Buffy and Angel on the 'Titanic'
by Goldy
Summary: Damn title, always giving everything away. BUT in case you didn't get it from the title, Buffy and Angel meet on an extravagent ship. Do they fall in love? Is she still a slayer? He a vampire? And what happens to this ship? Epilogue added
1. Default Chapter

Title: Buffy and Angel On the 'Titanic'

Title: Buffy and Angel On the 'Titanic'

Author: Goldy

Email: [thegoldoneb_a@hotmail.com][1]

Synopsis: Buffy takes a trip on board a legendary ship called the 'Titanic' wanna take a guess to who she meets and falls in love with?

Category: AU, B/A

A/N: Well this is going to be my first big AU story. Although, it does have basically the same characters and Buffy is the still the slayer and Angel is still a vampire. I'm sorry if I got a lot of historical information incorrect. I did do research, but I was never on board the 'Titanic' and I did have to alter some things to make the story line the way it is. 

Feedback: I don't know if I'm going to continue this, so feedback would help tremendously.

"It's not *that* big," Buffy said cocking her head.

Giles took off his glasses and squinted and the apparently not very big ship. "It would be 11 stories high if you stood it one end. Although, despite it's great size it is deemed—"

"Unsinkable?" Buffy finished with raised eyebrows.

Giles glared at her, "Quite."

Buffy smiled and shrugged apologetically. "There's only so many times I can hear you say that."

Giles made a clucking sound with his tongue, "Ahh, there's your mother. I'll go see if she needs assistance."

Buffy smiled fondly at her watcher's retreating back. He could be so stuffy when he was annoyed with her. With a short bitter laugh, Buffy returned to studying the 'Titanic.' She had to admit that it was a rather impressive ship. Just not *too* impressive.

"I could sink it," she muttered under her breath before turning away.

When Buffy caught up to her mother and Giles she found Giles trying desperately to hold on to three very large suitcases and her mother openly gawking at the ship. Buffy grabbed two of the suitcases from Giles and held them easily. He narrowed his eyes disapprovingly at her. 

Buffy smiled sweetly and shrugged. She knew that Giles hated it when she didn't act like a proper lady. As a girl in the early nineteen hundreds she should not be carrying her own luggage. But she knew that there was no way Giles would be able to carry the heavy bags, and to Buffy, they were as light as a feather. Besides, Buffy was anything *but* a proper lady. 

"Dear, I'm sure there are people hired to do that kind of thing for us," Joyce Summers said disapprovingly to her daughter. "After all, it was so kind of your father to buy us first class tickets. Especially on a ship as grand as the 'Titanic."

"It's a little late for that now mother," Buffy interjected quickly. "It's time to get on the ship." She so did not want to hear another lecture on how kind her father was being, which would really only be for Buffy's benefit. The only reason that he was in America to begin with was because him and Joyce had had a big argument before coming across seas. It was always like that with her parents—they fought and then made up when Hank did something nice for Joyce. Buffy thought that they should just get a divorce already, but her mother was afraid of what people would think of her. Society wasn't particularly kind to divorced women. It didn't matter how many times Buffy's father cheated on her mother… they would always be together. 

Buffy dreaded the fact that she would ever have to get married. Her mother had been bugging her about it for the past few months. She was seventeen now and should be finding a nice suitor. But Buffy knew that she would never marry. She couldn't stand the idea of being tied down to a man. Plus, she didn't even know if she would live to see the end of the week, not to mention a long life with the man of her dreams. 

Buffy, her mother, and her watcher slowly made their way up the huge ramps to get on board the 'Titanic'. Buffy, despite trying to seem as if the ship was nothing special, couldn't help but drink it in with hungry eyes. While the ship looked huge from the docks, up close, it looked a lot more like its 11 stories. Buffy wondered how the ship would ever be able to move with its three bulkheads, and marveled at the fact that it was one of the fastest ships to have ever been built.

Inside, the ship was even more impressive. Buffy wasn't sure if it looked like this for the third class passengers, but from where she was, the wood paneling and marble literally glistened. She had to hold her breath and bite her cheek to keep from gasping out loud like her mother. She turned to her right and saw Giles standing with his glasses off, frozen in the middle of cleaning them, and his mouth hanging open. She elbowed him in the side and was rewarded with a very annoyed, "hmmph."

A pretty red-haired stewardess approached them. She had a narrow face positively sprinkled with freckles. Buffy was sure that she couldn't be any older than her. The girl smiled nervously at Buffy and Buffy grinned back trying to put her at ease. 

"Hi. I'm Willow," the red-haired said, and for some unknown reason Buffy immediately like her. "I'm here to escort you to your rooms and get you anything you may want."

The girl seemed nervous, and though Buffy was holding on to two bulging suitcases, she linked arms with her. "Great," Buffy exclaimed with another friendly smile, "I was hoping that I'd meet someone interesting on this trip." 

"Buffy!" Her mother protested loudly, "I'm sure that poor Willow's job is hard enough. She doesn't need you taking up her time.

Willow blushed. "No, it's okay. It's nice to meet you Ms. Summers."

Buffy raised her eyebrows at the formality of the name. "Call me Buffy, please."

Willow gave her a real smile and nodded her head still blushing furiously. She held on to the arm that Buffy had thrust upon her and led the way through the B deck. Buffy's, Joyce's, and Giles's rooms were all in a row. When Buffy saw her room she couldn't help but let a small squeal escape her lips. She gave Willow an impulsive hug as she bounded about exclaiming at the fact that she got her own bathroom equipped with towels and running water. 

Willow grinned at the girl. Gone, was the shyness of before. Willow, having only known Buffy for an hour, already liked the girl immensely. Willow had never meant anyone with the amount of boundless energy that Buffy possessed. She didn't feel at all taken aback by Buffy's blunt ways. 

Buffy sat Willow down on the bed and without even realizing they started having a regular conversation as if they had been friends forever. "I can't believe that you're only 17! Here you are waiting on a girl your own age still living at home." Buffy exclaimed.

Willow shrugged. "Well, my family doesn't have all that much money. I wanted so badly to go to college, but that was mostly out of the question. Besides, my father didn't think it was appropriate for a girl to be as smart as I was. When, my best friend, Xander, got hired working on this grand ship he managed to get one for me, too. Which, is nice because I haven't been in America since my dad moved across seas eight years ago."

Buffy noticed the way the girl's eyes lit up at the mention of her friend Xander. "So, Xander… just a friend…?"

Willow's face turned crimson. "Um… he… I," Willow squeaked and Buffy looked at her patiently. "Xander is amazing as far as I'm concerned, but to him I'm just his "good friend Willow"." 

Buffy frowned at her sympathetically, "Men!" she muttered under her breath. "Have you tried telling him how you feel?" 

Willow gave a pathetic sigh, "I can't! What if he's so freaked out that he never talks to me again?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows. " I think that you're a tad paranoid there, Will."

"No… I just… never mind, "Willow shrugged. "What about you? Who exactly is Mr. Giles?"

Buffy blanched visibly. "GILES? ARE YOU KIDDING???" Buffy took a deep breath and reminded herself that Willow didn't know that she was the slayer, and the reason that Giles had to come with her everywhere was because he was her watcher. Although, having only spent ten minutes in the room with the young women, Buffy felt that she should know everything about her. 

Willow paled, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Buffy shook her head. It seemed obvious to her now why people would think that she was with Giles. He certainly wasn't with her mother, and there wasn't any reason as to why he was making the trip with the Summer's women. "No, I'm sorry. That wasn't very fair of me. It's just that… Giles is more like a father to me. Or maybe a mentor. I just never thought of him… that way… and I was a little surprised."

"Oh," Willow muttered, "do you want me to leave?"

"WHAT??? Why would I want you to leave?"

"Because, I'm really just your maid and it isn't very appropriate for me to be in here taking up your time like this." 

Buffy sighed. "Willow, look, I know that I haven't known you for very long, but it isn't very often that I get to meet someone that is as interesting as you are. Most of my so-called friends only care about marriage… and marriage. But you… I don't know… this just feels right. I know that I'm not making much sense, but even though we've only known each other for a few hours I feel like you're my best friend. Like it's destiny or something. Do you believe in destiny?"

Willow shrugged.

Buffy smiled but Willow noticed that her eyes seemed sad and she wondered why someone with so much money and security could look so happy and miserable at the same time. "I believe in destiny," Buffy said softly, "sometimes there are things in a person's life that happen. And you have to deal with them because you don't have any other choice."

"I don't know about the destiny part, but I know what you mean about the friends part. It just feels… right. So, I don't know, maybe some things are destined to be."

Buffy took Willow's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Good answer."

"Mother, do you have enough clothes?" Buffy muttered in disbelief as her mother unpacked yet another dress from her still bulging suitcase. Buffy was pretty much regretting ever having the bright idea to come help her unpack. 

"Don't be silly, honey. Compared to many other woman my age I don't have very many clothes at all."

Buffy raised her eyebrows; "I'm going to keep you to that."

Joyce let out a small chuckle, "You wait until your forty five and then we'll talk."

"You're not forty five, mom," Buffy smirked.

Joyce frowned at her daughter trying to look angry but Buffy could see that she was struggling not to laugh, "You'd be surprised." 

Buffy flopped down on her mother's king sized bed and closed her eyes, "Well, if this is the kind of treatment you get at forty five then I'm not going to complain." 

Joyce hit her with the now empty suitcase, "That's it! OUT!"

"Hey!" Buffy protested, "What did I do?"

"You made fun of your mother's old age."

"I did not such thing! You made fun of your old age. I, on the other hand, stuck up for your age."

"A proper daughter would listen to her mother when she was sent from the room, rather than arguing."

"Yeah, well, a proper lady would never bring up her age." 

Joyce collapsed next to her on the bed, "Well, I was never a proper lady."

Buffy took her mother's hand, "Oh, so that's who I get it from."

Joyce shook her head, "*What* am I going to do with you?"

"Love me forever and ever."

Joyce smoothed back a piece of blond hair that had come undone from Buffy's unfashionable ponytail, "Forever and ever," she repeated.

"It's a long time," Buffy said.

"I think I can manage," Joyce confirmed with a loving smile. "What I still want to know is why Mr. Giles had to come with us."

Buffy sighed. 'Good-bye happy moment hello arguing,' she thought tiredly. Buffy's mother didn't understand her relationship to Giles at all. It was just that Buffy didn't think that her mother was quite ready to hear that her darling daughter slayed vampires and demons for a living and that Giles was a key part of her survival. Not to mention the fact that it probably wasn't by chance that they were going to America. Giles hadn't told her anything yet, but Buffy had learned that things in life weren't what they always seemed to be

"Giles is one of my best friends, mother. And he is paying his own way, so I don't know what the big deal is," Buffy offered nonchalantly not giving anything away. It was actually the watcher's council that was paying for Giles to come across seas with his slayer, but Buffy conveniently left that fact out. 

"I know that, Buffy," her mother said crossly, "I've heard that explanation more than enough times. I just… I don't know… are you sure that there isn't anything going on between you and Mr. Giles?"

Buffy sighed. This was the second time today that someone had asked her this question and Buffy was getting very tired of it. "No, mother, there isn't anything going on with me and Giles."

Joyce looked pained, "I know that's what you say, but sometimes I feel like there is a lot in your life that I don't know about. I love you, Buffy honey, but I wish that you talked to me."

Buffy bit her lip. She did feel bad about lying to her mother. She knew that she hadn't been lying exactly, but it certainly felt like. But Buffy knew that Joyce wouldn't be able to handle the truth. "I do to talk to you!" Buffy cried indignantly forcing a smile. "I talk about lots of stuff! See I'm talking right now!"

Joyce gave a soft chuckle and punched Buffy on the arm. "Get out of here."

Buffy got up grinning. "I thought you loved me!"

"OUT," Joyce said pointing towards the door.

Buffy let out one last laugh before leaving the room shutting the door quietly behind her.

"I'm bored," Buffy pouted watching Giles unpack. "Please tell me you packed something besides tweed in there."

"Buffy," Giles said shortly, "do go away."

Buffy groaned. Why was it that people kept kicking her out? "Isn't there some demon that's going to take over the ship that I have to stop? Or even a small measly vampire I have to slay? It's a really big ship. Just waiting to suck the world in to hell."

Giles turned around and faced her, "Buffy, you have some time off. Enjoy it."

Buffy made a face, "Someone's a little grumpy."

"Yes, well, you would be too, if someone was standing behind you critiquing your choice in apparel."

"Giles," Buffy whined, "I'm bored."

"Go explore the ship," Giles suggested.

"Don't feel like it."

"Well, then, go bug your mother."

"She kicked me out," Buffy sighed.

Giles looked at her kindly taking some pity on his slayer. "Go dress for dinner. It will take you at least an hour and I want you to make sure there aren't any vampires that sneak on the ship after dark from Cherbourg."

"Fine," Buffy muttered, "and I thought this was supposed to be my time off."

Giles gave Buffy a fond look as she made her way out of his room. She was quite frankly one of the most stubborn people he had ever met. Her approach to slaying and to being the slayer in general was somewhat disconcerting, but Giles learned to admire her for her different ways. Although sometimes he wondered exactly what kind of reaction he would get from the watcher's council if they found out that he actually let her go to school. 

Giles cared for Buffy the way that any father would care for a daughter, which was also frowned upon by the watcher's council. But he figured that the council wouldn't be able to do much if he was across seas. What he hadn't told Buffy yet and didn't really want to tell her was that their moving across seas wasn't by chance. A new master vampire had risen and Buffy was needed to stop it. The only thing that Giles was happy about was that Buffy got the time to be normal girl on one of the grandest ships ever built before going back to fighting the war. 

Buffy gave a deep agonizing sigh as she attached a wooden stake to her leg under her dress. She was probably the only lady on the whole ship that didn't look for the newest fashion when she was picking out a new dress. Instead, Buffy got to look for the best dress suitable for concealing weapons. Willow had offered to help her get into her dress. Buffy had politely but firmly turned her down. She knew that her mother had someone to help her get into her clothes, but ever since Buffy had turned 15 she had realized that she had better learn how to dress herself.

Although she was glad that Giles was allowing her to do some patrolling, even if it was fairly certain that no vampire would come aboard the ship. Still, some passengers from Cherbourg would be getting on after dark and it was better to be safe than sorry. Buffy liked to gripe to Giles about how bad her life was, but slaying for her was a release. She was happy to have a couple of days off, but the tension in her muscles was going to drive her crazy. She needed to kill something. 

Buffy shoved a bottle of holy water in her high boots and went in search of her mother. If she wanted to survey the people coming in from Cherbourg she had better hop to it. They had already started loading and there was another hour or so before the sun set and Buffy planned to have finished her dinner by then. 

Buffy knocked rather loudly on her mother's stateroom. "WHAT?" Joyce snapped from inside. 

Buffy flinched at the angry note in her mother's voice. She wasn't going to like the fact that her daughter wouldn't be eating with her that evening, "I'm going down to the dinning hall."

"Buffy, can't you wait another 30 minutes?" Joyce said in a barely controlled voice.

"I'm really hungry. I'll meet you there," Buffy said quickly and took off before her mother could argue.

She stopped at Giles's stateroom and banged on the door feeling an urge to rip it off its hinges. Giles opened the wood door and Buffy's fist nearly connected with his face. She pulled her hand back blushing sheepishly, "Ready for dinner?" she mumbled.

Giles gave her a disapproving look, "Yes."

"Okay, so how do we get there again?"

"I suggest we take the Grand Staircase, I read quite a lot about it actually. It is supposedly one of the finest—"

Buffy held up her hand, "Finest things ever built on the finest ship ever built yadda yadda yadda. Let's just go already."

Giles sighed and looked at her worriedly as they set off down the hall, "Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Buffy exclaimed with a large smile, "Why would anything be wrong?"

"I don't know," Giles admitted, "you just seem upset about something."

Buffy shrugged, "I guess I'm lonely. I mean, before I was called I had all these friends. But now they all seem frivolous. They only care about whom they're going to marry and when they marry and how rich their future husband is. I want friends, Giles, real friends."

"Buffy you know that whoever comes into your life is immediately in danger. You're the slayer," Giles said gently.

Buffy threw her hands up in the air. "I know. I know! But it doesn't make me feel any less lonely." Giles gave her a hurt look and Buffy sighed wanting him to understand what she was saying. "I know I have you Giles and believe me I am thankful for that but I want someone else. Someone my own age. Today talking to Willow brought a lot of that back."

Giles smiled grimly at her, "Make friends Buffy, but I hope I don't have to tell you to be careful."

Buffy smiled thankfully, "No, you don't." 

The two walked in comfortable silence until they reached the Grand Staircase and Giles couldn't help but gasp out loud. Buffy laughed slightly at his expression trying not to seem too impressed with it herself. She had seen enough of wood in her lifetime thanks to highly effective pointy stakes. So, generally, things made of wood didn't impress her, but the Grand Staircase was truly grand and the wood shone as if it wasn't wood at all.

"Imagine the detail that must have gone into making the ship the masterpiece it is," Giles mumbled and Buffy wasn't really sure if he was talking to himself or to her.

Buffy rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm. "Come on. We have to eat. I have to slay. Let's get to it!" Buffy dragged her gaping watcher down the exquisite staircase and into the dining hall where Giles promptly stopped and started gaping again.

Not wanting to take the time to stare at the elegant china and small round tables with chairs rather than one long table with benches, Buffy groaned and stomped off in search of a waiter. When she found the waiter, they both had to go in search of Giles who had wandered of somewhere to admire some grand thing or another. When she finally found him and managed to steer him to a table *and* get menus Buffy realized that she had five minutes until sundown.

"Great," she muttered under her breath even as she stood up causing a Giles to look at her in surprise.

"Where are you going now?" he asked.

"Slaying," Buffy said with false humor as she rushed out of the dining hall and back up the staircase. 

Buffy tapped her stake impatiently against her right hand impatiently. She had been out here for more than an hour and so far there hadn't been a demon of any kind. She was bored, tired, cold and hungry. Four things which did not make for a very good slayer.

Buffy stifled a yawn and wondered whether she should just go in get something to eat and retire. There couldn't possibly be any more boats coming in at this point. Of course, then she would have to deal with a Giles lecture, but a warm bed was a little more enticing at the moment. Buffy sighed and looked at her wristwatch. "Okay, demons you have five minutes," she muttered under he breath, squinting at the dark ocean.

Five minutes later Buffy was all ready to go inside when she heard a noise coming from behind her. 'Right on schedule,' she thought tiredly to herself. She waited a little longer for the unspeakable creature to get a little closer and then SWOOSH Buffy turned around sharply ready to execute a flying kick when she found herself face to face with a very scared steward.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry… I didn't know… I mean you never know who could be out here at this time of night," Buffy smiled apologetically preying to the god's that the steward wouldn't bother to ask what she was doing out at this time of night in the first place. 

The steward recovered quickly and managed to give her a shaky smile, "Oh you shouldn't worry about that. This ship is quite safe, I assure you."

Buffy stuck out her hand, "Buffy Summers. And I'm sure that this is a very safe ship. You just surprised me, that's all."

The steward took the proffered hand with a sweaty grip, "Alexander Harris. It's nice to meet you Ms. Summers."

"Call me Buffy," Buffy said with a wave of her hand.

The steward smiled encouragingly not the least bit put off by her forwardness. "Well then I'm Xander."

Buffy nodded her head, "Xander…. Hey! Do you know anyone named Willow?"

Xander nodded looking a little shocked, "Wow, your good."

Buffy gave a little laugh, "She's a stewardess in my hall. We had a little talk earlier."

"That would explain it," Xander confirmed, "Wills and I have been friends forever."

Buffy smiled longingly, "Yeah, I know."

Xander looked at Buffy amicably and then he frowned as if suddenly realizing something. "You should probably get inside. It's chilly out on the Atlantic oceans. I wouldn't want you to catch a cold."

"You're right," Buffy lied, "I should go inside." She gave Xander a little curtsy and said, "Nice meeting you," before walking away not preparing in the least on going inside until she had scoured the whole deck.

Xander watched Buffy with a transfixed gaze. He didn't think that he had ever seen anyone so beautiful in his entire life. He longed to touch her soft white skin and run his fingers through her golden hair framing her face. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He was a steward, a lower-class man, with barely enough money to put food on the table. With this thought in mind, Xander forced his eyes away from the pretty young women when something caught his eye. He bent down and picked up a wooden object that Buffy had dropped on the ground after their near collision. 

"Hey!" he yelled knowing she was too far away but figuring it was worth a chance. "You forgot your…. STAKE???"

Buffy sighed looking out over the deck into the ocean. The wind rushed by her face tousling her unkempt hair. She knew that she should be keeping it up, but she figured that it didn't really matter at this point. The only people still strolling around the promenade were young couples and slayers. Or slayer in her case. She probably should have gone in like she told Xander she would, but Buffy knew that there was no way she could sleep. She was too strung out and too frustrated to get any rest. She wanted to beat something to a bloody pulp very badly.

She turned away from the side knowing that it was dangerous to turn her back on the enemy. Even though at this point Buffy was fairly certain that there was no enemy, years of practice made her jumpy, no matter how unlikely it was that she was going to run into a bloodsucking demon. She did a quick sweep of the deck with her eyes and let her senses go on high alert. 

Buffy almost did a double take when she saw something lurking in the shadows. A big dark hulking figure almost totally concealed to the human eye. All human eyes that is, that weren't Buffy's. The demon didn't appear to notice the slayer, and Buffy began to creep her way towards it being as stealthy as possible. 

When she came within 10 feet of the creature she stopped and considered her position. Her eyes ticked from left to right trying to look for anything she could use to her advantage. Not finding anything, Buffy decided to go with the next approach, sneaking in behind and staking it without the vampire even knowing. 

Buffy crept closer taking a stake out from under her dress at the same time. She raised the sharp piece of wood when the vampire spun around. Her eyes widened and Buffy was suddenly frozen with the eyes that were pierced on hers. Deep chocolate brown eyes that seemed to freeze time and everything around her. 

"Is there a problem ma'am?" the creature—the man asked.

Buffy's eyes widened and she tried to get some words out, but somehow her tongue was stuck to the roof of her *very* dry mouth. She couldn't help but notice how handsome this man was. He had a fine chiseled face and beautiful full lips. But his best feature were his eyes. Buffy felt almost like she could drown in those eyes. "Who… who are you?" she finally choked out.

"Excuse me ma'am I don't mean to sound crude, but aren't you the one who was about to attack me?" he answered politely with a glance at her stake.

Buffy looked at her still raised hand gripping on to her stake. She blinked feeling slightly embarrassed. Then, she got annoyed because this stranger that she didn't even know made her feel ashamed. "You shouldn't go skulking around in the dark like that," Buffy snapped trying not to show the effect that he was having on her.

The man gave a short laugh, "Fair enough. Why don't we just say I'm a friend and leave it at that?"

Buffy was about to argue when he handed her a small black box and turned away. Frowning she opened the box with trembling fingers—instantly mad that this stranger could make her tremble like that after only knowing him a few seconds—to find a small polished cross hanging on a chain. Buffy gaped at it and then looked back up to see that the very handsome *annoying* man was just walking away.

"Wait!" she yelled after him not really sure on what she wanted to say but needing to stop him anyway.

He turned back looking at her expectantly.

"What's your name?" Buffy asked not knowing why it was so important but needing to know it anyway.

The man looked as if he was debating on whether or not he should answer. "Angel," he finally said. And then he was gone.

Buffy stared at the spot where he had just been. 'Angel,' she thought ironically, 'why does that sound so fitting?'

   [1]: mailto:thegoldoneb_a@hotmail.com



	2. Two

A/N: I'm sorry that this took me so long to update

A/N: I'm sorry that this took me so long to update. I didn't mean for it to take this long but I have a lot going on in my life and I didn't have very much time to write. A big thank you to anyone who sent me feedback on the first chapterJ

20 minutes later Buffy sat in her stateroom running her fingers up and down the cross that Angel had given her. 'I should probably try and get some sleep,' she told herself but she didn't take any moves in that direction. Her stomach still growled with hunger, but Buffy continued to ignore it as she studied the cross.

"Why would he give it to me unless he knew what line of work I was in?" she asked her empty stateroom. Buffy frowned when she didn't get an answer even though she knew that it was impossible to get one. "But how could he know?" she asked again and was no closer to an answer than she had been the last time she had asked the empty room a question.

Buffy sighed in frustration and flopped down on her bed so that she was squinting at the ceiling. "Who does he think he is anyway?" she snapped angrily. "All handsome and thinking he's such a gentleman when in reality he isn't making any sense at all." 

Buffy glared at the perfect cross that she was still holding tightly in her hand. Try as she might she still couldn't quite get his deep brown eyes out of her head. "It probably doesn't work anyway," she reasoned. "It's probably a fake cross." Although, even if such a thing were possible she knew that this was the real thing. 

With a scowl she flung the beautiful cross across the room. It hit the wall on the other side with a rather large bang and made a little dent in the wall. "See, I knew that this ship wasn't perfect! Take that Giles!" 

"And now your talking to yourself, Buffy. You do know that they lock people up for that right?" Buffy slid off her bed and went over to the cross that was just as annoying as its former owner. Of course, *it* hadn't been at all damaged in the fall. She picked it up testing its weight in her hand. With a sigh Buffy placed it down gently on the little table beside her bed and prepared to get ready for bed even though she knew she wouldn't sleep at all that night. And that was all Angel's fault, too.

"Damn you, Angel! Damn you and your perfect mahogany soulful eyes!" 

Buffy groaned loudly in frustration as she slipped on her nightdress and got between the covers of her bed. 'Soulful,' she thought as his eyes filled her mind once again. 'Why does that sound like the perfect way to describe him?'

_ _

_Thursday April 11, 1912_

"So, Buffy, what were you up to last night?" Joyce fixed her daughter with a piercing stare.

Buffy shifted uncomfortably and stared very hard at the mashed potatoes on the plate in front of her, "Nothing…."

Joyce frowned and took a sip of coffee; "I don't appreciate you disappearing like that, Buffy. I came down here last night to enjoy a nice quiet dinner with my daughter, who as it turned out was not there. Who also didn't bother to check in with me at any point during said evening."

Buffy gulped guiltily and wished for not the first time that she could just tell her mother about her sacred duty. "I'm sorry… it won't happen again."

"It certainly will not," Joyce said disapprovingly.

"And we're having a nice mother-daughter lunch right now, aren't we?"

Buffy's mother sighed, "That isn't the point."

Buffy had no answer for that. She closed her eyes and unconsciously fingered the cross that she was wearing tucked under her shirt. She wasn't exactly sure what made her put it own this morning. Buffy had decided last night that she didn't like the cross and that she didn't like accepting gifts from strangers. Which was exactly who Angel was, a stranger, someone she didn't know or care about.

'Then why do you keep looking around the dinning hall for him?' some small part of her asked. 'I'm not looking for him, I'm just merely glancing around admiring the beauty of the place,' she reasoned. Except she knew that was a lie because she couldn't have cared less about what the dining hall looked like. And she was wearing the cross because it made her feel safer in this big unknown world. 

Buffy sighed. She hated to admit it, but she had fallen for this stranger. Hard. 'But that's crazy because I've only had one conversation with him,' she admonished. 'Then why can't you get him out of your head, Summers?'

"Buffy are you listening to me?"

Buffy forced her mind back to the conversation at hand, "Pardon?"

Her mother shook her head; "I don't even know why I bother sometimes. If we're having lunch together you could at least try and pay attention to me."

Buffy groaned. This was going to be a *very* long meal. 

Angel paced the dark closed interior of his stateroom until he was dizzy in the head. He had to be more careful. What was he thinking telling the slayer his name? It had been a risk. Too big of a risk. If she told her watcher, he may recognize it, and that would be the end of him. 

Angel sat down on his bed tapping his foot nervously. Seeing the girl last night had effected him more than he thought it would. He remembered very clearly every slope of her body and the way that her hair had shimmered in the moonlight. But most of all he remembered looking into her eyes, she had made it seem as if she was freezing time with those eyes. 

This was getting dangerous. Buffy was the slayer. Angel could not let himself get close to her. She was above a creature like himself. And, yet, he couldn't help but feel like it was too late, and that fate was already out of their hands. 

Groaning half out of frustration and half out of desire, Angel counted down the seconds until he would be able to see her again. 

"So, Buffy, anything that you need to share with me?" 

Buffy frowned and looked into Giles's worried face, "Huh?"

Giles sighed, "Anything happen while you were on patrol last night?"

Buffy shook her head and tried to get her thoughts back to the present. She had dragged Giles out on the promenade and they were currently hanging over the side of the boat watching the water flash by. She had told him that she wanted to talk to him, but mostly she had been daydreaming.

"Are you sure that this is the best place to talk about this?" Buffy asked, glancing around at the many people currently strolling the deck.

"I think that you're avoiding my question, Buffy"

Buffy looked away from her watcher and out at the vast sea. It looked so empty and peaceful. Buffy wondered what it would be like to just float away with the current and disappear. Leaving all her confusion behind forever. 

"Have you ever been in love?" Buffy questioned softly turning her head to look at Giles for his reaction.

Giles did a double take. To say that he hadn't been expecting the question would have been the understatement of the year. "I…. yes… pardon?"

"Love, Giles," Buffy repeated. "You couldn't have been a watcher your whole life. Did you ever fall in love?"

Giles pushed his glasses up his nose and tried very hard to hide his surprise. "Yes, well, contrary to what you may think, I was young once and I did on occasion do some courting."

Buffy shook her head. "That's not what I mean. Did you ever fall in love? Real love? Where your whole world was suddenly shattered because someone that you truly cared about was in it?"

Giles looked into Buffy's eyes and he could suddenly see how important this was to her. Why, he didn't know. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to. 

"Once," he answered trying not to let the pain show.

Buffy smiled sympathetically, "Who was she? You don't have to tell me if it's too personal."

"It's all right. Her name was Jenny Calender. And she… she was everything that I could have asked for in a woman. Smart, funny, charming, beautiful, I've never meant anyone quite like her, and I don't think that I ever will again." Giles stopped and with an expression of pain looked out at the expanse ocean remembering once again how little he mattered in the space of all this greatness.

Buffy laid a comforting hand on his arm, "What happened?"

Giles didn't look at her and Buffy knew that he was somewhere else, reliving another time. "She died. She was murdered by a vampire the day before I was supposed to take my test to become a watcher. Jenny was supposed to be having dinner with me, but I told her I needed the evening to myself for study. She was alone that day when the vampire found her. I think about what I could have done to save her everyday. If I had been there… it might have made the difference."

Buffy took a shaky breath, "I'm sorry."

Giles managed to pull himself together, but when he spoke, Buffy was pretty sure that his voice was a little husky. "How did patrol go last night?"

Buffy was a little surprised at the quick change of subject, but she figured that it must be painful for Giles to recall those times. Her heart broke for the man that was a father to her. She never knew that he had suffered so much pain. Buffy wondered what else her watcher had gone through that he hadn't bothered on telling her.

"Pretty much uneventful. No vampires. Although, I did run into a steward, I think I nearly sent him into cardiac arrest." Buffy conveniently left out the part where that dark handsome man entered the scene and changed her life with one conversation. 

Giles nodded, "That's good. You'll get some much needed rest."

"Great," Buffy muttered, "just what I need."

"Pardon?"

Buffy smiled and surprised her baffled watcher by pulling him in for a quick hug. "Thank you," she whispered before taking off. 

Buffy looked around the room in awe. To work off some of the tension that she felt in her muscles, she had decided to try out the exercise room that she had heard so much about. She was very impressed by the pool that was actually indoors. If inside the ship counted as indoors that was….

As nice as the pool looked, Buffy was more interested in the machines. She wasn't sure what they could do, but they seemed like they might be able to provide her a nice workout. She looked around for someone that could help her out. She was a little surprised when she found Xander in a corner staring at her with wide eyes.

Buffy felt her face light up a little. She was still a little embarrassed from the night before. Xander's eyes, on the other hand, seemed to light up when she caught his eye. He waved her over and Buffy reluctantly walked towards him. 

"Hi," he greeted a little breathlessly.

Buffy gave him her very well practiced "who me?" smile. "Hi."

Xander gave her a goofy grin. "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing here?"

"Actually I was wondering if you could help me figure out how to use some of these machines," Buffy answered.

"That's what I'm here for," Xander said with a nod of his head. "Oh, I, uh, think you dropped this last night. When you kind of attacked me."

Buffy suppressed a groan as she accepted the stake that he was holding up for her. "Right…" Buffy paused trying to think up some excuse, "Dangerous! Protection! Yeah, it's dangerous for a girl like me without protection."

Xander looked at her suspiciously, not believing her explanation for a minute. "So, what machine would you like to try first?" he asked deciding it was best to change the subject. For the time being, anyway.

Buffy sighed in relief. "One that works?"

"Well, there's the stationary bikes, and the rowing machines. Both of which are very challenging."

Buffy shrugged, "Yes, but what are they?"

Xander laughed and showed her how to use them. He was impressed with how fast she caught on to the idea. That was nothing compared to how surprised he was when she had the machines on their highest setting and still hadn't broken into a sweat after an hour. He had never seen anyone—granted he only had a day of experience—that strong. 

A while later Buffy finished off, gave Xander a smile, and walked away with Xander's eyes on her the whole time. Xander blinked a couple of times. There was something different about this girl. Something strange was going on and he intended on finding out. 

Plus, Xander was afraid that he was falling in love. 

Buffy paced the deck at sunset. To Giles's bewilderment she had insisted on patrolling. Actually, she wasn't really patrolling, but more looking for a particular handsome stranger. At the same time, she was trying to convince herself that she hadn't done a thorough enough job last night. 

"Ahh, Buffy!" Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin as the strong, but familiar British voice whispered through the air. She sighed in annoyance and turned to face her *very* smug watcher.

"A slayer must always be prepared for anything. She must be on her guard at all times not matter what—"

"Yeah, yeah. I've heard the lecture. Spare me, Giles," Buffy snapped. "What I want to know is what your doing here, since before you pretty much called me crazy for wanting to go on patrol."

"Actually, I looked into that, and it seems that I had been a little forward in making that assumption." Giles admitted.

Buffy closed her eyes. Was she ever going to get to see Angel again? Apparently not. 'Not that you want to see him,' Buffy reminded herself quickly. "Really? How exciting!" Buffy said sarcastically.

Giles glared, "It seems that I have found that I may have been incorrect."

"Incorrect? Incorrect?? How???" Buffy yelled.

"It seems that a vampire may have boarded this ship after all," Giles stuttered.

Buffy groaned. "This is just wonderful," she mumbled.

"Pardon me?"

Buffy sighed, "Nothing. Are you sure that there is a vampire on this ship? I mean, before you seemed pretty sure that nothing that couldn't survive sunlight boarded on last night."

Giles shrugged suddenly looking fairly uncomfortable. "Ahh, well, everyone makes mistakes. One of the stewards had their blood drowned late last night."

Buffy smacked her forehead, "Now you tell me?"

"May I point out that *you* were the one patrolling at this time last night and not I?" 

"So," Buffy said quickly, "where did you say this vampire was?"

"The officer was ahh, drained, over near the steerage section of the ship. I think that it would be wise to start looking there." Giles said.

Buffy raised her eyebrows, "You have *no* idea where our little vampire is, do you?"

Giles made a stuttering sound and seemed about to say something when he decided that it just wasn't worth the effort. Without another word Giles turned around and began walking toward what Buffy presumed was the steerage section of the ship.

Buffy bit her lip and after thinking it over for a couple of seconds, took out her trusty stake and followed her watcher. The chances of seeing Angel seemed to be getting slimmer by the moment. 

After Giles and Buffy had disappeared from view, the steward that had been hiding behind one of the lifeboats, finally dared to come out of hiding. His eyes went wide when he thought about all the new information that he'd learned. Those people had to be crazy.

"What the hell is going on here???" Xander muttered before following the people he had just thought of as crazy a minute before. Besides, saving Buffy from that weird Giles-guy would make him look manly. 

"GILES!"

"What?"

Buffy gave the vampire a roundhouse kick and spared a quick glance at her watcher. "STAKE!"

"Right." Giles reached into his pocket and after what seemed like hours tossed Buffy a nice pointy piece of wood.

Without blinking Buffy took the stake and plunged it into the vampire's heart. With a scowl she tried to dust off her clothes, even though experience had taught her that vampire just didn't come out.

Giles sighed.

"What's wrong *now*?" Buffy demanded.

"That vampire took you almost five minutes to kill. A slayer should only take a tenth of that time. Who knows what other portent evil might be lurking in the darkness, ready to attack at any moment—"

"Hey! Don't you get points off for not being ready with that stake when I need you?" Buffy whined.

Giles didn't even miss a beat, "Yes, well, if you hadn't let that vampire take you by surprise your first stake wouldn't have gone overboard."

"You were the one who didn't know where fang guy was going to be! It wasn't my fault that he caught me totally unprepared!"

"A slayer must be on her guard at all times. You should be able to sense vampires before you see them."

Buffy shrugged, "Whatever. I came. I slayed. Can I go now?"

"Buffy, you don't seem to understand. This wasn't some routine kill. This was on a great ship filled with people. At any moment someone could have came upon you and that vampire. Then what would you have done?"

"I guess we're about to find out," Buffy said softly.

Giles blinked at her and then frowned when he saw what she was looking at. Willow, and a boy that Giles presumed must be Xander from the description Buffy had given him, were coming towards slayer and watcher with wide eyes.

"Did," Willow gulped, "did that guy just explode into a pile of dust?"

"Am I crazy?" Xander asked in a high-pitched strangled voice. 

Buffy sighed, "It's a long story."

"So vampires are real?" Xander exclaimed in disbelief.

"And Buffy has to fight them?" Willow asked

Giles nodded, "Yes."

"Wow," Willow and Xander said in unison.

"I can't believe that this is happening," Willow said.

"Tell me about it. This can't be real. Vampires *aren't* real." Xander looked panicked.

Buffy closed her eyes. Giles and her had taken the two baffled friends into the first class lounge to explain what had happened. According to Xander, he had heard she and Giles talking and decided to follow, picking Willow up on the way. They hadn't seen the whole fight, but they had seen enough to know that the world didn't work the way that they believed it did. 

Buffy groaned, she didn't want to have to deal with this. Her duty was sacred. Sacred. At first, she had tried to pretend that what they had seen hadn't really been a vampire, but they wouldn't have any of it. And now Xander was denying it! 

Buffy felt a pang of guilt. She remembered quite clearly how she had handle being told that vampires were real and that *she* was chosen to fight them. She knew that she had to be patient with them and make them understand that they weren't to interfere with her job. Plus, Buffy couldn't totally ignore that little part of her mind that was hoping that after knowing her secret they would still want to continue being her friends. Buffy liked Willow and Xander. A lot. 

"Xander I know what you're going through because I went through it, too. There is this great evil in the world that most people have no idea about and I have to do everything in my power to protect them. And I really hate to do this, but I have to go back out there. There could be more of them out there on the ship, and I can't take the risk of anyone else getting killed." Buffy got up and twirled a stake in her hand. 

Xander got up, too. "You can't go out there alone."

Buffy smiled, a little annoyed, if not touched by his faithfulness to her. "I've been doing this for over a year now, Xander, I know how to take care of myself."

"Yeah, but you're just…you're just… just a…"

"Girl?" Buffy offered with false brightness.

Xander looked a little sheepish, "Yeah."

"I'm not just any girl. I'm the chosen one."

"But…"

"NO! Stay here with Giles. Talk to him if you have any questions," without another word Buffy turned away.

'Isn't it weird that things always happen when you least expect them?' Buffy thought to herself. Barely a step out on the promenade and here she was in a situation that she had given up all hope of ever happening. 

"Hey." He said it in such a way that Buffy gave a little jump.

"Hey," she answered, surprised at her breathlessness.

He ran his eyes over her and Buffy suddenly felt he was reading her. He knew everything about her from that one gaze. Her secrets. Her life. Her fantasies….

"What," Buffy gasped out fighting for control over her voice, "what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Buffy stared at him, drinking in the sight of his well-chiseled face and beautiful chest and arms. She took a deep shaky breath, wondering how a stranger could have such a strong affect on her. 'What are you thinking? He isn't a stranger. He's so much more than that.' 

"That's a little weird cause you don't even know me. You don't know who I am or what I do. You don't even know my name."

That was a lie. They both knew it. Buffy could practically feel how much he knew about her. She wished that she could know that much about him.

He pierced her eyes with his heavy stare. "You'd be surprised."

Buffy backed up a couple of steps, she was afraid of what she would do if she didn't. Like move closer to him. "No, I wouldn't"

He smiled at that, but it didn't reach his eyes and Buffy wondered what kind of secrets he could have to make his eyes so dark and sad like that. She wished that she could give him a smile that could reach his eyes. 

"You're strong. Maybe the strongest slayer ever."

Buffy was right. She wasn't the least bit surprised that he knew what her sacred duty was. 

"Well, what's the cause for worry, then?"

He looked away from her. She watched his eyes travel to the railing and out at the night. She wondered if he was thinking about disappearing over the edge like she had been today. 

"You're strong, but you're not immortal."

Buffy blinked. She could swear that he had said that with some worry in his voice. But that was crazy. *This* was crazy. She didn't know anything about this stranger and yet he seemed to know everything about her. Buffy was pretty sure that she should be worried. She wasn't. She remembered how she had told Willow yesterday about destiny and things feeling right. This felt like destiny. This felt right. 

At least it felt right to her. She found that this dark handsome man completely impossible to read, and reading people had always came easy to Buffy. For all she knew, he didn't care about her at all, and was just some friend of Giles. But, somehow, Buffy was pretty sure he wasn't.

She took a deep breath, "Why do you care?"

She saw something go through his eyes then. She wasn't sure what it was, but it was *something* and Buffy was thankful for that.

He looked at her intently and Buffy felt herself blush.

"Maybe I like you."

Buffy unconsciously wet her lips. She could feel her heart pounding and the blood rushing through her veins. She wanted to scream that she liked him, too. That she liked him *a lot.* 

Of course, the vampire chose that moment to spring out of nowhere. Buffy was surprised to find herself on the ground with the vampire looming over her with his fangs near her neck. Before she could react, the vampire burst into dust. Buffy blinked and the world slowly swung into focus again.

Angel reached out his hand to her and Buffy gratefully accepted it. He looked at her with concern in his eyes and Buffy felt her heart skip a beat. 

"Are you okay?" He asked in that silky voice of his that was beginning to drive Buffy crazy. 

Buffy could only nod.

"You have some dust in your hair," Angel reached over and brushed his hand over the blonde locks. Buffy closed her eyes and shivered at the contact. 

Angel cupped her cheek in his big palm and Buffy could feel her knees start to weaken. She hadn't known that it was possible to feel like this. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into his big chocolate brown ones. Suddenly, she wanted him to kiss her. Badly.

"I'm older than you," Angel said, causing Buffy to jump a little.

"You can't be that much older." Buffy was surprised that she had managed to say anything considering it was pretty much the Sahara Desert in her mouth.

"You'd be surprised," he said darkly.

Buffy barely heard him. All she could think about was how near he was and how much closer she'd like him to be. Without thinking, Buffy leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

Buffy felt Angel flinched at first and she feared that she had made a huge mistake, but soon he deepened the kiss and his tongue sought his way into her mouth. All coherent thought was gone, and all Buffy could feel were his hands on her and his soft lips against her own. She felt dizzy, like she might fall over, but she felt like she was flying and would never fall to the ground. 

Suddenly, he pulled abruptly away. Buffy opened her eyes at the loss of contact to find the glowing amber eyes of a vampire staring back at her. 

Buffy screamed.

TBC


	3. Three

Buffy stared at the yellow eyes in horror. She couldn't believe that this was happening. Where did the beautiful brown eyes go that she was staring at a minute ago? Angel stared at her with the same shock showing on his vampire features until he growled and ran away.  
  
Buffy finally managed to stop screaming. She stood with a dazed expression on her face, trying to take everything in. Angel wasn't a vampire. He couldn't be a vampire. He was handsome, and sweet, and mysterious, and it wasn't possible.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy looked up to find Xander running towards her. "What's going on? I heard the screaming. Are you okay? What happened?"  
  
Buffy blinked a couple of times in rapid succession; "I'm okay."  
  
Xander didn't look at all convinced. "Who was that?"  
  
Buffy blushed and looked away. "No one."  
  
"Did he hurt you? If he did, I swear I'll make him pay."  
  
Buffy laid her hand on his shoulder. "Xander! I'm the slayer! I can take care of myself."  
  
Xander looked at her through heavy lids. "Who was that?" he repeated.  
  
"No one!"  
  
"You keep saying that. And yet I don't think it was no one."  
  
"It was a vampire okay? A vampire that I have to go. I have to go."  
  
"Kill?" Xander said forcefully.  
  
"NO! I mean, yes! I have to. to. to kill him." Buffy felt herself start to tremble. "It's my job," she said in a whisper, "to kill vampires."  
  
"Then why did you kiss him?"  
  
Buffy's mouth dropped. "*You* saw that? How could you waltz in here and pretend that you didn't know what was going on when you *saw* what happened?"  
  
"I saw you kissing a guy that you were supposed to be killing! What was I supposed to do, Buffy? You're supposed to be the person saving our race!" Xander declared angrily. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. Never mind the fact that vampire were indeed real, she had just *kissed* one of them.  
  
"I didn't know! I didn't know that he was a vampire, okay? If I'd know, I wouldn't have fallen in."  
  
"Wouldn't have fallen in what?" Xander said in deathly tone.  
  
Buffy narrowed her eyes at him and brushed past him angrily. "You know what? You don't know me! You don't have any right to say these things to me! THIS IS NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMNED BUSINESS!!!"  
  
"FINE!" Xander yelled to her back, "I'M SORRY FOR COUNTING YOU AS ONE OF MY FRIENDS!"  
  
Buffy turned around and ran so she wouldn't have to listen to any more of this argument. She kept going even when she knew that Xander couldn't see her anymore. She wouldn't admit it, but his last comment had stung. To know that she had been so close to having a friend that she had longed for. and then lose that chance. it hurt. She couldn't believe what had just happened to her life in the past couple of minutes.  
  
She still wasn't positive about what happened. First she was talking to him. The magical, beautiful man, who had come into her life the day before, and had unknowingly changed it with one conversation. Then, she was kissing him, and it was like the world had stopped. And then the nightmare had started.  
  
Could she kill him? Could she drive a stake through the heart of her sworn enemy? The man that made her pulse pound? She hoped so. Or else it would be too easy for her enemy to corrupt her.  
  
But she couldn't get his angelic face out of her mind.  
  
  
  
  
  
Angel paced his stateroom recklessly. He couldn't believe what he had just done. Kissing her? Kissing the slayer? Kissing his sworn enemy? It was against all laws of nature. Although, if Angel was given another chance he wasn't sure if he would do any of it differently.  
  
Kissing her had been like a warm balm to his heart. Angel hadn't known that it could be possible for himself to care for anyone since he had become a vampire. And then she walked into his life. He remembered seeing her when she was called. She had been a regular girl then, rich, pretty, and figured that the only reason for life was to marry and bear children. Even then, Angel knew that there had been something different about her. Her soul had called out to him, and told him what a fiery, good, warm person that she was.  
  
And in that moment Angel had fallen in love.  
  
He watched her kill her first vampire. He knew about her fear and confusion that had went along with the kill, and he had longed to help her. But despite a soul deep longing to be by her side and fight with her, Angel had waited, but when he heard about the voyage across seas that she was making to America, he had seized the opportunity.  
  
No. If Angel had known that he would lose control over his demon, he would have still kissed her. Buffy Anne Summers was one temptation that not even he could resist.  
  
He just hoped that there was some way to prevent her from killing him before he got a chance to explain.  
  
  
  
  
  
"There is absolutely no way for a vampire to be good? No way?" Buffy asked hopefully.  
  
Giles shook his head. "As far as I know it isn't possible."  
  
Buffy felt her heart sank. As far as Giles knew was very far. There was almost nothing in this world that Giles didn't know about. She couldn't believe it. She was really going to have to kill him.  
  
"Buffy, why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"  
  
Buffy hesitated. How was she supposed to tell him that she had never thought for one minute that Angel was her enemy? Even when she had been sneaking up on him, she hadn't really thought that he was evil. Forgetting the vampire part, Buffy wasn't sure how she could tell Giles that she thought that something was going well in her life, and she had been afraid of ruining it by telling him.  
  
"I didn't know that he was a vampire until I. well, you know." Buffy mumbled.  
  
Giles frowned, "As the slayer you should be able to sense these things."  
  
Buffy sighed. Her nerves were too worn down, and she had been through too much in the past little while. "I know. *I KNOW.* Look, I know you're disappointed in me, but let's just get this over with okay?"  
  
Giles looked at her with concern. "I am disappointed, Buffy. I wouldn't expect you to show such poor judgment on something like this."  
  
"Something like falling in love?"  
  
Giles was silent and Buffy looked at him hard, not breaking her gaze. He blinked and started cleaning his glasses, trying to look anywhere but at Buffy's face. "I'm sorry," he said a bit gruffly. "I just don't see why you didn't mention it. him sooner."  
  
Buffy shrugged. "I tried, Giles. I really tried."  
  
He gave a little smile, more for her benefit than for his own. "Yes," he said remembering their conversation on the deck earlier that day, "I suppose that you did."  
  
"I have to kill him don't I?"  
  
Giles looked at his slayer with sad eyes. "It's your job."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, "I know."  
  
"Is there anything that I can say?"  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
Giles sighed.  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy took a deep calming breath. She had come outside for some air and a chance to clear her brain. She was starting to think that if she stayed inside with Giles and his books any longer than she would go a little insane.  
  
Angelus. That was his true name. He was known as the Scourge of Europe because of being one of the most brutal vampires ever. Fifty years ago he seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth and was presumed dead.  
  
Yesterday he had shown up on a ship called the 'Titanic'.  
  
Buffy groaned. Soon dawn would break and she wanted to get her job over and done with. She wouldn't let Angelus kill any more people. It was her fault that he was still alive and out there, and she was going to perform her job. No matter what it cost her to do so.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
Buffy frowned and turned around to see where her name had come from. She found Xander and Willow staring at her with big guilty eyes. Buffy gave them a small tight smile and gave a fleeting moment of hope that they might actually want to talk to her after all she had put them through that day.  
  
"Look, Buffy," Xander said guardedly, "I'm sorry about what I said today. Maybe I over-reacted. Things are just a little crazy up in my head I can't even imagine what it must be like to live your life."  
  
Willow nodded. "I don't know about Xander, but if there's anything that you would like us to do to, you know, help or something, I'm always here."  
  
Buffy felt her eyes get a little moist. Was it possible? Could people really care about her? Could she really be the slayer and still have a normal life? "Thanks. That means more to me than either of you can ever know."  
  
"What would you like us to do?" Willow asked.  
  
Buffy frowned. Now that she had help, she wasn't sure what she should do with it. "Um, research, I guess. The perks of slaying."  
  
Willow's eyes lit up. "Research? I'm good at research!"  
  
"You're a strange girl, Will." Xander gave his best friend a funny look.  
  
Willow shrugged and looked at Buffy. "I *like* knowledge."  
  
Xander nodded. "Strange."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows.  
  
Xander rubbed his hands together eagerly. "So, where do we start?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Willow put down the book that she was looking through, "What was it like when he kissed you?" she asked, not being able to contain herself.  
  
Buffy gave her a weird look, "I'm guessing that Xander told you about that."  
  
Willow leaned forward eagerly, "He may have mentioned it.."  
  
Buffy laughed. "Okay. Busted."  
  
"So, what was it like? Was it nice? Did you get shiveries? Oh! Did he have bad breath? I mean, being a vampire and all-"  
  
"Willow!" Buffy cut in sharply.  
  
Willow blushed sheepishly. "Sorry."  
  
Buffy grinned, "It's okay. Actually, the kiss was more than okay. It was unbelievable."  
  
Willow grinned getting into it. "Unbelievable?"  
  
Buffy nodded and closed her eyes, "I wish that..."  
  
"You wish what?" Willow prodded.  
  
Buffy looked hopeful for a minute, but then she shook her head. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"I'm sorry, Buffy."  
  
"Don't be. He's evil. An evil vampire. And I'm good. Good wins over evil."  
  
"I could kill him for you if you want," Willow offered hopefully. She felt so bad for her new friend. Plus, she knew what it was like to really care for someone. She couldn't imagine ever being asked to harm Xander.  
  
"S'okay. Somehow I think I'd feel even more guilty than now if he killed you."  
  
Willow gave a forced laugh. "Vampires can't be *that* hard to kill. Can they?  
  
"*Yes* they *are* that hard to kill, Willow, so don't try anything stupid," Buffy warned.  
  
Willow gave a little pout and was about to protest about how strong she actually was when Xander appeared beside her. Her heart gave a little leap, and she unconsciously ran a hand through her hair.  
  
"This isn't getting us anywhere! What exactly are we researching anyway?" Xander snapped.  
  
Buffy shrugged, "I don't know."  
  
"That's because you're reading the book upside down," Willow pointed out.  
  
Buffy gave a sheepish smile. "Right. That could be kind of problematic."  
  
Xander sighed. "Look, whatever. It's not that I have any real problems with sitting around an English guy's stateroom all night, but I need to start working in a few hours and we haven't found anything that's going to help you kill Angel."  
  
Buffy looked down and tried her best to get a handle on her emotions. She knew that there wasn't really any point in hanging around Giles' stateroom. She already *knew* how to kill a vampire. She didn't have to research it.  
  
"You're right."  
  
Xander looked surprised. "I am? I mean, I am!"  
  
Willow looked at Buffy in worry, "Are you going to be okay?"  
  
Buffy fixed Xander with an angry glare. "I'll kill him, if that's what you're asking."  
  
"No, I mean. are you.." Willow trailed off when she realized it was useless. Buffy had already left. She glared at Xander, "That wasn't very nice of you."  
  
He looked a little offended. "It's not that I'm not worried about her, but what can she really feel for this guy anyway? She doesn't even know him! It will be much safer for all of us once she kills him."  
  
"And maybe you're just jealous," Willow whispered.  
  
Xander opened his mouth to reply when the door opened and Giles walked into his room, carrying a tray of tea. He frowned as he looked around. "Where's Buffy?"  
  
  
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are." Buffy whispered to the darkness.  
  
"You know that usually works better for cats."  
  
Buffy spun around, angry at herself for letting him sneak up on her. "Yeah, well, I was never a traditional slayer."  
  
Angel eyed her wearily. "Apparently," he said dryly.  
  
Buffy lifted her chin up in indignation. He was not going to get to her. She wasn't going to let his stupid comments bug her. He was evil. He was a vampire. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Angel shrugged, "Whatever you take it to mean."  
  
"Oh, so it could mean I'm going to kill you?" Buffy asked perkily. She could swear that she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes, and she mentally cursed herself for feeling bad about it.  
  
"Fine," he answered evenly, "kill me."  
  
Buffy almost dropped her stake in surprise. "What?"  
  
"Kill me," he repeated. "It's your job isn't it? To kill vampires?"  
  
Buffy held up her stake and took a step towards him. "I'm the slayer."  
  
"So slay."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"What are you waiting for?"  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
"I'm completely defenseless. You should take this chance now that you have it."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Angel vamped out and sneered at her. "Come on, Buffy, I would have expected more from you."  
  
Buffy moved closer to him and pressed the tip of her stake to where his heart would have beat if he'd been human. She took a deep breath and urged herself to get this over with. But she made a mistake. She looked up at the last minute. She found herself looking into his eyes. Yellow, glaring, feral eyes.  
  
Yellow, glaring, feral, *human* eyes.  
  
Buffy took a step back in surprise and dropped her stake without even realizing it. "You're different," she mumbled, still staring into his eyes.  
  
Angel gulped and let his human visage return. He cast his eyes down to the ground, embarrassed at letting her see that. "I'm a vampire."  
  
Buffy took a step closer, knowing that this could cost her life. "Look at me!"  
  
Angel lifted his head and stared into Buffy's deep green eyes. He took a deep shaky breath. She had learned what he was and yet she was still here. Angel didn't understand why, nor was he sure that he wanted to. "I was one of the most vicious vampires of my time. 100 years of mass murdering for the sheer pleasure of it. I thrived off people's terror, like an ambrosia. Every time I killed someone, I made it more cruel than the time before. And then I killed the wrong girl."  
  
Buffy took his hand and gave it a squeeze. Angel looked surprised at the contact, but Buffy just smiled reassuringly. "She was part of a gypsy clan and as punishment they gave me back my soul."  
  
Buffy frowned, "What?"  
  
"When a person becomes a vampire they lose their conscious. There is no remorse, no guilt. It's an easy way to live. You have no idea what it is like to have done the things that I've done and to care."  
  
Buffy looked at the ground, not quite sure what he wanted her to say. Angel nodded and steeled himself to walk away. It had been stupid thinking that she could care for a creature such as himself. He had to be the grown-up and walk away.  
  
Buffy looked up in time to see his retreating back. "What, that's it? You dump that on me and then walk away?"  
  
Angel stopped, but didn't turn. "It's better this way."  
  
"How would you know that? I mean, here I am trying to get over the fact that I don't need to kill the man that I've fallen in love with, and all you can say is that it is better this way???"  
  
"Fallen in love with?"  
  
Buffy's eyes widened. "Hey! No fair! No taking words out of my mouth! I never said that!"  
  
"Yes, you did. You said the man that I've fallen in lo-"  
  
"Whatever! It doesn't matter what I said! Just *stop* *running* *away*!"  
  
Angel sighed and turned around. "Buffy you're the slayer, and I. I'm a vampire."  
  
"A vampire with a soul."  
  
"That doesn't make me any less of a vampire. Plus, I didn't lie before, I *am* older than you."  
  
Buffy shrugged. "So? Everyone knows marrying an older rich man is considered lucky. Are you rich?"  
  
Angel closed his eyes. "Buffy that isn't the point."  
  
Buffy glared at him and walked closer. "You started stalking me first. You started this relationship and you're *not* going to end it."  
  
Angel unconsciously took a step forward. "They pretty much left out manners during your upbringing, didn't they?"  
  
Buffy sniffed. "I'm very ladylike."  
  
Angel smiled. "Sure you are."  
  
"Careful who you insult. I'm the slayer, remember?"  
  
"How could I forget? You nearly stabbed a stake through my unbeating heart."  
  
"Only because *you* told me to!"  
  
Angel took another step forward. "250."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm almost 250 years old."  
  
Buffy stopped mid-step. "You're what???"  
  
"Older than you."  
  
Buffy looked frozen. "Yeah, I'm getting that," she mumbled.  
  
Angel gave her a small sad smile. "I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy folded her arms over her chest and tried not to let her disappointment show. "How old were you when you died?"  
  
Angel bit his lip. "Good-bye, Buffy."  
  
Buffy blinked back tears and stared at Angel's back in shock for the second time that night. They had been so close. So close, and yet so far. Buffy was surprised at how much she wanted to feel him against her again. His lips against hers, his hands in her hair. She closed her eyes and wished that he was just a normal human being and they could start all over again. Buffy watched him go and made a decision.  
  
She ran after him.  
  
She grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her. "Stop walking away from me!"  
  
Angel looked at her in surprise and before Buffy could say anything else she found his lips on hers. The kiss was warm and tender. Buffy gasped when she felt Angel's hands on her back and through her hair. He pulled away and looked deeply in her eyes.  
  
"Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't ha-"  
  
Buffy pushed her lips against his, silencing his outburst. She felt his tongues enter her mouth and Buffy eagerly met it with her own, in a sweet dance. She wrapped her arms around his neck in an effort to keep him there. Her blood was rushing and her heart was pounding and Buffy couldn't remember a time when she had felt like this.  
  
When they pulled away, Buffy was gasping for breath. "Yep, I'm fine."  
  
Angel nodded, also out of breath. "That was.."  
  
"Amazing," Buffy muttered. "How can something so bad feel so good?"  
  
Angel chuckled. "Whoever said this was bad?"  
  
"Well, I don't know. I just figured that with the whole me being a slayer, and you being a vampire, we were breaking a lot of rules." Buffy said.  
  
"Who's rules?"  
  
Buffy raised her hands in the air. "I don't know, okay! I just know that you are making me feel things that I've never felt before! And I don't want you to walk away! I want you to stay and tell me I'm beautiful, and hold me in your arms, with occasional kisses.. And help me now, before I embarrass myself even more!"  
  
Angel smiled. "I think you're beautiful when you're babbling."  
  
Buffy leaned against him, and Angel enfolded the slayer in his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world. "That's not a bad start."  
  
Angel kissed the top of her head. "You always look beautiful."  
  
Buffy blushed. "Okay, *now* you're just embarrassing." Buffy marveled at the way that she fit against him, like they were made to be together. "This feels right. I've only known you for a day, and it feels like."  
  
"Much longer," Angel finished thinking back to the first time that he had seen her.  
  
"We're even finishing each other's sentences. God, we'd make the most annoying couple."  
  
"Is that what you want? To be a couple?"  
  
"Why? Are you saying that you don't want." Buffy gulped, "to be with me?"  
  
"No, I didn't mean that. I just want to make sure that you're happy." Angel said.  
  
Buffy turned around and cupped his face in her hands. "Angel, you're all I've thought about since I've met you. When I thought that I would have to kill you, it hurt more than I thought was possible. If you tell me you want to be mine, you'll be making me the happiest girl alive."  
  
Angel leaned forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss. "I'll never let you go," he vowed.  
  
TBC 


	4. Four

Angel looked up at the sky worriedly. "Sunrise is coming."  
  
Buffy frowned. "Damnit! Mom is going to kill me! You know what? Never mind sunrise! Sunrise, be damned! I *don't* care if she finds my bed empty." Buffy paused for breath and noticed Angel's raised eyesbrows. Suddenly sheepish, Buffy blushed, "Of course, you'd be a big pile of dust."  
  
"You have no shame," Angel commented wryly.  
  
"Hey! I've never actually *cared* about a vampire walking into the sunrise before now!" Buffy snapped haughtily.  
  
Angel chuckled and pulled Buffy against him. "That's not what I meant. It was your use of the word damn. A proper lady would never curse."  
  
Buffy smirked and resisted shivering at his nearness. "I told you, I'm not a proper lady." She looked up at the sky and sighed. "You'd better get inside." Buffy rested her forehead against his, willing time to go just a little slower. "I could walk you to your room."  
  
Angel wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I would be delighted if the lady walked me home."  
  
Buffy giggled. "I'm going to be in so much trouble when I don't get up to have breakfast with mom, tomorrow."  
  
Angel tightened his grip on her shoulders, and led her through a series of passageways and elevators, until Buffy was thoroughly confused. Finally, he stopped at a stateroom that Buffy thought looked awfully familiar. "Hey!" she exclaimed, "isn't that my room?"  
  
Angel nodded. "Do you really think you would have found your way back here after you dropped me off?"  
  
Buffy thought about all the long hallways that Angel had led her down, and the lack of stewards around at this time of night. She didn't bother asking how he knew where *her* stateroom was. It didn't surprise that he knew where she slept. "You're right."  
  
"Of course I'm right," Angel answered with a half smile.  
  
Buffy noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes, and she wished that she could make all the pain that he undoubtedly suffered go away. She caressed the side of his face gently. "We have to say good-bye now."  
  
Angel gulped. "I know."  
  
"Can I meet you somewhere tonight?" Buffy asked with wide eyes.  
  
"I'll find you."  
  
"I'll miss you," Buffy whispered, knowing that she was being incredibly daring, but not caring.  
  
Angel grasped her hand. "I'll miss you more."  
  
"Can I." Buffy gulped nervously, "have a good-night kiss?"  
  
Angel leaned down, and stopped inches from her lips. "You don't have to ask," he said right before meeting her mouth in a passionate embrace.  
  
Of course, things just hadn't been going all that well for Buffy today. The kiss was amazing, and since every kiss that Buffy had with Angel was amazing, that wasn't too much of a surprise. It was the other factor that was a little less amazing.  
  
"Bu. Buffy?"  
  
Angel pulled back, eyes wide with surprise. Buffy stared at him in panic, not sure what to do. Slowly she turned her head around to face the person that had so rudely interrupted them. "Giles."  
  
Giles brandished a cross, which he hugged to his chest. He pulled out at stake and advanced on Angel. "What did you do to her, you beast?" he hissed.  
  
Angel looked at Buffy helplessly. "Giles. stop!" she cried.  
  
Giles shook his head. "No! It isn't you."  
  
Buffy moved as quick as she could in between her watcher and her boyfriend. "It's me, Giles. He didn't turn me."  
  
"He didn't?" Giles asked hopefully squinting at Buffy. "No, that isn't true. You're just trying to trick me."  
  
"I'm not! Look, if I was a vampire, I would have already killed you." Buffy protested.  
  
Giles faltered. "Then, why are you protecting him?"  
  
"Because he isn't evil! He has a soul, Angel's a good vampire."  
  
Giles advanced in two quick steps and held the cross up to Angel's face. Angel hissed in surprise and dove backwards. Giles looked at his vampire face in disgust. "Funny, all I see is the monster."  
  
Buffy took a deep angry breath and slapped Giles across the face as hard as she could. Before he could recover, she grabbed the cross from his hand and held it up in front of his face. "See? It's not burning me. He didn't do anything to me. Angel wouldn't hurt me."  
  
Giles looked at the cross in Buffy's hand with wide eyes. She was surprised when he lunged at her and held her tight. "You're all right," he mumbled.  
  
"I thought we already covered this." Buffy wheezed out, from being squeezed so hard. Giles flushed in embarrassment and took a step back.  
  
"But how? Why?"  
  
"Do you trust me, Giles?"  
  
"Buffy, that isn't fair."  
  
"*Do* you trust me?" Buffy asked again.  
  
"I don't know if I trust you when it comes to this vampire," Giles admitted.  
  
Buffy gave a small smile. "I asked for an honest answer."  
  
Giles sighed. "Buffy, you know that I-"  
  
Buffy held up her hand. "It's okay. I understand." Buffy turned around to find Angel leaning against the wall of the ship, back in his human face. She leaned down so that she was level with his eyes. Tenderly she stroked the burned mark that the cross had left. Angel closed his eyes and grasped her hand in his.  
  
Giles watched the two in amazement. There was complete trust between the two of them. Complete trust between a vampire and a slayer. It was ludicrous to just think about it, and, yet, here it was. There was something different about this vampire. Something that Giles couldn't quite put his finger on.  
  
"Are you okay?" Buffy whispered so that only Angel could hear.  
  
Angel opened his eyes and kissed the tips of Buffy's fingers. He looked at her intently, " It really doesn't bother you?"  
  
Buffy shrugged, "What doesn't bother me?"  
  
"Me being what I am. A monster."  
  
Buffy gave him a horrified expression. "You're not a monster," she said firmly, caressing his face.  
  
"You don't know that," Angel whispered. "You don't know what I've done. You don't know what I feel."  
  
Buffy's eyes softened. "No. I don't know what you've done. But your punishment certainly isn't fair. You're the most handsome, gentle, sweet, loving man I know. It doesn't bother me, because I can see your soul."  
  
"Thank you," Angel said with a half smile.  
  
Buffy pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Anytime." She knew that his doubts were still there, but she had quelled them for the time being, and that was the important thing.  
  
Giles watched the exchange between vampire and slayer. And he knew. He could see it in the vampire's eyes. He watched as Buffy helped him up, and the way that he looked at her like she was the second coming. "You have a soul," Giles said to him in awe.  
  
Buffy grinned. "Figured that out about a mile down the road. Geez, keep up, would you?"  
  
Angel gave Buffy an amused glance. "Gypsy curse," he said in way of an answer.  
  
Giles nodded. "Ahh."  
  
Buffy turned to Angel. "Now, he's going to be up all night researching it," she paused and frowned. "Or maybe not because it's technically morning, so he can't really stay up all night."  
  
Angel leaned forward and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Good-night."  
  
Buffy watched his back disappear down the hall and she gave a little sad sigh. With an inward frown, she slowly turned her attention back to her watcher. "So, on a scale from one to ten, how mad at me are you?"  
  
Giles took off his glasses and regarded her seriously. "I'm very angry, Buffy. Do you have the slightest idea how worried about you I was? I came back to my room to find you gone, and, according to your friends, you were out to kill one of the cruelest vampires ever. And then, once you realized that Angel had a soul, you returned here, rather than coming to see me."  
  
Buffy looked down. "I'm sorry."  
  
"As well you should be. What would I have told your mother if you had turned up dead? How would I have gone on, knowing what I had left my slayer to?"  
  
Buffy bit her lip. "Angel would *never* hurt me."  
  
"Buffy, I know that you lo. have strong feelings for him, but you mustn't forget that Angelus is a vampire, and is indeed very capable of hurting you." Giles said kindly.  
  
Buffy looked him straight in the eyes. "No. I've only known him two days. and yet. I feel like I would know him anywhere. He wouldn't hurt me, Giles."  
  
"Be that as it may, it doesn't change the fact that what you went out to do tonight was showing very poor judgment on your part. What if he had been evil, Buffy?"  
  
"I know! Fine! It was stupid, but I couldn't help it. I'm sorry for feeling all these stupid emotions. When I thought that he had been using me, I felt this incredible rage, but when I actually found him and tried to kill him. I couldn't do it. And I don't know why."  
  
Giles smiled sympathetically. "It's called growing up."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I hate it when you tell me that."  
  
"Get some rest," Giles replied with another sad smile.  
  
Buffy sighed. "And *please* don't be mad in the morning."  
  
Giles gave a small wave as Buffy disappeared behind her stateroom door. He stared at her closed door for a long time. "I was never mad," he finally whispered before turning away.  
  
  
  
1 Wednesday April 12, 1912  
  
Buffy groaned and rolled over. She could feel it getting closer. Louder. Moaning, she covered her face in her hands. No. She wouldn't do it. She wouldn't. Louder. Closer. Banging.  
  
"WHAT???"  
  
"Buffy, dear, you promised to keep me company for breakfast this morning."  
  
Buffy buried her head in a pillow. It was a dream. This was all a dream. A terrible nightmare. One that would be over as soon as she closed her eyes and.. BAM!  
  
The banging started again.  
  
"Buffy! Are you ill?"  
  
Buffy opened her eyes. Apparently her mother wasn't going to be persuaded out of their mother/daughter breakfast *this* morning. "I'm coming," Buffy grumbled bitterly under her breath. She could swear that she had only fallen asleep ten minutes ago. Checking her wristwatch, Buffy realized that she was wrong. She had only fallen asleep five minutes ago.  
  
Every bone in her body protesting the movement, Buffy hauled herself out of bed. "I'll be there in a few minutes, mother!" Dressing quickly-as slayers sometimes needed to do in emergencies-Buffy soon had her hair and dress done, and she hoped with all her might that the lack of sleep was covered up by those super slayer powers.  
  
When she opened the door to her room, she found her mother standing impatiently on the other end. Joyce smiled at her warmly, and Buffy thanked god that she didn't say anything about the way that she looked. Joyce gave her daughter the once over from head to toe, and deciding that she looked presentable, turned and sauntered down the hall.  
  
Buffy leaned her head against the door of her room and took a deep breath. Her body was calling out for sleep and she inwardly cursed herself for staying out with Angel as long as she had. Of course, she didn't curse all that much, because, after all, time spent with Angel, was time well spent. And then, there *were* those dreams that she had in that brief five minute sleeping time.  
  
During breakfast, Buffy's mom spent a lot of time exclaiming about the wonderfullness that was the 'Titanic.' Buffy wasn't paying all that much attention, as she was trying to keep from falling asleep in her eggs, but she thought that she nodded at all the right times, and her mother didn't see to notice her lack of awareness.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and let her mind wander to a certain dark, mysterious, vampire. He said that he would find her. She supposed that meant that he would find her later tonight after the sun went down. Buffy instantly regretted not asking what his room number was. Waiting until dark seemed like an awfully long time.  
  
"And the captain says that the 'Titanic' is breaking all kinds of speed records." Joyce cried excitedly.  
  
Buffy yawned, disinterested. "Mmm, seems kind of dangerous at this time of year, considering all the ice bergs that are out in the sea."  
  
The slayer's mother leaned over and patted her daughter's hand reassuringly. "Nothing to worry about, sweetie. This ship is unsinkable."  
  
Buffy yawned again. 'Whatever,' she thought, '*anything* is possible in this world. And the saddest part is. a sinking ship is the least of my worries.' "I'm sure that it is very sturdy."  
  
Joyce gave Buffy a weird look. "Is everything all right?"  
  
Buffy looked around nervously. 'Is it that obvious?' "Never been better."  
  
Mrs. Summers frowned and looked closer at Buffy. Buffy widened her eyes and tried to look as innocent as possible. Finally, her mother shrugged and went back to her food. "I have to say that this is the best omelet that I have ever tried. Would you like some, Buffy?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Across the room, a stranger was watching mother and daughter closely. He was so entranced that he jumped when a waitress asked if he would like some more coffee, since his was cold. Always a gentleman, the man smiled and politely asked for another one. The waitress had barely turned away when the stranger turned his attention back to the blonde girl. He found himself entranced by her, nothing in this world had ever held his attention like this before.  
  
He was disappointed when the girl got up, kissed her mother on the cheek, and left the room. Though he was sad to see her go, the man used this to his advantage. He approached the table with grace and smiled stunningly down at the mother.  
  
"I was wondering," he said, "if this seat was taken."  
  
  
  
  
  
"So, I finally got myself into bed, closed my eyes, and fell into a deep sleep, when the my door started banging."  
  
"You're *door* banged?" Xander muttered.  
  
Buffy nodded. "I swear it! I was lying there, minding my own business when BOOM! The door banged."  
  
Willow suppressed a yawn. "Maybe the ship is haunted," she suggested half-heartedly.  
  
Buffy made a face. "And then I found my mother on the other side."  
  
Xander leaned back in his chair. "Family breakfast?"  
  
"Of the *worst* kind." Buffy pouted.  
  
Willow looked at Buffy in sympathy. "But, hey! You got Angel. So, not all bad."  
  
Xander shot up straight, despite his heavy lethargy. "Buffy, Angel's a vampire. I thought we already covered this." Willow punched him on the arm. Xander frowned. "Ow."  
  
Buffy sighed and closed her eyes. "Yeah, Angel."  
  
Willow brightened considerably. "Happy thoughts?"  
  
"The best," Buffy admitted with a sly grin.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Does anyone ever listen to me?"  
  
"NO!" both girls replied at the same time.  
  
Xander sighed and shrunk down in his chair again. The three of them were sitting out on the deck, since it was the only time that Willow and Xander were getting off all day. The only problem was the nighttime activities from the night before had taken a toll out of all three of them. Still, despite the circumstances, Buffy felt wonderful knowing that she had people that knew about her secret, and still wanted to be her friends.  
  
"You know what the worst part it though?" Buffy asked. Two pairs of eyes looked at her questioningly. "I won't even get to see him again until tonight! And so far, the only times I've seen him have been late at night. I don't know if my body will let me stay up that late."  
  
"You're right. That *is* awful," Xander said with false-sympathy.  
  
Willow gave her friend a sad look. "I'm sorry, Buffy."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "No, it's fine. Really, it is. You have no idea what a relief it was not to have to kill him."  
  
"Incredible relief," Xander muttered.  
  
Willow rolled her eyes. "Ignore him."  
  
Buffy gave Xander a hurt look. "I'm trying."  
  
Xander sighed, feeling bad about hurting Buffy. He still didn't like Angel, but he had to admit that Buffy had feelings for the vampire. no matter how sick and twisted it was. "I have an idea," he said.  
  
"Xander," Willow said warningly.  
  
Xander held up his hands. "Hey! Even *I* can see how much Buffy cares about him." Buffy looked at Xander, suddenly hopeful. "You want to figure out where Angel is wholed up right?" Buffy nodded. "Well, Willow and I start working again in about 10 minutes, I bet with a little inquiring around to some of the female staff we can find out where he is."  
  
Willow looked at him strangely. "Why would they know where he was?"  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Please! I've seen this guy! Any women within a 50 mile radius would be crazy not to notice him. And that was *with* the ugly vampire teeth."  
  
Buffy gave him an amused smile. "That's good, Xand. Really."  
  
Xander's eyes widened and he blushed. "No! Not that I." he sighed. "Never mind."  
  
Willow looked wistfully off into space. "It's true. He *is* a honey."  
  
Buffy gave her a sharp look. "And you know this how?"  
  
Willow blushed. "Buffy, I would never! Don't think that I. I would never do that to you!"  
  
Buffy laughed. "I know, I know. Just curious, is all."  
  
"Well, I'm on the staff and some of the other. staff pointed him out to me."  
  
Xander nodded. "I knew it!"  
  
"They better stay away from *my* guy," Buffy grumbled.  
  
Willow snorted. "I wouldn't put it past some of the people on this ship to do anything they can to keep *you* away from him."  
  
Buffy sighed. "I can't believe this. I'm in love with a vampire. A vampire that just happens to look like an angel."  
  
Willow gave her a supportive pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry. You have slayer strength."  
  
"Yeah!" Xander chimed in, "you can beat anyone to a bloody pulp who dares to look at him."  
  
"I wonder what his last name is.." Buffy said dreamily, clearly not having heard anything that her friends had said.  
  
Xander rolled his eyes. "Earth to Buffy, we have a situation!"  
  
Willow glared at him. "I think it's sweet."  
  
"You're right. It's adorable. Two sworn enemies making googly eyes at each other. Just great."  
  
"Do you think that vampires can get married? I mean, they'd have to go in a church and everything, but. if it's for the greater good of all.."  
  
This time even Willow had to roll her eyes. "See you later, Buffy," she said.  
  
Buffy finally focused on her. "You're leaving?"  
  
"Yep," Xander said as he stood and stretched. "We must go sweat blood."  
  
"Work," Willow supplied.  
  
Buffy grinned. "Like Angel research work?"  
  
Xander groaned. "Angel, Angel, Angel. That's all you talk about."  
  
"I'll check back here as soon as I get a break," Willow offered with a pointed glance at Xander.  
  
Xander sighed. "Yeah, me too," he mumbled.  
  
Buffy leaned back and stretched leisurely. "Have fun."  
  
"Of course! I love looking after other people!" Xander snorted.  
  
"Mmm," Buffy muttered, already half-asleep.  
  
"Our job sucks!" Xander whispered to Willow as they walked away. "Not only do we have to wait on people hand and foot, but we also get to do research for the slayer's demony boyfriend. Doesn't seem fair if you ask me."  
  
"No one did," Willow pointed out.  
  
Buffy groaned and rolled over as her friend's chatter faded from her ears. She hoped that Willow and Xander came back quickly. It was strange, but she had a deep longing to see Angel again. Buffy smiled, thinking about him. It was amazing how fast she had fallen in love, and how deep.  
  
Suddenly, she felt a shadow cover her body, and she rolled over, wondering where the sun had went. When the shadow didn't move she moaned tiredly and opened her eyes to see whom her intruder was. Her bleary eyes focused on a handsome stranger standing over her.  
  
The man was tall, she noted. Taller than Angel. Blonde hair and blue eyes accompanied a rugged face. The stranger gave her a huge silly grin and stuck out his hand. "Hi," he said, "I was just hanging around here, all bored, when I noticed this girl sitting all alone. And then, I thought, that I'd go over and talk to her. You know, so we could be bored together. But now I'm thinking that I just interrupted some pretty important lying in the sun and sleeping time."  
  
Buffy yawned, tiredly. He definitely was taking up her sleeping time. But she smiled at his cute attempt to make conversation. She took the proffered hand, and looked at the man curiously. "Buffy Summers. It's nice to meet you."  
  
The man blushed. "I'm sorry. I guess I forget about the whole "introducing" aspect. I'm Riley. Riley Finn."  
  
TBC 


	5. Five

"Hmm, Riley," Buffy mused, "that's an interesting name."  
  
Riley shrugged and sat down in the spot that Willow and Xander had vacated just a minute ago. "Not quite as interesting as the name Buffy."  
  
"I've always been different," Buffy said dryly.  
  
Riley grinned. "I know."  
  
"You… you know?" Buffy questioned with wide eyes.  
  
"Well… yeah," Riley said giving her a weird look. "You're not like other girls. You're different."  
  
"You have no idea," Buffy muttered.  
  
"It's not a bad thing. In fact, I'd take it as a compliment."  
  
Buffy smiled at his cute attempts at flirting with her. He was nice, handsome, obviously rich, but… definitely not Angel. And *that* was the only thing that mattered.  
  
"So, what's a pretty girl like you doing out here all alone?" Riley asked.  
  
Buffy winced. Here it was. The perfect chance to tell him all about Angel and how she was very involved with someone. "I don't know… I've always been a loner."  
  
'Oh, that was smooth, Summers, very smooth,' Buffy told herself inwardly.  
  
"So, there isn't… anyone, then?"  
  
"Don't you think that isn't any of your business?" Buffy fixed him with an icy glare, making it clear that *she* didn't think that it was any of his business. 'He's probably talked to my mother or something…'  
  
Riley blushed. "You're right. That was very forward of me. But I must admit that I haven't been completely honest with you. I talked to your mother earlier and she made it seem like you were open for…" Riley coughed into his hand, "conversation."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. 'And what a fun conversation this is turning out to be.' "My mother?" She asked, trying to keep her voice light.  
  
Riley nodded. "She's a very nice women."  
  
"I'll bet," Buffy muttered. Great. Now, she *couldn't* mention Angel without it getting back to her mother. And if her mother found out about some old stranger, then the words "there would be trouble" was a gross understatement. Of course, that wasn't even bringing up the vampire thing.  
  
"Anyway, she mentioned that you were looking around for a… husband."  
  
'Oh boy," Buffy groaned inwardly, 'this is worse than I thought. Time for a serious chat with mommy-dearest.' "I thought that you just found me now. Isn't that strange? It's almost as if you've been watching me. But I'm sure that a gentleman like yourself would never do something like that."  
  
Riley turned crimson. "Maybe I haven't been telling you the whole truth."  
  
Buffy feigned surprise. "Really?"  
  
Riley didn't pick up the sarcasm in her voice. "I have been watching you, and I've decided that I've never seen anyone like you before and—"  
  
'Uh oh, time to make one of those quick get-aways.' Buffy stood up. "You know what? This has been fun, and I hope to do it again sometime. But I just remembered that I have that… thing. Yes, that thing. Bye."  
  
Riley stared after her with wide eyes. "She's a little peculiar."  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy wandered around the long winding halls of the titanic hoping that some luck would be on her side and she would magically run into Willow or Xander. "Stupid Riley and his stupid conversations," she muttered under her breath. Looking around she sighed and resigned herself to face the harsh reality that she was lost.  
  
"Well this is just great," Buffy muttered to herself as she continued to steer randomly down the long winding halls of the 'titanic.' "This is just wonderful. I don't know where I am, my friends disappeared, and the man of my dreams is no where to be seen."  
  
Buffy groaned and wandered down another long winding hall that looked surprising familiar. "That's because you've already been down it, genius." Buffy looked carefully around to make sure that no one was watching her. "You've got the strangest thing with talking to yourself, Buffy. I really think that you should stop it now before you end up in an insane asylum. That is where they put people that swear they kill vampires."  
  
Buffy's eyes ticked wearily to the stateroom numbers, in hopes that they would give her a clue as to where she was. 208, 209, 210, 211, 212... nope, it wasn't helping.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Buffy turned her head at the sound of her name being called. When she saw the person doing the calling, she sighed wearily and plastered on a big fake smile. "Mom... hi."  
  
"What are you doing down here, sweetie?"  
  
'Well, I ran down here in hopes of escaping the man that you sent sniffing me out.' Somehow Buffy didn't think that her mother would take that as an acceptable answer. "I'm lost," Buffy admitted.  
  
"Did you meet Riley?" Joyce asked excitedly.  
  
"Yes... but..."  
  
"Isn't he wonderful? I talked to the young man earlier today, and he seemed very interested in you." Joyce went on as if she didn't even hear her daughter talk.  
  
"Really? How surprising," Buffy muttered sarcastically.  
  
Buffy's mother grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hall. "I know his mother. Charming woman, I must say. Very rich, family. I do hope that he will propose to you."  
  
"Oh, yes," Buffy agreed. "That would be all my dreams come true."  
  
Joyce didn't pick up on the bitterness in her voice. "I'm very happy about this, Buffy."  
  
"I've noticed."  
  
"Riley seems like such a nice man," Joyce gushed as she continued to lead Buffy through the ship. Buffy tried frantically to follow the turns they were taking, but she had to admit that she would be completely lost if it weren't for the arm that Joyce was gripping. "I think that he could make you very happy."  
  
"I'm sure he could." 'If I felt even a tenth of what I feel for him as I do, Angel,' Buffy added silently.  
  
"What do you think of him, honey?"  
  
'Nice of you to ask my opinion, mother,' Buffy thought. "I don't know… I've only had one conversation with him," Buffy answered carefully, she didn't want to inadvertently say the wrong thing. "Plus, you know what they say about sea board romances and all that…"  
  
The elder Summer's woman frowned. "No, I don't believe that I do know."  
  
"They're bad. Very, very bad." Buffy supplied quickly.  
  
"Buffy, is there something you aren't telling me?"  
  
'Yes, he's cryptic, prefers blood, and looks like an angel.' Buffy plastered on a fake smile. "No, not at all. I'm being very honest. Painfully. Honest."  
  
Her mother sighed. "Sometimes I wonder what goes on in the head of yours."  
  
"Not as much as I do," Buffy murmured.  
  
Joyce shook her head. "So what's the final verdict on Riley?"  
  
"Look, mom, I mean this in the nicest way possible, Riley is nice. Very handsome. And apparently rich, too. But I just don't think I'm ready for… marriage."  
  
"Buffy don't be silly. You're 17."  
  
Buffy stared at her mother and wondered if she would ever get it. "I don't think that age is what should define whether or not you're ready to spend the rest of your life with one person."  
  
Joyce looked a little hurt. "I'm sorry… I just thought you might appreciate what I was doing for you. Young me aren't exactly banging your door down."  
  
'Well, when you have the kind of job that I have, meeting people usually gets them dead.' Buffy groaned when she realized that they were back out on the promenade. And there was Riley, looking out at the ocean with an amused smile twitching his lips. Buffy quickly moved as far away as she could, hoping that her mother didn't notice.  
  
Unfortunately, Joyce *had* noticed, and she wasn't about to let the opportunity pass her by. "Riley," she called happily, walking quickly up to him, "how are you, dear?"  
  
Riley smiled pleasantly. "Mrs. Summer's. It is an honor to see you again."  
  
Joyce beamed. "Buffy was just talking about you. Isn't that right, honey?" Joyce turned, looking for an answer. "Buffy? Buffy?? BUFFY???"  
  
  
  
Buffy walked away quickly, hoping that her mother hadn't noticed her fast get-away. She was relieved when she found that her mother wasn't running after her, screaming her name at the top of her lungs. She knew that Joyce meant well, and she loved her mother for it, but sometimes she wished that she could tell her the things that were supposed to be kept secret.  
  
Like the slaying.  
  
And Angel.  
  
Actually, Buffy wasn't sure about the last part. Angel *was* a vampire, of that there was not getting out of, but maybe she could introduce Angel and her mother and just never bring up the whole "vampire thing". Joyce would probably accept that, wouldn't she?  
  
Buffy sighed and hit herself on the head when she realized that she was hopelessly lost again. Giles was right when he was explaining the fact that the 'Titanic' was the biggest ship ever made. She mentally cursed herself for her most annoying deep thoughts and tried to concentrate on the way that she took to get herself to where she was.  
  
Buffy was backing up, chewing on her bottom lip in concentration when she ran smack into someone.  
  
"Is this becoming a habit?"  
  
Xander. Barely taking the time to fully take him in, Buffy launched herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I found you! I found you!"  
  
Xander thought that he might really be having some trouble breathing. Then, he realized exactly whom he has holding in his arms. His body immediately responded to the fact that Buffy was pressed right up against him… and she pulled away and looked at him hopefully.  
  
"Did you find out where Angel is?"  
  
Xander forced out a thin smile. Apparently Buffy hadn't just had a total turn around in realizing the error of her ways. "I tried, but everyone I asked just laughed in my face. It was kind of degrading, actually."  
  
"Oh," Buffy muttered, disappointed.  
  
"But I'm sure that Willow was able to get it," Xander added with as much enthusiasm he could muster.  
  
Buffy tried to look optimistic. "That would be nice."  
  
"What's the biggie, anyway? I mean, he did say that he would find you tonight, right?"  
  
Buffy smiled sadly. "He did, but I can't help but feel like we're treading on the brink of something really big and we should just enjoy our time while we have it, you know? Maybe it's a slayer thing. There's no telling how long I'm going to be alive for."  
  
Xander's mind rebuked the idea of Buffy losing a battle of the supernatural. "You have back up now, Buff. Nothing will happen to you."  
  
Buffy smiled fondly at him—kind of broke Xander's heart a little to just know it was fondly—and gave him another hug. "Thanks, Xander. That means a lot."  
  
"No problem," Xander choked out, overcome by the feel of holding Buffy in his arms once again.  
  
This time it was Xander who pulled away. "Come on, I think I know where to find, Willow."  
  
  
  
"Are you supposed to be working right now?" Buffy questioned as Xander led her through the ship. She was fairly certain that sometime soon she would need to make up a map to find her way around.  
  
"If anyone asks, I'm helping the lady," Xander said quickly.  
  
"Of course." The two pressed on in silence, Buffy was enjoying having the silent companionship, and Xander was reveling in the time spent with Buffy *alone*. "Do you even know where Willow is?" Buffy finally asked, breaking the silence.  
  
Xander turned crimson when he realized that he had been watching Buffy more than he had been paying attention to where Willow may or may not be. "Sort of," he mumbled.  
  
"Sort of, like 'yes, I have an idea', or sort of like, 'I have not clue?'"  
  
"I do have *some* idea," Xander muttered, "I know that she works with the first class."  
  
"That *is* helpful," Buffy sighed.  
  
"We'll find her eventually," Xander said reassuringly.  
  
Buffy stood still and looked at Xander with a questioning look. "This has to be the calmest ship that I have ever been on. I don't feel any tremors or anything."  
  
Xander nodded. "I heard that the Captain is speeding up, too. Wants to break speed records or something."  
  
"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Buffy shivered, like she sometimes did when she knew that there was some new vampire that needed to be dusted. "It's pretty cold in the ocean at this time of year."  
  
"The captain has been sailing for many years now, Buffy. I'm sure that he knows what he's doing. Besides, this ship is unsinkable." Xander chastised, as if he was talking to a regular girl with a case of the "jitters".  
  
Buffy sighed. She wasn't a normal girl—she was the slayer. And she knew what bad signs were when she got them. Although, apparently Xander still couldn't accept the fact that she wasn't ordinary. "What are you going to do in America once you get there?" Buffy questioned, ready to change the subject.  
  
"I don't know… I was thinking about doing some manual labor, or building. I'm good at doing things with my hands."  
  
Buffy smiled longingly. "I wish that I was free to do whatever I liked."  
  
Xander patted her hand. "Come one! You have got to be the first slayer in history to have such cool friends."  
  
"That's for sure." Buffy gave a little chuckle, thinking about how she was the *only* slayer in history to try and have friends.  
  
"So what about finding Willow?" Xander reminded her.  
  
"Right. Willow." Buffy gave a wry smile thinking of the red-head. Of course, thinking about Willow led to thinking about why they were looking for her in the first place. That led to thinking about certain dark, charming, vampires.  
  
"Why don't we check the promenade?" Xander suggested.  
  
"NO!" Buffy cried. "I will *not* go back on the promenade."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"My mom met a man."  
  
Xander frowned. "I thought your mother was married."  
  
"A man that she thought would make a perfect husband for her dearest darling daughter."  
  
"Oh," Xander said. "And I'm guessing that this mysterious man wasn't Angel."  
  
"No, he certainly wasn't," Buffy agreed.  
  
"What was his name?"  
  
"Finn."  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows, "Finn like a fish?"  
  
"Finn like a Fish. I think he said that his first name was Riley."  
  
"I've heard of his family. They're supposed to be rich." Xander grimaced, "I hate rich people."  
  
Buffy pouted. "I miss Angel."  
  
Xander groaned. "I know, I know. Angel, Angel, Angel! I'm sure that's all you think about, too."  
  
Buffy didn't deny it, and Xander didn't ask.  
  
A short time later, Buffy and Xander stumbled upon a maid cleaning the floor of the dining hall. The maid introduced herself as Amy, and told them that Willow had just gone off to the first class promenade to look for her friends. Buffy and Xander gave her their thanks, and Buffy reluctantly found herself facing the ocean again.  
  
Luckily, neither Riley nor Joyce was within seeing distance, so Buffy allowed herself to relax slightly. "Okay, don't make any loud movements that will draw attention to us," Buffy whispered urgently to Xander.  
  
"Would I do something like that?" Xander demanded sounding offended.  
  
Buffy's resounding glare was his only response.  
  
"Where *is* Willow?" Buffy muttered, squinting out across the deck.  
  
Xander looked in the opposite direction, finally pointing at a small girl off in the distance, talking with someone. Buffy let out a line of curses under her breath that made Xander blush when she realized just whom her friend was talking to.  
  
"I *won't* go over there," Buffy stated.  
  
Xander shrugged. "Fine."  
  
Buffy sighed and began walking towards the pair. "For Angel. For Angel. For Angel," she repeated, as the distance closed way too quickly.  
  
As Buffy neared she began to hear snippets of the conversations. "And I want, two more towels, but they have to be *white* this time. Do we have an understanding? I don't want to come to my stateroom to see green towels hanging on the rack!!! And the pillows? Hello! They need to be *feather*!!! How hard is it for you people to get these things right??? Jeez! And you say that this is the most elegant ship ever."  
  
Buffy saw Willow nod her head and look down, clearly very intimidated by the sparkling first-class passenger that she was supposed to be helping. Buffy bristled with anger and marched up to Willow's side, glaring at her child-hood nemesis. Cordelia Chase.  
  
"Still, getting all your money from your father, Cordy? What? Haven't found a rich husband yet? Or do they just all run in fear once they learn your *real* personality?"  
  
Cordelia sniffed, and gave Buffy a wide smile, showing two rows of perfectly straight whitened teeth. "Buffy, Buffy," she said sadly, "last I heard, your mother was taking you back to America since you already scared away all the males living in this part of the world."  
  
Buffy glared and Cordelia glared right back. Xander shifted uncomfortably, feeling like he had missed something. Finally, Buffy grabbed Willows arm, "Come on. Let's go."  
  
Willow looked at her helplessly. "I would but… I need to do what she asks. It's kind of my job."  
  
Buffy folded her arms over her chest. "Fine, but I need you too. So I guess I'm just going to have to stick around until you're available."  
  
"Glad to see that you're going to learn how to do a servants work before you're forced into that position." Cordelia looked her over. "Although, that may be soon."  
  
"Oh good, I have a job recommendation from Queen C. My life is now complete," Buffy sniped.  
  
Xander held up his hands. "Wow, we have some animosity here." Both girls in question gave him matching "no kidding" looks.  
  
Willow frowned. "Why don't I just give you that number for that… thing."  
  
Buffy's eyes lit up. "Oh, right! The number for the… um… thing."  
  
"214," Willow said.  
  
Buffy squealed with joy and gave Willow an enthusiastic hug. "I'm in debt to you forever!"  
  
Cordelia coughed. "Not that this isn't sickening… but what thing, exactly, is this for?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "None. Of. Your. Business."  
  
The brunette looked as if she might pop. Everyone else's business was her business by right! "It wouldn't happen to be the room number of say… a handsome young man?"  
  
Buffy froze.  
  
"Would he happen to be going by the name of… Angel?"  
  
Buffy's eyes sparked with anger. "Stay out of my life," she hissed.  
  
Cordelia raised her eyebrows. "Oooh, did I strike a nerve?"  
  
Buffy bit her lip and willed herself to calm down. She was fairly certain that she might get into some trouble if she used some of her slayer strength on a weak little innocent.  
  
Cordelia looked at her perfectly polished fingernails and grinned. "I met him last night. Charming man, I must say. All broken up about some blonde girl that apparently left him all by his lonesome. Of course, I did everything I could to make him feel better."  
  
"I'll bet," Buffy snapped.  
  
Xander looked back and forth between the two girls. "I just realized that I need to go." Without another word, he took off and swore to never get between two women.  
  
Cordelia sighed dramatically and patted Buffy's cheek. "I have to go and make myself look nice for dinner. Something that you might try yourself at some point." Cordelia turned her back and snapped her fingers. "Willow!"  
  
Willow gave the slayer an apologetic look before hurrying off after Cordelia. Buffy found herself all alone on the deck, fuming at a certain brunette with way too much money and time on her hands. "And what did she say about Angel, anyway?" Buffy mumbled aloud. She got a few questioning glances, but she smiled sweetly until the passengers moved on. "Comforting him. Ha! I bet five minutes with her and Angel couldn't wait to get away."  
  
Buffy felt her stomach bottom out. Just because *she* couldn't spend five minutes in the same room as Cordelia didn't mean that Angel couldn't. Besides, men liked Cordelia. Buffy had learned at least that much from her child-hood nemesis.  
  
Buffy shivered and she realized that it was getting chilly out on the promenade.  
  
'Might as well go look for that stateroom… good old number 214. Once Angel sees me, he'll forget all about stupid Cordelia.' Buffy frowned. Now all she had to do was figure out how to get there.  
  
  
  
20 minutes later, Buffy stood outside 214. She couldn't help but feel like she had been in this part of the ship at some point earlier that day. Shrugging, she figured that her internal senses were all thrown off from being on a ship as big as a country.  
  
She felt her heart speed up when she realized just *who* stood on the other side of that door. Suddenly feeling dizzy, Buffy backed away from the door and stood on the opposite wall. This was it. Her chance to see him. None of the other stuff mattered. Not Riley. Not her mother. And not Cordelia.  
  
Angel was on the other side of that door.  
  
Woozily Buffy forced herself to her feet. 'I hope you realize how embarrassing this is. You're acting almost as if you're intoxicated.' Buffy gave a short bitter chuckle at the thought. She was drunk… drunk on love.  
  
She stumbled back to other side of the hall and raised a shaking fist to knock. Before her hand made contact with the door, a chorus of 'what ifs?' started up in her head, like a never-ending stream of loud melodies. What if Angel did like Cordelia better? What if he realized what a big mistake he'd made last night? What if he was offended that she came to him when he had said that he would find her?  
  
Buffy knocked her knuckles against the shiny wood door.  
  
Buffy jumped a little as the knock echoed through the hallway like a roll of thunder in the mountains. Looking around guiltily, Buffy nervously reached up to make sure her hair was firmly in place. Seeing that it was, she mentally checked her clothes to make sure they weren't wrinkly. They weren't. She tapped her foot impatiently against the floor waiting for an answer.  
  
She didn't get one.  
  
Nobody came to answer the door. No one came to see who it was. There was no shuffling around. No movement or voice. There was nothing.  
  
"Not good. Not good. Not good." Buffy whispered to herself as she rechecked the number on the door. It was still the same. 214. Angel's room. "Maybe he just went out for a stroll." Buffy rolled her eyes and hit herself on the forehead. "No, you idiot!" she hissed under her breath, "it's sunny out!"  
  
Buffy sighed and looked around again, hoping for some clue. Finding none, she stared at the door in disgust. "I guess that I have the wrong number…." Buffy nodded and decided that was the problem. All she had to do was find Willow again and make sure that she had heard correctly. Buffy turned her back to the door and took two trembling strides forward. Pausing she closed her eyes.  
  
'If I have the wrong number, why do I feel like he's staring at me right now? Watching me walk away… and not caring.'  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and spun around, facing the dreaded door once again. Walking decidedly up to it, she pounded her fist as loud as she could against it. "Angel! I know that you're in there!"  
  
She felt the door buckle a little under the weight of her hand, and Buffy pulled away with a wry smile on her lips. Seemed like the 'Titanic' wasn't good enough for a slayer. Licking her lips, Buffy glared at the door. "Come on! Why don't you want to talk to me?"  
  
Her ears picked up on some shuffling going on in the inside. 'Finally!' Buffy thought. She leaned her head against the door, and pressed her ear right up against the wood in order to hear better. The shuffling got a little closer, and Buffy felt her heart start pounding furiously again.  
  
She gave a yelp of surprise when the door was ripped open. Stumbling back, Buffy tripped and fell on her butt in the middle of the hallway. Stunned, she raised her eyes and took in the person in front of her. He stood ramrod straight, glaring down at her. Buffy's breath caught in her throat when her eyes fell on his chest.  
  
He wasn't wearing a shirt.  
  
Buffy took a deep shuddering breath and licked her extremely dry lips in order to get herself under control. Her gaze finally landed on his face, and she felt disheartened to note that his face was a mask, and his eyes locked on her in a disapproving glance.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he demanded.  
  
Buffy blushed, embarrassed. "I wanted to see you."  
  
Angel looked stunned for a minute as if he didn't know how to reply. Quickly, he replaced the expression with a scowl. "Go away."  
  
Buffy felt a sudden sharp pain in her chest. "Wh… what?"  
  
"Go. Away." Angel repeated, his eyes shooting daggers at her.  
  
Buffy's mind whirled as she tried to take in why he was asking her to do that. Confused, and hurt, she struggled to keep her eyes on his face. "Why are you saying that?" she managed to choke out.  
  
Angel hesitated again, but then the hard cold look in his eyes immediately took over. Without another word he turned his back and slammed the door.  
  
Buffy stared at the place where he had disappeared in shock. "Angel?" she whimpered, wondering how it was possible that she was sitting here on the floor in so much pain, while he was in there chuckling at the knowledge that he had just played a slayer.  
  
TBC 


	6. Six

Chapter 6  
  
Angel leaned his back heavily against the door, and tried to keep himself from running out there and begging her to come back. He knew that she was still out there staring at the door, wondering what had just happened. Angel clenched his fists into a hard tight ball, and prayed that she would leave so he wouldn't have to listen to the pounding of her heart and the sharp intakes of breath she kept taking.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like years, Angel sensed her get up and walk heavily away. Exhaling, he crumpled to the floor and wished that she would knock on the door and they could start all over from the beginning. Maybe then he would lay eyes on her smiling beautiful face, and it would all be a dream.  
  
In the darkness of his stateroom, Angel stumbled over to his bed and sat down with the intent of trying to sleep. Of course, just like it had been all day, sleep eluded him. All he could hear when he closed his eyes was her voice… and all his dreams shattering.  
  
I do hope that he will propose to you.   
  
Oh, yes. That would be all my dreams come true.   
  
I'm very happy about this, Buffy.   
  
I've noticed.   
  
Riley seems like such a nice man. I think that he could make you very happy.   
  
I'm sure he could.   
  
Angel rolled over and muffled a moan in his pillow. How could she? After all that they shared yesterday… after the things that he had told her… things that he didn't think he would have been able to tell anyone. He had thought that it was possible for someone to care about him.  
  
He had been wrong.  
  
She didn't care about him. She liked that other man. Angel gave a low growl thinking about him. Buffy's mother had said that his name was Riley.  
  
Closing his eyes, and drawing in a deep-unneeded breath, Angel tried to lose himself in the blessed act of sleep. He gave a groan of frustration, when the only picture that his closed eyes showed him was of her. She was staring at him… out there in that hall with wide and scared eyes. She looked lost and alone, wondering why he was saying those things to her.  
  
Angel clenched his teeth together. *She* lied to *him*.  
  
That act out in the hall was just that… an act. Angel ground his teeth together and tried to keep the anger that he could feel rising in him under control. His fingers dug into the skin of his palm, and the scent of blood only increased the rage he felt.  
  
With an agonized howl, Angel leapt up and smashed his hand straight through the wall that separated his room from the bathroom. Trembling, he removed his hand, smashed and bleeding. With shaky fingers he raised his hand to his face and wasn't surprised when he touched his vampire ridges.  
  
He had lost control of the demon again.  
  
Lurching from side to side, Angel found his way over to the mirror that hung onto the wall. He stared transfixed with the image. It showed his bed and the wall behind it. That was it. Concentrating on trying to calm himself, Angel morphed back to his human features.  
  
Still staring intently into the mirror that would never show his reflection, Angel muttered under his breath, "It's better this way. I'm a demon. She doesn't deserve me."  
  
With those words in mind, Angel finally turned away from the mirror. He stumbled back to his bed and lay down. Within minutes he was in a deep sleep.  
  
He dreamed about her.  
  
  
  
Buffy stared into her mirror.  
  
She didn't understand it. She *looked* perfectly fine. She wasn't bald, she didn't have a deformed face, and she wasn't too tall or too short. In fact, some might have even called her pretty. Buffy made a face. If she was so pretty, then why didn't the *one* man that she'd ever *liked* want her?  
  
Wringing her hands together, Buffy backed slowly away from the mirror. Was she a hideous person? Did Angel hate the way she talked and the way that she laughed? She had thought that he had been happy that she was in his life… but… now Buffy wasn't sure.  
  
The way he had treated her before… like she was nothing but an annoying mosquito that needed to be brushed off. Without realizing it, Buffy let out a half-cry, half moan. 'Why does this hurt so much?' she thought. 'Why does he do this to me?'  
  
Stumbling blindly, she collapsed against her bed and hugged her pillow to her chest and pretended that it was Angel squeezing her tight. This new thought caused Buffy to wince again as another sharp pain struck her beating heart. It wasn't fair. He had so much power over her….  
  
"But he doesn't want me," Buffy mumbled in a hoarse voice. "It doesn't matter how much I care about him… he doesn't want me."  
  
She squeezed her pillow tighter and felt hot thick tears jabbing at her eyelids, begging to be let out. "No," she declared in a strong voice. "I *won't* cry. I won't cry. I won't cry."  
  
Buffy bit her lip and hung on to those words. She *wouldn't* cry. She was strong. She was the slayer. And he couldn't do this to her.  
  
Buffy was concentrating so hard on getting a handle on herself, that when she heard someone knock on her door, it didn't immediately register. The third time that the knock rang out, however, Buffy heard it loud and clear.  
  
"Come in," she said, her words slightly muffled from burying her face in the pillow.  
  
A shy head pocked itself through the doorway. Willow blushed feeling a little embarrassed. "Hi..."  
  
Buffy barely looked up. "Hey."  
  
Willow frowned. "What's going on?"  
  
Buffy showed the smallest hint of a shrug.  
  
Willow bit her lip. "Since I found you here… and not at room 214, I'm guessing that things with Angel didn't go as planned."  
  
Buffy focused on her bed and gave another tiny shrug.  
  
Willow sighed and sat down beside her. "Hey," she placed a comforting hand on Buffy's arm, "what happened?"  
  
Buffy seethed. "I *hate* Cordelia," she murmured vehemently.  
  
Willow gave a short chuckle. "I'm sorry about that back there… but she's the one paying and all, so I had to." Willow gave a small smile. "But I didn't need to like it."  
  
"Thanks, Will," Buffy managed to force a little smile of her own.  
  
"So," Willow said, "why don't you tell me why you're in here moping and not with a certain handsome vampire?"  
  
Playing with the ends of her pillow absentmindedly, she regarded Willow seriously. "He didn't… he told me to leave."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Buffy bit her lip and held her pillow a little closer. "I got there… and he told me to go. Go away." Buffy took a deep breath, "He didn't want me…"  
  
"Oh, Buffy…" Willow said, her words clogged with emotion. "Are you sure?"  
  
Buffy nodded feeling the first wetness of tears in her eyes. "I'm sure."  
  
Willow sighed. "Men are stupid… Buffy I'm so sorry…"  
  
"Is it me? Is it something I did? I mean, you have to figure that a vampire with a soul isn't exactly going to have hundreds of women at his beck and call…"  
  
"I don't know, it seems like Angel could get anyone he…" Willow paused at the look on Buffy's face. "You're right, of course," she interjected quickly.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes and willed her tears away. "Maybe it is me…."  
  
"No! Buffy don't think that… you know it isn't true."  
  
Buffy's lip quivered. "No… I don't know if it isn't true."  
  
Without another word, Willow leaned forward and pulled Buffy into her arms. Buffy lay, trembling, trying to keep her tears at bay, while Willow rocked her gently. As the first sob tore its way out of her system, Buffy couldn't help but wish it were Angel holding her.  
  
  
  
Angel had learned very quickly as a vampire to be on guard at all times. Even during sleep. The knock had barely rang through the stateroom and Angel was up and ready to attack whomever dared to fight its way into *his* territory. Taking a calming breath, Angel relaxed once he remembered that he was on the 'Titanic'.  
  
He didn't stay calm for long, however, because Angel realized that there was no one he knew on the ship that would seek him out. Besides her, of course. Angel closed his eyes once she entered his thoughts. She was the sunshine in his lonely dark existence.  
  
And she loved someone else.  
  
Angel swallowed stiffly, and walked towards the door. He could feel his resolve weakening and he wondered what he would do if it were her on the other side of the door. Of course, considering the way that he had acted earlier, Angel entertained the thought that she was in the hallway brandishing a stake, intending to plunge through his unbeating heart.  
  
That image jarred Angel more than he would have liked. Buffy wasn't supposed to be someone that he was afraid of. For a while he had even thought that she might be his salvation… his light. But Angel knew better. A creature as pure and good as her didn't deserve him. If Riley was as great as her mother had said he was… Angel was glad that she had him.  
  
But he didn't have to be happy about it.  
  
As Angel neared the door, he realized that it wasn't Buffy standing on the other side. The person standing in the hall was calmer than Buffy had been this afternoon. Angel could hear the steady and confident beat of the person's heart. The smell of lavender and flowers wafted through his nostrils and Angel felt a sharp pang thinking about how Buffy smelled like vanilla and honey.  
  
He opened the door cautiously, always on high alert. Years of being forced to live alone had taught him to suspect everyone. The person waiting for Angel on the other side of the door immediately looked up and smiled at him. Angel frowned and desperately tried to remember who the woman was.  
  
"Hi," she said pleasantly. "How are you?" She flipped her hair back and touched Angel on the arm lightly. "Do you have plans for dinner tonight."  
  
Angel shifted. Uncomfortably. "What?"  
  
The girl smiled again and gave a high-pitched laugh. Touching his arm again she grinned. "You're so funny."  
  
Angel cringed and frantically searched his memory for a name. "Um… I'm sorry, but I don't remember your name."  
  
This made the women seem a little put out. The smile vanished a second as she contemplated his words. "I'm Cordelia," she finally replied, her smile reappearing, "Cordelia Chase. Remember? Yesterday… we had that talk…."  
  
Angel forced himself to give a short, painful, laugh. "Of course, how could I forget?"  
  
'What talk???' Angel thought frantically.  
  
Cordelia bit her lip. "I have no idea," she said saucily. Grabbing his arm, she pulled him out of his room and down the hall.  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"Do you like my outfit?" Cordelia asked, ignoring his question. "It's made by the finest dressmakers."  
  
Angel barely glanced at it. "Nice."  
  
"Isn't it? My dad had to order it specifically from this dressmaker in New York," Cordelia gushed. "Only the finest materials went into it…"  
  
Angel sighed. This was going to be a long night.  
  
  
  
Willow ran the brush through Buffy's hair slowly. Buffy sighed and leaned back, enjoying the feel of being pampered. "Thanks, Will," she muttered.  
  
Willow smiled. "No problem."  
  
Buffy sighed and winced at her reflection in the mirror. "My eyes… they're so red and puffy."  
  
Willow shook her head. "Buffy relax… they aren't that bad."  
  
"I can't believe I cried over him. He's going to know…. he's going to take one look at me and know. And I won't be able to stand it."  
  
"Shhhh," Willow finished the last touches on Buffy's hair, which she had piled neatly on top of her head. "You look beautiful, Buffy. It's his loss."  
  
Buffy bit her lip. "I wish." Willow stood her up and helped her get into her evening gown. At of habit Buffy strapped two stakes and a bottle of holy water under her dress. She smiled appreciatively when Willow pretended not to notice.  
  
"Are you going to be okay tonight?" Willow asked carefully.  
  
Buffy shrugged. "Fine. I'll go and eat with my mother. I'll smile at Riley and laugh at all the right moments. No one will know for a second that inside I'm breaking."  
  
Willow looked at her intently. "Something's missing here. I don't know what it is… but it's definitely missing."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Willow glanced at the chain that Buffy wore around her neck, she knew that underneath her dress a delicate cross was hidden. "Something isn't right about this. It shouldn't be this way. The things that Angel said to you… he couldn't have meant it."  
  
Buffy sniffed and looked away. "I wish that were true."  
  
Her face straightening into one of resolve, Willow shooed her out the door. "Go. Eat with your mother. Do your best to enjoy yourself… I'm going to find out what's really going on."  
  
Buffy clasped her friend's hands. "No… it's fine. I just need to… get past him. I can do that."  
  
The red-head squeezed the slayer's hands. "I don't think it's going to be that easy."  
  
Buffy opened the door to her room and stopped before disappearing to find her mother. She turned back to Willow with a ghost of a smile on her face. "I never said that it was going to be easy."  
  
Watching her go, Willow sat down on her extravagant bed and thought. She went over the details that Buffy had shared with her little by little. Something was pressing on the inside of her brain. If she could just figure out what it was, she knew she could save her blonde friend a lot of heartache.  
  
  
  
Buffy diligently allowed herself to be led down the hall. Her mother was chattering incessantly about the people that she had met today and the how friendly people were on the 'Titanic'. Buffy nodded and listened with half an ear. As they neared the first class dining hall she felt her heart begin to speed up.  
  
'What if he's there?' Buffy groaned inwardly. 'What if he's there and I can't handle it?'  
  
Buffy shook her head and tried to pay attention to her mother. "And Molly Brown. Delightful women. Although, the women never does quite know when to shut her mouth…."  
  
'Then again,' Buffy thought with a flash of panic, 'what if he *isn't* there? What if I never see him again?'  
  
"Did I tell you that I met the captain today, Buffy?" Joyce sighed happily.  
  
Buffy stared at her blankly. 'Why doesn't she see how much I'm hurting? Why doesn't she know what's happening to me?'  
  
"No, I don't think so," Buffy replied calmly.  
  
The elder Summer's woman smiled and launched into her story. "Anyway, I managed to arrange for us to have a tour of the ship tomorrow. Wouldn't it be great if we got Riley to come along with us?"  
  
"Sure," Buffy said easily even as she felt her throat clog over, "that would be wonderful."  
  
When the pair descended the Grand Staircase, Joyce looked around for someone she knew. Finally, her eyes settled on Riley waving frantically from one side of the room. Grabbing her daughter's arm she led her over to the table, while Buffy looked around for someone else entirely.  
  
Upon reaching the table, Joyce made sure to introduce Buffy to the other occupants. "You know Riley already, and this is Mrs. Molly Brown and this is Mr. and Mrs. John Jacob Astor… and this is…"  
  
Buffy blocked the rest of her mother's words out as she continued looking around the lavish room. Suddenly, she felt her body tense and freeze, and turning slowly, she found Angel's eyes transfixed on her. Buffy barely suppressed a gasp when their eyes made contact. It seemed like hours that the pair stared at each other when in reality it was really only seconds. With an indignant flash in her eyes, Buffy looked away and concentrated on the people sitting at her table.  
  
Riley stood up and politely slid out her seat. Buffy, feeling Angel's eyes on her back, flashed him a smile and sat down. With a smirk she realized that Riley was going to sit next to her. 'Let him watch now,' she thought to herself, as she visibly slid her chair closer to Riley's.  
  
Buffy leaned forward and offered Riley her undivided attention. "So," she said pleasantly, "where are you from?"  
  
Riley seemed a little surprised at her change in attitude, while Joyce beamed at Buffy. "I'm from… Iowa," Riley answered.  
  
Buffy feigned interest. "Sounds like fun."  
  
"Oh, it is!" Riley exclaimed. "I've always wanted to be a farmer… Iowa being farm country and all, but my parents want me to be a banker."  
  
Buffy concealed a yawn. "Hmmm."  
  
Riley stared off into space. "I figure that if I make enough money as a banker I can get a few cows and pigs…."  
  
"Swell," Buffy muttered. Seeing that Riley was really getting into his fantasy, Buffy risked a glance behind her. There he was. She knew that he was aware that she was watching him. Moving forward he leaned closer to Cordelia, just as Buffy knew she had with Riley.  
  
Buffy fumed. How dare he!!! Well, she hoped that they were happy together. They definitely deserved each other.  
  
Bitterly, Buffy shifted her attentions to the young man next to her. "So!" she exclaimed perkily, "do you have any hobbies?"  
  
"Cows," Riley answered right off the bat.  
  
Buffy faked a smile. "Anything else?" she hissed out between clenched teeth.  
  
Riley shifted uncomfortably. "It's a little embarrassing…"  
  
"Come one, what is it?"  
  
Riley blushed, "Well… I… I like to collect stamps."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened and she clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. "Wow. Stamps… that's certainly… neat."  
  
"Oh, it is!" Riley declared excitedly.  
  
Buffy suppressed a yawn and turned back around to check on Angel. She found him glaring daggers at Riley. She felt a thrill of excitement… but his reaction only confused her further. Wasn't he one that sent her away earlier? Wasn't he the one that was here with Cordelia? Why was he acting like this was her *fault*?  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Buffy snapped her head around. "What???" she snapped.  
  
"Um… you seemed to blank out there for a minute… we don't have to talk about my stamp collection if you don't want…." Riley paused, "We could talk about you! What about you? Any hobbies?"  
  
Buffy sighed. 'Yes. It involves a pointy piece of wood. And people with fangs that occasionally drain people of their blood. Oh, and lately(,) I've actually fallen in love with a vampire! Imagine that!'  
  
"Nope. No hobbies, just boring Buffy over here." Riley looked as if he was going to say more, but before he could a loud female laugh rung out from across the room. Buffy's head turned around sharply, recognizing the voice as Cordy's. Despite her best intentions, Buffy found her eyes drawn to Angel's.  
  
Angel held the gaze and Buffy didn't turn her head. His eyes roamed her body and Buffy had to fight not to blush under his intrusive look. Finally, he turned his head just slightly until his eyes rested on Riley. Buffy was shocked to see the resemblance of hurt on his face. His eyes summed Riley up until they dropped as if admitting defeat.  
  
Buffy turned her head to stare at Riley. He gave her a baffled look and nodded his head in Angel's direction, "Is that man bothering you?"  
  
All too eagerly Buffy looked back at Angel's table. Her heart sank when she found his head bowed in deep conversation with Cordelia. Again she wondered about herself. Why didn't he want her? Why wasn't he the one next to her right now? Why Cordelia?  
  
Peering at Riley through heavy lids, Buffy felt her heart shatter. "No… he isn't doing anything," she said quietly.  
  
"Are you sure? Buffy, I don't like the way that he was looking at you. No *one* should be able to disrespect you." Riley smiled at her as if he'd just paid her the biggest compliment.  
  
"Like you'd ever stand a chance against him anyway," Buffy half-muttered under her breath.  
  
Riley looked really offended. "I'll have you know," he retorted in a high prissy voice, "that my parents paid for very expensive self-defense classes."  
  
Buffy jumped up and towered over him. "Of course they did! And I'm sure that mommy and daddy will buy you the cows, too. And you know what, Riley? Stamps *aren't* neat. They're stupid. Just like being a banker and wanting to be a farmer is stupid."  
  
Everyone at the table stared at her in shock. "Buffy!" Joyce hissed out, her eyes flashing.  
  
Buffy gulped. Feeling guilty she sat down and wrung her hands together until they stopped trembling. Riley turned his attention to his food and pretended not to notice her. "Riley…." Buffy tried, gently. Despite her harsh words, she felt bad for hurting him. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know that she was the slayer.  
  
Riley didn't look at her. "It's okay," he mumbled, "I get it." Riley waved his hand behind him. "I hope the two of you will be very happy."  
  
Buffy sighed and closed her eyes painfully. "I'm sorry…."  
  
Riley finally turned. "Look," he sighed, his eyes pained, "don't. Whatever you say will only make it worse."  
  
Buffy stared at him for a beat longer before turning away in understanding. Inwardly cursing herself, she turned back to her meal and did her best to avoid her mother's questioning stare for the rest of dinner.  
  
She could feel Angel's eyes on her back the whole time.  
  
  
  
1 Saturday April 13, 1912  
  
Buffy awoke with a start. She was glad to note that it was of her own accord rather than her mother pounding on her door. Sighing, she leaned back into her pillows and closed her eyes. She could hear the boat humming gently beneath her and she pretended for a moment that everything was okay and that she was off in a happy land.  
  
Groaning, she forced her eyes open again and wearily climbed out of bed. Unfortunately, the pretending only lasted so long, and then the deep reality of her current situation came flooding back to her.  
  
Angel.  
  
Riley.  
  
Cordelia.  
  
Thinking about the grim realities of her life, Buffy had to fight the urge to return to bed. The only good thing about the morning was that she hadn't yet been lectured by her mother. Which, now that she thought about it, was not necessarily a plus because that pleasurable experience was still to be had.  
  
As silently as possible, Buffy crept out of bed and got dressed. Stealthily, she moved to her door and with without squeaking it, Buffy got it open. Once in the hall, she walked slowly, being as quiet as possible. Down the Grand Staircase she went, all the while taking great pains to mask her movement. Upon reaching the dining hall, she exhaled a breath she hadn't been holding. 'I made it! No mother to contend with this morning.'  
  
That was when Buffy ran smack into a very angry looking Joyce Summers.  
  
Buffy gulped.  
  
Joyce examined her closely with heavy lidded eyes. "Good morning," she said cheerfully, brushing past her.  
  
Buffy's jaw dropped. "Where are you going?"  
  
Joyce didn't turn around. "Out on the deck. I heard that the day is crisp and clear."  
  
"But…" Buffy paused and frowned, "but… aren't you going to lecture me first?"  
  
Her mother gave her a puzzled look. "Now, why would I do something like that?"  
  
"You know what?" Buffy plastered on a fake smile. "You're absolutely right. You should not yell at me. Go out on the deck. Have a nice morning. I'm just going to go—"  
  
"Unless, of course, you happen to be referring to the behavior you showed last night," the elder Summer's woman cut in sharply.  
  
"I was hoping you weren't going to mention that…"  
  
"Buffy, quite frankly I thought that you might have been possessed by demons or something."  
  
Buffy cringed, "You know, it's entirely possible."  
  
"What am I going to do with you? Riley was such a nice boy, Buffy."  
  
The slayer flared with anger. "Well then maybe *you* should marry him!"  
  
Mrs. Summers did not look impressed. "I expect," she said sourly, "a letter of apology to be sent to Riley by the end of the day, and we can only hope that he will be kind enough to forgive you."  
  
"Mom! I *don't* *want* *to* *marry* RILEY!"  
  
Joyce barely even blinked. "Fine. Don't. At this point I'm passed caring… but I want a full letter of apology to him anyway. Is that clear?"  
  
"Loud and clear," Buffy mumbled.  
  
Her mother gave a crisp nod. "Good."  
  
Buffy sighed as she watched her mother retreat from the dining hall. Lethargically(,) the slayer slumped down into the nearest available seat. She wasn't even that hungry. A waitress approached her table and Buffy barely managed to glance up.  
  
"Hi, dear," she said conversationally, "what can I get you today?"  
  
'How about a lying cheating vampire, an overenthusiastic marriage-happy mother, and a dull farmer?'  
  
"Eggs," Buffy answered in a practiced monotone, "scrambled."  
  
  
  
Willow glanced timidly around like she was embarking on a terrible and dangerous mission and no one was to know about it. She was still trying to get over the fact that she had actually decided to try and complete her crazy promise. Right. Like this would actually help things any.  
  
With a sigh, Willow raised her hand and knocked on the stateroom door.  
  
She heard some shuffling from the inside, and a muffled groan that made it very clear that she was definitely not welcome. Willow ground her teeth together. She was on a mission, and she planned on accomplishing it. Clenching her fists tightly together, she knocked again, more determinedly.  
  
Finally, there was a shuffle and the door opened. Angel glared at her through squinted eyes. "Who are you?" he demanded after a pause.  
  
Willow blushed. "Don't bite me," she exclaimed quickly.  
  
Angel looked bewildered. "What?"  
  
Willow held up her hands. "Okay, I know that you're good and all now… but you don't seem exactly happy to see me. And that's really no reason to bite me. I'm a nice person, really. Once you get to know me."  
  
Angel looked even more confused. "Who are you?"  
  
"No bites!" Willow cried sharply.  
  
"I'm not going to bite you," Angel snapped, "I just want to know who you are."  
  
Willow looked at the ground and wondered what to tell him. "I'm friends with Buffy," she admitted at last, "my name's Willow."  
  
Angel scowled. "Why would a friend of Buffy's want to see me?"  
  
Willow felt herself nearly explode with anger. "HEY!" she yelled, drawing herself up to her full height. "Maybe I want to see you because I think that it was RUDE and CRUEL what you did to her!!! She came HERE TO SEE YOU and YOU SENT HER AWAY!!! And then you showed up to DINNER with CORDELIA CHASE! CORDELIA!!! Do you have any idea how much Cordelia and Buffy hate each other??? Do you have ANY IDEA how much Buffy HURTS right now?"  
  
Angel looked taken aback.  
  
Willow wasn't done yet. "YOU SICK EVIL PERSON! Do you even CARE what YOU DID TO HER??? She CARED about YOU and you treated her as if she was NOTHING! You know what? You don't DESERVE her!" Willow finally stopped yelling, and she finished her tirade breathing hard and glaring at Angel.  
  
"You're right," Angle said simply after a minute. "I'm sick. And evil. And I don't deserve her. I'm glad that she found Riley. He…" Angel paused and closed his eyes, fighting for control over his emotions, "he's much better for her than I am."  
  
Willow opened her mouth to yell at him, but then his words sunk in. Slowly, her eyes ticked to his face and she took in his look of pure misery and pain. All the anger she had felt before drained away as if it hadn't ever been there. Licking her lips, she took a step back and gazed at the vampire with a soul in pity.  
  
"Okay… what did I miss?"  
  
TBC 


	7. Seven

A/N: sorry for the wait for this chapter! I meant to have it out, like, 5 days ago. But my beta was busy, and then I got busy… and SORRY!

Special thanks: Jennem! Luv ya, hon! Thanks so much for fitting this story into your busy time. And to anyone that has given me a delicious review! Thank you so MUCH! 

"This is really a lot to take in. She said what? Riley made her happy?"

"Yes!" Angel cried. "How many times do I have to tell you?"

Willow shook her head and rubbed her temples wearily. "You're not getting cranky, right?"

Angel squelched the urge to growl. "I'm *not* going to bite you," he hissed.

"Okay," Willow said, but she didn't sound convinced. "But I don't think that Buffy really *meant* that she wanted to be with Riley. What exactly did she say?"

Angel paused to think, not because he didn't remember what she had said, but because he was debating the amount that he wanted to share with the slayer's friend. "Her mother said she thought Riley was going to ask her to marry him, and Buffy said that would be all of her dreams come true," Angel answered.

Willow bit her lip nervously and thought how to reply to that. She was sitting on the floor of Angel's stateroom with her back leaning against his bed. Angel had been pacing back and forth in front of her while he explained the conversation he had overheard Buffy and her mother have.

"You know… this may not be the best time to bring this up but… you do know it's rude to eavesdrop, right?"

Angel glared at her.

Willow wrung her hands nervously. "Never mind… forget I said it."

"I wasn't really eavesdropping," he protested, "it was more like they were talking, and with vampire hearing, it made it hard *not* to hear what they were saying."

Willow glanced around the room. Truth be told, it was starting to give her the wiggins with the closed dark interior… she shivered. "So… this means what with the super-hearing and all, you can hear people say… and do things… most can't?"

"Pretty much." Angel started pacing again. "If Buffy lo—cares about Riley then I'm happy for her." He looked unconvinced. "Really."

Willow let out a long breath to convey her frustration. "Buffy isn't happy with Riley! You big stupid… vampire!"

Angel looked a little surprised, but his eyes glinted with amusement. "Willow, I know what I heard."

Willow stood up and drew herself up to her full height—which wasn't a lot—and glared at him. "If she's so "happy" with Riley, then why did she cry in my arms over you? Why did she tell Xander about how dull Riley was?"

"I don't know!" Angel cried, demonstrating the first real hint of emotion since Willow had found him. "I don't even know if it's right for me to feel for her! I'm a demon, a monster; she kills things like me. She doesn't deserve to have me stand in her way if she's found someone else."

"I don't think you're telling the truth. Riley isn't the problem." Willow pierced him with a heavy stare. "*You* don't know what you want."

Angel seemed to close up on himself. To Willow's disappointment, he made his face an impassive mask, devoid of any emotion.

"It's true." Willow lifted her chin in defiance, ignoring his surprised look. "You're scared that if you let her get close, she'll see you for what you really are. A monster. Someone holding her back."

"Leave," Angel said in a deathly tone. Willow froze up and fought off waves of fear, which she tried to hide. 

Obeying him, Willow let herself out, but before opening the door she turned back one last time. "I think you're wrong. Buffy has already seen what you really are. A good man, capable of loving."

Buffy sat and thought. She really hated thinking. She was aware that her eggs were getting cold, and she still hadn't taken a bite. But that was okay… she wasn't really that hungry anyway. Plus, the eggs were full of red and green things. Buffy thought that they might be herbs, but they looked a little off. Her mother would probably love it, but Buffy liked to know exactly what was in her food before eating it.

Humming idly to herself, she shrugged and picked up her fork, experimentally shoved a bite of the funny looking omelet in her mouth.

"Huh," she muttered in wonder under her breath, "it's not half bad."

Swallowing swiftly, she tried not to moan when the food hit her stomach. She was hungrier than she had thought. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. Pushing all thoughts of soulful vampires aside, Buffy concentrated on eating her breakfast.

Five minutes later the food was done and her annoying thoughts were back.

'God, I don't want to think about him,' she thought, 'I don't want to think about how much it hurts. I just want to forget and pretend that I never met him. I want to go back to the Buffy I was before he walked into my life.'

Sighing painfully, Buffy glanced down at her hands. 'That's never going to happen. And you know it, Buffy.' For lack of nothing better to do, Buffy played idly with her fork, all the while doing her best to push thoughts of Angel out of her brain. 'What if he's evil and he just played the whole "soul" thing to make you care for him, keeping him in the clear?' 

Buffy snorted. "If he is evil, and he was just pretending to be so good… then he certainly did a good job of it." Getting up, Buffy headed off to her room. She had an apology note to write. And a tour of the ship to attend with her Mom and the "wonderful" Captain Smith.

Besides, nothing on this earth could have convinced her that Angel was evil and planning on killing anyone.

Angel stared at the door that Willow had just left through. 'Would it really be wrong for me to chase after her… and you know, slit her throat before she has a chance to talk to Buffy? Would it really hurt to kill someone, just this once?'

Yes, he decided. It would be terribly wrong to kill someone. Angel felt the demon and the bloodlust roaring constantly, practically begging him to take the thrill of the hunt and revel in a little fresh blood. 

But his soul was stronger. His soul was stronger than the bloodlust.

"What am I going to do?" Angel moaned. "I need her. I miss her. But Willow was wrong. Once she sees the real me, she will balk at what she had done. She *can't* feel for a monster like me."

Willow also didn't think that Buffy felt anything for Riley, but annoyance. 

'She was wrong there, too,' Angel thought, 'I *heard* Buffy. She likes Riley. She said so.'

Despite Angel's best intentions to convince himself that Riley was perfect for the slayer, Angel still felt a deep disgust thinking about the boy. And, he had to admit, hearing Willow describe Riley as a nuisance, made him happier than he would have liked.

Angel froze when he heard a noise coming from out in the hallway. Senses on high alert he crept towards his door. He smelled fear and nervousness coming from a person that stood outside his door. Angel could hear the pounding of the person's heart, and he closed his eyes and willed for strength. The smell of the blood was driving his senses into over-drive. It didn't help that Angel hadn't had a real feed since he boarded the ship.

The knock came hard and quick. Angel paused before opening the door. He didn't think that he'd ever had so many visitors before. First Buffy, then Cordelia, Willow, and finally the nervous-wreck that stood waiting for his answer.

When Angel opened the door he couldn't quite hold on to the growl that pushed its way out of his chest. "What are you doing here?" he hissed.

Riley took out a cross and held it up level with his face. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

Angel jumped back in pain and more than a little surprised. "Go away, boy."

Riley held out his arm firmly with the cross in it. Angel couldn't help but notice that his fingers twitched nervously around the wood, the only thing betraying the nervousness that the boy felt. That, and the way his heart kept pounding.

"I'm not afraid of you," Riley menaced, as he stepped into the room.

Angel sneered at him but backed up a few paces. "Get out *now*."

"Oh, I don't think so." Cocky, Riley advanced until he had Angel backed up into the wall. "Now, I really don't want to be the one to be responsible for the disappearance of a perfectly respectable… dead… first class passenger, but…"

"Don't make me hurt you, Finn."

Riley chuckled. "I'm sorry… but aren't I the one holding a cross up to your face?"

"What do you want?" Angel snapped with a scowl.

"I have it on good authority that you haven't attacked any civilians during your stay on this ship."

"No, I haven't attacked any 'civilians'." 

'But keep talking like this, Finn, and I might be forced to change my mind.' Angel resigned himself to see what he wanted first before doing anything. He was pretty sure that he could take him. Riley did have a cross, but Angel was stronger and more experienced than him. And it was fairly clear that Riley didn't know the first things about vampires.

"If you answer my questions correctly, and the way you think I want you to, then you may get out of this alive." Angel barely concealed his grin. That was about the worst threat he had ever heard. "I want," Riley continued, bringing the cross closer to Angel's face, "to make you pay for everything that you have done as a blood-sucking fiend. But I believe that we have a common interest."

"And what's that?" Angel asked smoothly.

"Buffy Summers."

Angel could literally feel his blood run cold at the mention of her name. Keeping his voice neutral he asked, "Whose Buffy?"

Riley snorted. "You know who I'm talking about."

"What do you want with her?" Angel couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. 'If he hurts her…'

"Ah, so we do remember the lovely Ms. Summers."

"Some of us soon won't," Angel sneered.

"That's right," Riley agreed mildly, "especially if we keep up this 'billowing coat of pain' attitude."

"I could rip you to shreds, boy."

Bringing the cross to Angel's eye level, Riley shook his head. "No. I don't think you could."

Angel felt his muscles flex with the need to crush the individual daring to have such disrespect for his elders. But he kept himself in check. He didn't want to be in a mad fury when it came time to show Riley what he was really up against. It wouldn't do if Angel accidentally let him go. 

"So, anyway, I finally get to know the lovely girl yesterday. Her mother even accepted me. Have you met the elder Summers woman? Quite a charmer, I must say. Thanks to her, I finally get to talking with Buffy. She even showed the first hints of paying attention to what I said."

"Well, if you didn't go on so much, maybe she would." Angel muttered.

Riley glared at the vampire but continued. "She's paying attention… leaning closer as if she's straining to hear what I'm saying. It was all going very well… until I notice that her attentions, were in fact, completely else where." 

"And where would that be?" Angel said questioningly even though he knew the answer.

Riley got right up into Angel's face. "Stay. Away. From. Her."

Angel sneered and grabbed the arm holding out the cross. Ignoring the pain of having his flesh burned, Angel twisted his arm behind his back and shoved him up against the wall. Riley's fingers jerked and let the cross tumble to the floor. Aware that he was suffering from a number of wounds, Angel grit his teeth and held on to a struggling Riley.

Finally, Riley's movements ceased and he lay panting against the wall, at the mercy of his captor. "Kill me now!" he begged, "I won't tell you anything!" 

Angel rolled his eyes and tightened his grip. "If you're lucky," Angel leaned forward so he could whisper in his ear, "I might kill you quickly."

Riley shuddered. "I don't know anything!" he cried, "those are Walsh's weapons! Classified!"

Angel shook Riley a little in order to shut him up. "The girl, idiot." 

"You mean Buffy."

Angel sighed. "Got it in one."

Riley blushed. "I won't tell you anything."

"You were willing to tell me about… who's Walsh?"

"My superior."

"Your what? Never mind… don't want to know."

"My superior," Riley repeated, annoyance creeping into his voice. "You  know, the Initiative?" 

"The who?" Angel snapped. 

Riley sighed painfully. "As a vampire you should be aware that there are people that kill you. I'm one of them. I've bagged 17 hostiles all by myself. And Walsh's new weapon hasn't even been approved yet."

"Great," Angel mumbled. "I really do have something to worry about if they're all like you."

"You should. I was planning on killing you, you know. No matter what you said."

"Scary," Angel said sarcastically. 

Riley shrugged, painfully. The movement was kind of hard since Angel had his arms locked behind him in a vice-grip. "I'm not telling you anything else. I'm just going to die anyway."

"I don't know," Angel mused, "I might keep you alive for a while. For my own amusement."

"I'm not saying anything about Buffy."

Angel resisted the urge to snap the insolent boy's neck. "Let me guess. You were terribly fond of her. Knew that she wasn't interested, but her mother made it very clear that there wasn't anyone else. You figure that if you hung around enough, pay enough attention to her, she might start to come around. Finally you get your chance. At dinner. She's sitting next to you… leaning closer, maybe touching your arm a little. You start to get excited. Then you realize that she couldn't care less about you. It's all a show that she's putting on for a man sitting at a table on the other side of the dining hall. At first you're hurt, don't know where you went wrong. But then you realize that the man looks familiar. Finally, you recognize him as a vampire that you and the rest of your intentive have identified on this ship. Me. So you come here, plan on warning me to stay away from the girl. Ruff it up a little. Make yourself seem nice and manly. Afterwards, you'll kill me and then comfort the poor little Summers girl on her loss. Isn't that right Riley?"

"It's the Initiative," Riley bit out angrily. 

Angel shoved his face into the wall. "Am I right, Riley?" he growled.

Riley gulped. Angel could feel his fear increased, and it disgusted him to know that he was thriving off the fear that Riley was sending out in waves. "It's right," he finally squeaked.

With a shove Angel threw Riley down on the floor. "Get out." When Riley's eyes shifted to the cross that lay abandoned, Angel moved in between him and it. Without preamble, Angel lifted his booted foot and stepped on the wooden cross, enjoying the crack that he heard. "GET OUT!" he roared. 

Riley scrambled towards the door.

"And don't ever try to get between me and Buffy again… or I'll kill you."

Riley barely heard as he ran down the hall and away from the vampire as fast as he possibly could. His heart pounded in his ears because of the deep betrayal he had committed. Running harder, Riley only had one objective in mind.

He had to find Buffy. And warn her. Before it was too late. 

Buffy, the current lady in question, sat, fidgeting, at her desk, trying to figure out how to write an apology to someone that she didn't particularly like, and someone that she didn't feel particularly sorry to. After thinking a while, Buffy put down the first thing that came to mind.

_Dear Riley,_

Buffy paused. This was good so far. 'Dear, it's personal, but not too personal.' Smiling to herself, she continued scribbling on the sheet of paper spread out before her.

_I'm sorry._

_Yours truly,_

_Buffy Anne Summers_

Nodding her head Buffy folded up the letter, and shoved it into an envelope. Getting up, she figured she'd drop it off at the room number that her mother had blatantly slipped under her door. Then she would proceed to suffer through an hour of Mad Mommy, and Boring Captain. 

When Buffy reached Riley's stateroom, she knocked and was delighted when she didn't get an answer. "Hmmm, maybe I do have some luck today after all."

Riley nearly ran straight through Buffy's door in an effort to get to her. Fortunately, he managed to stop his running rampage before knocking it down. Taking a deep calming breath, Riley managed to relax slightly. He knocked lightly and politely against the door. 

There was no answer

Riley used both fists and pounded against the door yelling her name at the top of his lungs. Finally, someone else in the hall opened the door, gave Riley the evil eye before saying, "I don't think she's there." The man slammed the door and Riley stopped his frantic pounding.

Without giving another minute to consider his options, Riley tore down the hall. 

Buffy was barely late for the big tour. Although, she was just in time to earn a glare from her mother. "Did you give Riley your note of apology?" Joyce hissed without even saying hi.

Buffy smiled pleasantly. "Why of course, Mother!"

"You haven't seen him have you?"

Buffy blushed. "Actually, no," her mother sent her a glare. "But I left a note under his door," she said quickly.

Joyce humphed and turned towards the captain, "This," she declared proudly, "is my daughter, Ms. Buffy Anne Summers. Buffy, this is Captain Smith."

"Ms. Summers," the Captain greeted pleasantly, "it's an honor to meet you."

"This is your last voyage ever, right?" Buffy blurted.

"Buffy!" Joyce snapped.

The captain's eyes twinkled. "Yes it is, actually. I hope to break all the speed records. Hopefully, if things go as well as they have been, we'll reach New York by Tuesday."

"Wow," Buffy muttered. "Isn't that a little dangerous?"

The Captain shook his head and patted Buffy on the shoulder lightly as if he was comforting a small child. "Don't be ridiculous, dear, this ship is unsinkable."

Buffy narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. She could feel her slayer sense start to tingle and she had no idea why. Brushing it off, she tried her best to appear interested. "Of course. Silly me."

Joyce saddled up to the Captain and batted her eyes at him. "How, is it, exactly, that this ship is unsinkable?"

Captain Smith gave a little chuckle and Buffy rolled her eyes. "Please, Giles would be more than happy to share," she mumbled.

"Probably would be best to pose that question to Sir.  Andrews, the man that designed the ship," the Captain said, while offering his arm, which Joyce gladly accepted. Buffy sighed and resigned herself to trailing behind. "There are five air tight compartments that can be closed if a leak should spring up. The ship can stay afloat with only two of those five working…."

Buffy groaned and practiced her interested smile. Her eyes were blurry as the Captain showed them around the ship. The Perisian Café, the boat deck, and the telegraph, where Buffy actually managed to sum up some interest. Two men were busy listening to a pair of headphones and tapping away frantically. 

"Another one," one of the men said grimly to the Captain.

The Captain picked up the message and read it over. Without blinking he dropped it into the garbage. "Ignore it," he commanded.

"But Captain," the man protested, "that's the third warning we've gotten of burgs! Don't you think we should slow down?"

"I've been sailing for long enough to know when to trust my instincts. In fact, I'm going to keep increasing speed."

The man seemed to mull over. Finally, he shrugged as if it wasn't worth arguing over and went back to work.

Buffy's mind reeled at the news. Something told her that things weren't as right as they should be. A good Captain wouldn't just ignore a warning of ice, especially if it was the third one. 'But the ship is unsinkable,' her mind protested, 'it doesn't matter if there is ice ahead.'

While her mind agreed with that statement, she still couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom. Buffy decided that it might be a good time to have a little chat with Giles.

Before she could make some excuse and slip away, however, a loud screeching of her name rang out. Buffy blushed crimson in embarrassment. She was fairly certain that the yell could be heard all the way to New York.

Her heart sunk a little when she realized who was running towards her like the world was ending. Her mother smiled happily and gave Buffy a little nudge. "Mom," she whined, "I want to see the rest of the ship."

"No you don't," Joyce Summers answered primly. "You're on a ship as grand as this one, and yet you still manage to look unimpressed."

'Well, when you've seen as much blood and destruction as I have, it's a little hard to be impressed by a little—okay big—but dumb ship.'

"Go have fun with Riley," the slayer's mother urged.

Buffy sighed, and because she hated to disappoint her mother, walked towards Riley who was waving frantically at her. 'I never knew one little crappy note could have such an effect on someone,' she thought tiredly. 

"Buffy!" Riley exclaimed, "I'm so glad that I found you!'

"Get my note?"

Riley gave her a baffled look. "You're in grave danger," he blurted out.

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "What?"

Riley grabbed her arm and led her outside to the Promenade. "Buffy, I'm going to tell you something," he whispered, "and it's going to be a bit of a shock. But I just want you to know that I *will* protect you, nothing will hurt you." 

Buffy was wondering whether to slap him for leading her farther and farther away from people while he kept a strong grip on her arm, or to laugh because he sounded so serious and he didn't realize how ironic his words were.

Once Riley was satisfied that they were out of earshot of any passengers, he released Buffy's arm. Stepping in front of her, he looked at her with a worried expression. "Buffy, what I'm about to tell you is true, but I don't want to worry you. I'm only telling you for your own good."

Feeling her curiosity peak Buffy finally looked at him in interest. "And what is that?"

Taking a deep breath, Riley decided to get it over with. "Buffy, vampires are real."

Buffy burst out laughing. 

Riley frowned, feeling hurt. "I'm serious Buffy! And they're after you!"

Buffy laughed a little harder. 

He grabbed her shoulders and shook her until her laughter was reduced to quiet giggles. "Listen to me! This isn't a joke!"

"I know," Buffy gasped out, "I know. But… oh Riley… you don't know what you're saying."

"I know it sounds farfetched…"

Buffy snorted. "It doesn't sound farfetched at all. Actually, it's entirely plausible that a vampire is after me. It happens all the time."

Riley's mind tried to grasp the meaning of her words. "What?" 

"I'm a Vampire Slayer," Buffy clarified.

"A what?"

"Vampire Slayer. It's my job to kill the ones that walk in the darkness. One girl in every generation blah, blah, blah…."

Riley was beginning to wonder if it was Buffy who maybe needed to go to an insane asylum. "You know vampires are real?" he asked uncertainly. 

Buffy nodded. "Oh, yes. Known for a long time. What about you?"

"I'm part of the Initiative."

"The intentive?" 

"No," Riley hissed, "the Initiative. Highly classified."

"Sure," Buffy replied easily. "Now, tell me about this vampire that's after me."

Riley paused. Wondering if it was wise to continue after all. "Remember that guy that was staring at you at dinner last night? The one that you kept trying to make jealous?"

Buffy felt her stomach to a flip flop. "I have a vague memory."

"Name is Angel. My team isn't clear on why he came aboard the ship in the first place. He hasn't hurt anyone since entering the premises. Only two other hostiles were registered as passenger, both mysteriously disappeared."

"Oh, I remember them! The stupid fat one knocked my stake overboard!" 

"You fought them?" Riley muttered in disbelief. 

"Well, yeah. It's my job."

Riley shook his head in order to clear his tangled thoughts. "Buffy, are you sure that you know what you're talking about? This isn't a game, this is real. Vampires are real."

"And Angel's a vampire."

Riley nodded his head. "Exactly." 

"Riley… look, I don't want to seem…mean. I'm serious about being a Vampire Slayer. But you have it all wrong about Angel. He has a soul. He's good." Buffy spoke slowly like she was talking to a little child. 

"No! You don't understand." Riley held out his arms where bruises were covering his flesh. "He did this to me. He said that he would torture me unless I told him what he wanted." When Buffy looked at him in disbelief, Riley continued, "He warned me to stay away from you." He looked at her in sudden fear, "He said that if I ever got between him and you again he'd kill me." 

Buffy walked with her head high and her back straight. Her body language was ridged, from all outwards appearances it looked like she had a specific place to be. She held a cross firmly in her hand, which was steady by her side. There was no way that she was letting him get away this time.

Marching up to his door, she banged on it once, and without waiting for an answer, kicked it in. A loud crack echoed through the hallway and she could only hope that no one paid attention to it.

 Upon entering she could immediately tell that she had awakened him. He sat ramrod straight on his bed, looking slightly disoriented. She blushed a little when she noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt, then cursed inwardly when she was aroused by it. 

Holding her stake firmly in hand, she advanced on him. "What gives you the right?" she hissed.

Angel looked surprised, and his eyes showed traces of more than a little fear. "Buffy… are you all right?"

She gave a bitter laugh. "I'm fine. Never been better. But, thanks to you, Riley might never be able to hold a pen the same way again."

Angel winced. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" she snapped.

Angel noticed the stake in her hand. "You came here to kill me."

The slayer paused, momentarily confused. She'd almost forgotten her original purpose for coming here. "Why, Angel? Why pretend to care for me? And then why did you go and do that to Riley?"

Angel struggled with himself. Part of him wanted to run and cower from the mighty slayer before him, part of him wanted to take her down, and yet, another part of him wanted to hold her in his arms and make her feel better. "I'm sorry," he took a deep-shuddering breath, "about Riley. If you care about him…I'll stay away."

"Damn right you'll stay away from him! What? I'm not allowed to have "feelings" for anyone else?" Buffy yelled.

"I'm sorry," Angel repeated.

Buffy advanced again. "I DON'T CARE! YOU'RE NOT A PART OF MY LIFE!!!!"

Angel reeled back from her as if he'd been staked. It certainly felt like it. She was piercing his skin with her stake… driving it down through his heart. "If that's what you want," Angel whispered, "I'll never bother you again." 

Buffy exploded. "How WOULD you *KNOW* what I wanted? DO you EVEN CARE about me??? You said you did, and then you turned away once you saw Cordelia! CORDELIA! I don't even LIKE Riley, but you wouldn't know that! Because you're TOO STUPID!" 

"Buffy, look…"

"NO… I *won't* "look" so don't even bother trying to sedate me with your petty words—"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Angel shouted, standing up. He was angry at her now. Angry at himself. Angry at Riley. And angry that it was all a misunderstanding. "How could you think that I don't care about you? When I heard you and your mom talking about Riley out in the hall yesterday… it shattered me. I didn't feel worthy of you, or the things you offered."

"So you thought that beating up Riley was what? A fun alternative?"

"He came to me first. He tried to kill me… I got the upper hand. And I let him go." Angel fixed her with a heavy stare, "I said I wouldn't get in your way, and I won't. But please… just leave."

Buffy stared at him in shocked silence. "Angel… I had no idea."

"Apparently not," he said shortly, looking away from her.

She took a trembling step forward and lay her stake down on the ground. "What… what conversation did you hear me and Mom have?"

"Buffy," Angel begged his voice hoarse, "please just leave. Don't make this harder for me."

Buffy continued walking until she was nearing where he towered over her. "I'm defenseless," she whispered, "completely, totally, defenseless. You're a vampire. What are you going to do about that?" 

Angel stared at her in surprise. Completely blown away by the trust she showed in him. Remembering Willow's words from earlier, he thought that maybe he had been a little afraid of allowing himself to receive Buffy's love.

"Your mom said that Riley was going to propose to you… and you said that it would make all your dreams come true," Angel admitted, staring into her eyes.

"Oh, Angel," Buffy sighed. "All of this? The anger, the pain, the confusion was because of one conversation that I don't even remember having with my Mom about Riley?"

"But he made you happy," Angel protested. "And you were mad enough at what happened today to want to kill me."

Buffy shook her head. "Riley doesn't make me happy. I was saying that to get Mom off my case. And I wasn't mad about what you had done to Riley, I was mad about what you had done to me."

Angel closed his eyes. No, he hadn't wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing that he had wanted to do when he had lay eyes on her for the first time. "What did I do to you?"

"You turned my life completely upside down. I didn't realize how much I needed having you until you yelled at me out in this hall."

"Buffy… love… I'm so sorry."

Trembling slightly from being so emotionally overwrought, Buffy collapsed into his arms, which greedily encircled her. "You make me happy," she breathed.

Angel held her tight and breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. "I want to make you happy. All that I want is to make you happy. I don't want to cause you pain."

"I know," she whispered. "Don't do that again."

"What?"

"Think I'm better off with someone else."

Angel allowed himself a short bitter chuckle. "I wouldn't dream of it," he said dryly.

"I'm only happy right here," Buffy murmured, already beginning to feel content, "in your arms."

TBC


	8. Eight

It seemed like hours that Buffy was nestled into Angel's embrace. His arms were hard and smooth, and she fit perfectly against him, like pieces of a puzzle that were finally reunited. Time didn't have any relevance. All that mattered was she was pressed up against him… safe and content.  
  
When Angel pulled away from her, Buffy couldn't help but feel her heart sink a little. He stared down at her with deep brown eyes, and Buffy felt the first shoots of desire swell through her body. Breathing hard she closed her eyes and reached out to grasp his hand. Angel took her little hand in his and marveled at the way that even their palms seemed to meld together.  
  
Smoothing back a strand of blonde hair that had come undone from Buffy's lavish hair style, Angel was happy to study her. Feeling his eyes on her, Buffy blushed slightly from the attention. Lids still shut, she gasped in surprise when nimble fingers brushed her cheek. Swallowing, Buffy opened her eyes to find Angel *very* close to her. He closed the last few inches between them, pressing his lips against her soft ones.  
  
Involuntarily, she closed her eyes again, and enjoyed the feel of being in his arms, with his cool lips pressing against hers. Small whines of pleasure escaped her mouth as his hands traveled a blazing path through her hair, past her neck, and down her back. When Angel pulled away, Buffy could have sworn that the world was spinning just a little bit.  
  
"You're so amazing," Angel whispered in awe.  
  
Buffy pulled his hand up to her lips, and pressed a feather light kiss to his knuckles. "You're not too bad yourself," she murmured surprised when her voice sounded husky.  
  
Angel gave a weak smile, and Buffy was sad to notice that it still didn't reach his eyes. "Are you glad that you came aboard this ship?"  
  
"I HATE this ship," Buffy declared, with venom in her voice.  
  
Angel looked at her in surprise, immediately deciding the reason was because of all the pain that he had cause her in the past few days. "I'm sorry…"  
  
Narrowing her eyes at him, Buffy said. "No! It's not you! I just… I haven't had the best couple of days."  
  
"I'm sorry," Angel repeated looking like a whipped puppy.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. 'Does he always assume that everything is his fault?' "NOT. YOU."  
  
Stepping away from her, Angel walked to the other side of the room. "Look I just want you to know that I'm never going to be normal. I can't be what a regular man is."  
  
"I get it, already," Buffy snapped, "and believe it or not, I'm not exactly Ms. Normal either.  
  
Angel sighed, frustrated. "No. You're the slayer. But that doesn't mean…"  
  
Buffy let out a long breath. "You're right. I'm just a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Is that it?"  
  
"No… I don't think that about you—"  
  
"Then STOP it! I like *YOU*!" Without another word, Buffy turned and stomped out the door. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she wanted to cry at the feeling of being separated from him.  
  
"Buffy… wait!"  
  
Buffy turned, and anger coloured her face and words, while her heart screamed in protest. "I thought we already covered this! You said that you wouldn't ever think that I'm better off with someone else!"  
  
Angel groaned, annoyed. "I didn't say THAT! I'm just making sure you know what you're getting into."  
  
"Oh, that's great," Buffy spat. "Reading me the warning label now. Perfect. I guess, now that you're so sure that you're COMPLETELY the WRONG man for me, I better go back after Riley. Thank you so much, Angel, for the warning."  
  
"Buffy stop!" he yelled. "I didn't mean that."  
  
With a shake of her head, Buffy fled out the door once more. "Talk to me when you grow up!"  
  
"I'm not the one that needs to learn something about growing up!" Angel snapped.  
  
Buffy spun around, her eyes blazing. "You might want to do something about this door." Angry, she turned on her heel and made a dramatic exit. Angel stood with his mouth open watching the door and hoping crazily that she would come back.  
  
'Good. Way to be smooth, Genius.' Stomach gnawing at him in guilt, Angel paced. She was just a girl, he was a hundred and something year-old vampire. She didn't know enough to make decisions about love and life.  
  
Or so he told himself.  
  
Angel stopped and looked at his broken door. He was going to need to find someone to fix it. Too bad it was still day.  
  
'What if she loves me?' A small, nagging part of his brain asked. 'That's ridiculous!' he thought at once. 'Impossible!'  
  
Angel stared at his broken door. 'But, what if she does love me?'  
  
  
  
Buffy stomped down the hall with a scowl on her face. Her fists clenched and unclenched spastically at her sides. She vaguely realized that it was getting close to dinner and her mother was expecting her to be there. 'To show off her wonderful daughter to all the great new people she's met, no doubt,' Buffy thought bitterly.  
  
Sighing, she fumed when she noticed the figure approaching her. "STUPID, boys," she hissed under her breath. The person only continued to come closer, apparently not noticing the large look of annoyance on Buffy's face.  
  
"Buffy!" Riley cried, excitedly. Buffy flinched. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Fine," Buffy snapped.  
  
"Did he hurt you? If he did… I'll kill him," he promised determinedly.  
  
"He didn't hurt me."  
  
Riley looked a little hurt. "What happened? Why did you go rushing off like that?"  
  
"I was planning on staking him," Buffy said icily.  
  
Riley stared at her confused. "Staking?" he paused and realization dawned in his eyes. "Oh… you mean you neutralized him?"  
  
"Sure. If that's what you call it."  
  
Riley blushed a little. "But he's so strong… and you're so little." Riley frowned and thought a minute. "No, this is good. No one will ever accept the fact that you're the reason for his disappearance. People will just figure he went overboard or something. This is good."  
  
Buffy shook her head and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "I didn't stake him."  
  
Riley gaped at her. "Wh… what?" he stuttered.  
  
Buffy shrugged eyes downcast. "I didn't kill him."  
  
"But you… I…" Riley's mouth opened and closed like a fish. "You just… but…"  
  
"Riley, I… I think…" Buffy sighed. 'Oh, to hell with it.' "I love him," she admitted.  
  
"WHAT????" he shrieked.  
  
"Shush!" Buffy hissed. "Say it a little louder, why don't you?"  
  
"He's a vampire!" Riley roared. "How can you have…" Riley gulped, "feelings for him?"  
  
Buffy stared off into space dreamily. "He's more than a vampire. He's good and sweet… and selfless." As an afterthought she added, "Stupid men."  
  
Riley narrowed his eyes. "You didn't kill him?"  
  
This time Buffy did roll her eyes. "No, Riley, I didn't kill him."  
  
"Because you love him?"  
  
"That's right, Riley."  
  
"Because he's good???"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
Riley shook his head. "You're one complicated girl."  
  
Buffy stared sadly down the hall from where she had just come. "I am."  
  
"My superiors aren't going to like the fact that I purposely let a hostile go."  
  
Buffy looked at him hopefully.  
  
Riley rubbed at his shoulder painfully and winced. "I think it would be a little painful for me to go near him, anyway."  
  
"And I'd have to kill you if you touched him." Buffy said. Riley looked shocked, and Buffy couldn't help but give a little chuckle. "He's a stupid annoying vampire," she clarified, "but he's *my* stupid annoying vampire, and you can't dust him."  
  
"I'll remember that," Riley stuttered.  
  
Buffy managed to give a little smile. 'Riley's a dimwit, but he's kind of sweet in his own way.'  
  
She was about part ways with Riley, when another person came running down the hall towards her. Buffy let out no small groan when she saw who it was. The person came right up, and knocking Riley out of her way, stood facing Buffy with her hands on her hips. "What do you think you were doing?" Cordelia Chase yelled. "Knocking down poor Angel's door like that. Poor thing wouldn't even look at me when I came to see him." Cordelia tossed her hair over her shoulder, and her beautiful red lips formed a little pout. "He looked so upset and confused… took a lot from me to comfort him."  
  
"He sent you away, didn't he?" Buffy said snidely, though, her stomach quivered in fear and jealousy.  
  
Cordelia smiled coldly. "You'd like to think that, Buffy. You might be super-strong or whatever, but I know how to work a man."  
  
Buffy's insides froze. She hated to admit that Cordelia spoke the truth. 'But not Angel,' her mind screamed in protest. 'Not Angel.'  
  
Riley, who had recovered his wits after being tossed aside, was watching Cordelia with a look of pure awe on his face. Coming forward he absentmindedly shoved Buffy out of the way. Staring at her, he stuck out his hand. "Hi… I'm Riley Finn."  
  
Cordelia narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you want?"  
  
Riley didn't appear flustered in the least. In fact, a slow silly smile spread across his face. "I don't believe that I've seen you around here before."  
  
Cordelia seemed to loosen up. She gave him a good once over from top to bottom and(,) liking what she saw, gave a tentative smile. "I think you're right."  
  
Riley beamed. "I know this may seem abrupt… but would you mind accompanying me to dinner?"  
  
Cordelia gave a shy little laugh, and playfully tapped him on the arm. "I would love to."  
  
Happily, Riley offered his arm, which she gladly accepted. Smiles wide, and eyes glowing, Cordelia and Riley disappeared down the hall, clearly forgetting all about Buffy. Buffy, happy to have been abandoned, sagged against the wall. She watched the pair disappear with wide eyes. "This world cannot get any weirder," she muttered.  
  
Standing up straighter, she shook herself both mentally and physically. "Okay, that's it!" Stomping she went back down the hall from where she had originally came. Without a backwards glance, she walked right through Angel's broken doorway. She found him leaning miserably against the wall watching her with guarded eyelids.  
  
Buffy glared at him and walked right up to where he was standing so she could get into his face. "Okay, you. I'm only saying this once so you better listen to me."  
  
Angel opened his mouth to argue but one look from Buffy, and he closed it again.  
  
"I said that you BETTER LISTEN!"  
  
"I'm listening," Angel said quickly.  
  
Buffy nodded. "Good." Angel stared at her with questioning eyes. Buffy stared back. Suddenly, giving herself a little shake she gave a guilty smile. "I guess I'm supposed to say something…"  
  
Angel shrugged since he had been ordered not to talk.  
  
"I think you're stupid," Buffy finally snapped. "I think that you're confused and have some major identity issues. You don't feel good about yourself. You don't believe that you're a good person. You think you're a monster. You don't know how to have a good conversation with the girl you claim to have feelings for."  
  
"Hey—"  
  
Buffy glared at him. "AND you're an idiot."  
  
"You know," Angel protested, "this really isn't helping things any…"  
  
Buffy's eyes softened. "But YOU ARE a good person. You SHOULD feel good about yourself. And you most certainly ARE NOT a monster. So get OVER it!"  
  
"Buffy… I…"  
  
"DON'T BUFFY ME!!!" she yelled. "I know what I want. I'm not a kid. So DEAL with it!"  
  
Turning she fled towards the door. She was almost there when Angel leaned forward and grabbed her elbow. Spinning her around, she felt herself pinned against his larger frame. Wide eyed, Buffy could do nothing but stare at him.  
  
Leaning forward he brushed his mouth against hers in a quick kiss. "Thank you," he murmured.  
  
Flustered, Buffy blushed. "No… problem."  
  
As abruptly as when he pulled her against him, Angel let her go. Buffy gulped. Hard. There was a stretch of silence that seemed to go on forever and rocket through the room, making it smaller and somehow cramped. All Buffy could see where Angel's eyes on hers, and with a jolt she realized she loved him. 'I really do. I really really really do,' she thought in awe.  
  
"I'll see you soon, then," Buffy said uncomfortably, her words sounding forced even to her own ears.  
  
Angel shifted. "I guess so."  
  
"I better. I really hope that the whole lecture thing wasn't for nothing. You did learn something from all this, right?" Buffy babbled.  
  
Angel pressed a finger to her lips. "You'll see me again," he whispered.  
  
'Oh. My. God.' Buffy thought a little hysterical. "When?" she murmured, her throat dry.  
  
Angel gave her a slow, soul-shattering, deep, world-spinning, smile "Sometime," he answered cryptically.  
  
Buffy nodded. "Okay."  
  
"Go have dinner." Angel nodded in the direction of the door.  
  
Buffy stared at him a beat. 'Should I ask him to come with me?' she wondered. 'I want him to. I want us to have dinner together. And I want to be able to show him off to Mom and Giles. I want to be able to tell him how much I care about him.' Buffy studied his face wanting to express her feelings. Her heart sank a little, and she worried that there was a reason why he didn't suggest them having dinner together. 'Does he feel the same way about me? He's been around so much longer than me… why waste his time on little old me?'  
  
"Buffy?" Angel questioned.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You're staring."  
  
Buffy flushed in embarrassment. "Oh, I… sorry," she fumbled. "I'm leaving now… don't worry."  
  
Angel grabbed her arm again. He spun her around until she was pressed tightly against him. Lowering his mouth, he gave her a firm gentle kiss. "I'll see you later," he told her, his voice hoarse.  
  
Buffy, barely being able to nod, and wishing her head would stop spinning, managed to stumble her way out of his stateroom. She was down the hall and halfway to the dining hall when she realized that she never told him that she loved him.  
  
She shrugged. It was probably better this way, anyway. He should say it first.  
  
  
  
Angel sighed watching her go. He'd been so close to inviting himself to go with her. Scowling, he mentally went back over the list of why that wouldn't work. He was a vampire. A vampire with a conscience, but still a vampire. And vampires had special needs. Drinking blood in order to survive was one of them. Over the years Angel had learned that he had some great self-control. He'd been in jammed cities, such as London, and hadn't fed on a human since he got his soul back. Still, he hadn't had a meal in a good few days, and his stomach was starting to gurgle at him.  
  
A roomful of rich, young, beautiful people would certainly test his self- control, and frankly, Angel wasn't feeling well enough to handle it if he didn't have to. 'I have plenty of time to have dinner with Buffy,' Angel reasoned, 'we still have quite a while to go until we get to New York. And, once there, I do have all the time in the world to have dinner with Buffy. Unless, of course, I'm lucky enough to fall on a stake.'  
  
With a grim smile, Angel made his way out of his stateroom. Night was swiftly closing in on the sea. Though Angel had no sense of temperature and couldn't easily tell hot from cold, he noticed that only a few people were milling about on the Promenade. Those people that were, donned heavy fur coats and jackets. The only logical reason for this was that it was very cold out.  
  
The first thing he had to do was find a workman or steward or *something* to fix his door because he had been getting funny looks from people that passed his room all day. A small smile flitted across his lips thinking about Buffy. She was truly… something else. It filled his old dead heart with warmth just thinking about her. Thinking about her, though, brought up his old fears and doubts. He knew now that he could never walk away from her, no matter how much better it would be for her. One look into her angry, accusing face this afternoon had weakened him. Buffy Summers was stuck with him. For better or worse.  
  
Angel was pulled out of his brooding when he noticed a steward staring at him with a gaping mouth and wide eyes. His expression was almost comical, and Angel was sure that the steward looked almost afraid of him. He was just a boy with short, cropped, dark brown hair. His posture was terrible, and he looked like he might fall on his face from slouching over so far.  
  
His name tag identified him as Alexander Harris.  
  
Xander pointed a shaking finger at Angel. "It's you!" he cried.  
  
Angel glanced around nervously. 'If this guy is a friend of Riley's, then I know that everyone on this ship is out to get me.'  
  
Xander advanced with a scowl. "I saw what you did to Riley. If you lay one finger on Buffy, I will rip *every* *single* part of your…" Xander trailed off and gave Angel the once over from head to toe. He gulped. "Well-tone muscled body to pieces."  
  
The vampire wasn't impressed. "Really?"  
  
Xander seemed to shrink under Angel's deadly stare. "Or die trying," he said, his voice quivering slightly.  
  
Squinting, Angel studied him. "Who are you?"  
  
"Your worst nightmare." Xander stood up straighter and puffed up his chest.  
  
Angel sighed. "Isn't anyone on this ship here to help?" he muttered.  
  
"Well, if you didn't go beating up innocent people…."  
  
"I didn't beat up an innocent person!" Angel yelled. "He attacked *me* FIRST!"  
  
Xander snorted. "Please. Your secret is out. I know what you are. And it isn't some rich, but boring banker."  
  
"And what are you?" Angel challenged, "serving rich people on a ship that you know you could never really afford?"  
  
Xander narrowed his eyes. "At least I don't seduce little girls, and beat up their love-interests."  
  
"I TOLD YOU! I DIDN'T GO AFTER RILEY!"  
  
"Whatever," Xander snapped. "I didn't like him much, anyway."  
  
"What?" Angel shook his head in confusion. "I thought that you were a friend of his."  
  
Now it was Xander's turn to look surprised. "Wow, you drink blood, AND you're stupid!"  
  
Angel glared at him when it suddenly dawned on him. "You're in love with Buffy," he whispered. "You're jealous of me."  
  
"No!" Xander shrieked quickly.  
  
Angel nodded, and couldn't help but smirk. "Sure."  
  
"Fine," Xander cried. "And she should be with me! I mean, look at you all evil and broody and attractive." Angel raised his eyebrows, but Xander barreled on before he could comment. "And Riley's dull." As an afterthought he added, "And a wuss."  
  
Angel shook his head. "I don't have time for this," brushing past Xander, he was going to find someone to help him when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned back to stare into Xander's eyes, which shone with hatred.  
  
"Look, I don't like you," Xander declared. "I think that Buffy is blinded by the danger and darkness to see what she's really getting into." Xander softened. "But take care of her. Buffy's special."  
  
Before Angel could blink, Xander was gone, and he was left alone to brood. 'And to find someone to help fix my door,' Angel reminded himself. 'And let's not forget supper.' With a sigh of frustration, Angel continued exploring the ship, hoping that he would be in luck and stumble across a helpful person. And, also, if he was really lucky, a rat.  
  
  
  
Buffy, not having time to change into dinner clothes before walking down the Grand Staircase and into the dining room, had to struggle not to wince. She knew that she looked terrible. Knocking down a door and getting ready to fight her enemy didn't do wonders for her dress. Plus, the part afterwards where she had shared some earth-shattering kisses with her enemy didn't do wonders for her looks, either.  
  
Her mother was going to kill her.  
  
Buffy figured that at least she was only five minutes late. That might save her from a terrible doom. At least this way her mother would only torture her for a couple hundred years.  
  
Buffy made the way to her mother's table as quickly as she dared. 'No use putting this off,' she thought with an inward groan. Before Buffy even sat down, Joyce's disapproving glare was trained on her daughter.  
  
"Buffy!" Mrs. Summers hissed, "where's your hat?"  
  
Giles looked up at his slayer sharply. His mouth immediately turned into a puckered frown. Buffy glared, noticing that this was done in an effort not to laugh. "A lady should never go out without her hat," Giles chastised, still looking as if he was having trouble concealing his laughter.  
  
Buffy scowled deeply at him. "I lost my hat."  
  
Joyce pursed her lips. "I can't even believe that you showed up looking like this, Buffy!" she murmured under her breath so only Buffy could hear. "Do you have any idea what people will say?"  
  
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Buffy sat down and struggled to keep her rising anger in check. "Mother I don't care what people say. It's just a one time thing… please, let it go."  
  
Her mother sighed looking pained. "It isn't a one time thing! This behavior has been going on the entire trip! I won't take it anymore, Buffy. You've been sneaking around behind my back since we boarded this ship! And yesterday you yelled at poor Riley in front of all those people! What in heaven's name is going on?"  
  
Buffy opened her mouth, preparing to lie if the need arose. She would have liked to explain about Angel to her mother, but she didn't want to have to bring in the whole vampire thing. Fortunately, she was spared a string of excuses Joyce wouldn't have believed, when something caught her mother's eye.  
  
Standing up, she pointed to a table in the back of the room and her eyes flashed dangerously. Buffy was surprised that she didn't see smoke some pouring out of her ears. "WHAT IS THAT???"  
  
Buffy looked in the direction of her mother's finger and couldn't help but smirk when she saw what had grabbed Joyce's attention. Cordelia and Riley were sitting at a table for two, hands joined, and staring into each other's eyes. "I believe," Buffy said carefully, "that would be Riley."  
  
Giles followed the gaze of the two Summers' woman and couldn't help but let out a snort when he saw what they were looking at. Buffy caught his eye, and gave him a warning glance. Covering his mouth, Giles blushed in embarrassment. Luckily, Joyce was too caught up in watching Riley that she didn't notice.  
  
"Isn't that Cordelia?" Joyce gasped, hand held in mock surprise over her heart.  
  
"That would be the one and only Queen C."  
  
"Didn't the two of you play together when you were little?" Mrs. Summers reflected.  
  
"Does pulling each other's hair count?" Buffy questioned, "because maybe in some far-away universe that could be considered playing."  
  
Scowling, Buffy's mother looked as if she might go up to the table herself and ask just what they were doing. Seeming to remember herself, she turned back to her daughter and took her hand comfortingly. "Oh, Buffy," she murmured. "I'm so sorry… I had no idea."  
  
"Mom, it's not what you think…" Buffy protested.  
  
Smiling lightly, Joyce patted Buffy's hand. "It's okay, Sweetie. I understand that boys can be terrible. I'm sorry that Riley didn't turn out to be what you expected. Please, though, next time just tell me… I'll understand. There's no need to go sneaking off and getting into trouble."  
  
Buffy sighed and slouched down in her seat. What was the use? "Okay, Mom. Thanks for being so understanding."  
  
Joyce gave Buffy's hand once more gentle squeeze before letting it go. "There's nothing that you can't tell me."  
  
Tiredly, Buffy made eye contact with Giles. "Of course."  
  
  
  
Slightly disgusted with himself, Angel let his nose guide him to his prey. He was down in the steerage rooms, where a surprised steward had told him was the only place where rats may be. The steward has also looked faintly put out when he has seen Angel's damaged door. Well-trained, and well paid, the steward had wisely kept his mouth shut and decided that it was none of his business and chalked it up to being one of those things better left alone.  
  
When Angel found that his nose was of absolutely no use, and the steerage section of the ship was well cleaned, he almost gave up his search. Unfortunately, his stomach was growling at him, and Angel knew that in order to keep full control over his demon's less than conventional urges, he needed to feed.  
  
Roughly grabbing the sleeve of a nearby passenger, Angel demanded to know if he had seen any rats, and, if so, where they were to be found. The man decided that steerage passengers on a ship as grand as the 'Titanic' were important, and the captain must be checking to make sure that there were no rats.  
  
The man honestly told Angel that he hadn't seen any vermin.  
  
Angel scowled and let the 3rd class passenger go. The man scurried off, and Angel was left to fend for himself. Dejectedly, he wandered around aimlessly until he ran into another steward, who sent him quickly out of 3rd class when he realized that Angel was carrying a 1st class ticket.  
  
Nerves on edge, Angel wandered back to his room and was glad to note that his door had been fixed. 'At least something is going my way today.' Sighing, he set out again and decided that his last option for food was slightly more risky but would hopefully bring better results.  
  
Hating himself, Angel set out to look for food that the restaurants were discarding.  
  
  
  
Yawning, Buffy allowed Giles to escort her back to her room. She felt like she hadn't slept right in days. Which, she figured, was entirely possible.  
  
"How are things going with Angel?" Giles whispered in her ear, daring to look back to make sure that Mrs. Summers hadn't heard.  
  
Buffy shot her mother a weary glance. "Never been better," she answered shortly.  
  
Giles gave her a questioning look. "We fought, got back together, fought, got back together, fought, got back together…"  
  
"I get the point," Giles cut in. "He hasn't… hurt you?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Not physically."  
  
Giles sighed. "Be careful."  
  
Buffy squeezed his hand. "I am."  
  
Giles opened her stateroom door. "Good-night, Buffy."  
  
Buffy smiled. "Night, Giles."  
  
  
  
Annoyed, disgusted, dirty, but *full* Angel returned to his stateroom. As a creature of the night, he had no interest in sleeping. Although, he figured that it might be a good idea to start adopting human habits if Buffy was going to become a more central part of his life.  
  
Buffy.  
  
A small smile crept over his lips.  
  
  
  
Riley leaned forward and brushed his lips over Cordelia's. "You're an amazing woman," he breathed.  
  
Cordelia blushed and hit him playfully on the arm. "Stop it! You're amazing!"  
  
Riley wrinkled his nose. "No you stop!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"You!"  
  
  
  
"Night, Xander," Willow called.  
  
Xander smiled happily at his childhood friend. "Night, Will." The friends were about to part ways when Willow stopped and gave him a funny look. "What?"  
  
Willow shook her head. "I just got the strangest feeling."  
  
Xander raised his eyebrows. "I don't know if I want to know…"  
  
"It's probably nothing," Willow admitted pursing her lips. "I just feel like this is our last safe night."  
  
"In that case I better enjoy it!" Xander said happily. Xander patted her hand reassuringly. "Relax. We've now seen vampires. Nothing can hurt us."  
  
Willow forced out a laugh. "You're right." Xander nodded and turned away. Staring after him a beat, Willow turned and decided it was time for bed.  
  
It was the final time that she ever got a good night's sleep.  
  
TBC 


	9. Nine

A/N: Sorry for making you all wait so long for the update! I was having trouble working on this particular story. But I'm back. And I'm typing furiously! I hope to have the next one done by next week. THANK YOU for everyone's nice reviews. Sunday April 14, 1912 

The day dawned brisk, clear, sunny, and cold. Buffy walked back and forth, rubbing her hands together over the first class promenade. She was up early. For some unknown reason, Buffy had wanted to see the sunrise for the first time in her life. Of course, seeing it rise while she was in the middle of the ocean was a lot different from seeing it come over a hill. Still, she was glad all the same

Stretching out, she shook her arms. Already, the lack of slaying was catching up to her, and she was afraid that her limbs would be nothing but jelly when she arrived in America. She almost wished that the trip would last a little longer. It was nice to get away. No more slaying… no more duty… just a normal girl taking a normal voyage on a normal ship. 

A small smile crept over her lips when she thought of the irony in that. It probably was one major upset with the Powers, that the slayer had fallen in love with a vampire during her one and only vacation.  

Shivering a little despite her strong resolve not to, Buffy decided that it was probably time for her to go inside and sit down to breakfast with her mother. 

Buffy found her mother and Giles getting ready to knock on her door when she came down the hallway. Putting on her best smile, she walked up to the two of them. "Hi!" she said cheerfully, causing both of them to jump in surprise.

Hand held dramatically over her heart, Joyce frowned. "Good heavens. Buffy, what are you doing wandering around? You scared me silly!" She squinted at her daughter. "Where's your hat?" 

Buffy groaned inwardly. "I must have left it with my slayer handbook. You know, the one that warns me not to sneak up on people."

Giles shot her a warning glare. After thinking her words over a minute, Joyce let out a high-pitched laugh. "Oh, Buffy! You say the funniest things!"

"Mmmm," Buffy muttered as a reply. Seeing as her mother had let the hat topic drop, Buffy grabbed her elbow and dragged her towards the dining room. 

Giles followed slowly behind the two women, only picking up snatches of their conversation. One thing Joyce said made him wince, he was fairly certain, just as much as it did Buffy.

"Buffy, did you hear? The Captain is leading a service today after breakfast! Isn't that exciting?"

Buffy forced down a yawn as she stood ramrod straight. Blah, blah, blah, praise the lord, blah, blah, blah, all holy and awesome one. She just didn't get it. A once devoted catholic, Buffy now only believed in the pain crosses and holy water could cause a vampire. The praying part really didn't do much, besides the fact that vampires generally didn't like churches. Still, since her mother was keeping a fairly firm grip on her arm, Buffy decided that it would be best if she kept her revelations to herself. 

Not being able to help herself, she glanced around. Apparently, the third class passengers had been allowed to join the service, and most of them were looking around with a mixture of awe and resentment at the riches the first class got to enjoy.

Buffy stifled another yawn. Already she was bored. She didn't think that five minutes had gone by. 'Well, that's a record. You haven't thought about Angel for a whole five minutes. I think you're slipping, Buffy.' Sighing softly to herself, she thought happily of his beautiful eyes as the Captain drowned on.

Angel awoke sometime around mid-day. He tried not to let it bother him too much. Less than a week in the life of Buffy Summers, and he was already beginning to strip himself of his vampire habits. Not being able to sleep during the day was definitely not one of the bonuses. He was stuck for at least another five hours before he could actually leave his stateroom. 

Of course, his days seemed to be following a particular pattern. He would try and sleep, but a quick succession of people would come knocking on the door. First the woman that he had fallen in love with, then some macho guy swearing that he was from an organization called the Intitave, and, finally, some girl that he still couldn't remember the name of. 'Cara? Cord… something.' Shrugging, Angel decided that he didn't really care.

When he did hear a knock on his door, Angel wasn't the least bit surprised. It was getting to be such a regular occurrence that he was certain if a day came without a surprise visit, his entire routine would be ruined. 

Giles tried to stand up straighter and make his chest seem a little bit wider when Angel opened his door. Not that he had come to yell at the vampire. He just wanted to make sure that Angel still had the same worries in mind that Giles did. 

Angel narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the watcher. "Rupert Giles, right?" he said in way of greeting.

Giles nodded and walked into the stateroom. He looked around quickly, making sure not to let any details slip him by. He noticed with approval that the room was neat and clean. It didn't seem at all like the dirty vampire lair he had been expecting. 

"Not to seem rude," Angel said, watching the watcher with a predator's gaze, "but what are you doing here?" 

Giles turned to look him in the eye. "I'm somewhat worried over Buffy's safety."

"I won't hurt her," Angel bit out tersely. Body tense, Angel sighed wearily. He didn't want to be reminded of his constant doubts yet again. 

"No, I don't suppose you will." Walking around the small room slowly, Giles did a very dangerous thing and let his back be exposed to the vampire. He truly didn't believe that Angel was out to hurt anyone. Turning sharply around, Giles face was a hard mask. "That doesn't mean that your relationship is good for her." 

Taking a deep breath, Angel tried not to let the man's words get to him. "I didn't think so either."

"That seems to have changed some."

Angel let out a short chuckle. "Buffy… can be quite convincing when she wants to be."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "Yes. She is that."

Letting his shoulders sag, Angel went and sat down on his bed. Leaning backwards, he regarded the watcher with a look of defeat. "I'm sure that you aren't going to tell me something that I haven't already told myself. I'm a vampire… and I have to live like one." 

"You have a soul."

"I do," Angel agreed. "But that doesn't stop the urges." 

Not quite sure what to say to that, Giles took off his glasses and started to clean them so he wouldn't have to look at the vampire any longer. 

"I haven't fed on a human being since that day," Angel said sharply, causing Giles to look up at him.

Hands steady, Giles replaced his glasses before answering him. "Then perhaps, you do have something to offer Buffy. I'm not a fool. Any man that she gets involved with would be in grave danger."

"I'd die for her," Angel promised.

Regarding him solemnly Giles nodded.  "I believe that you would."

"It still doesn't make me the right person for her."

"I didn't say that." Giles cleared his throat and stumbled onto his last words with great difficulty. "I didn't say that. I want Buffy to be safe… and happy."

Angel sucked in a deep breath. "That's what I want, too."

"Can you give that to her?"

"It won't ever be easy…  but I would do the best I could."

Looking him sharp in the eye, everything in Giles rebelled against the acceptance of his mortal enemy. "Prove it." 

The Dining Hall was full of animated chatter and laughter. Glasses glinted, and smiles adorned the faces of the first class passengers. Buffy didn't notice any of the merriment. When she sat down to dinner that night, she had one mission. To tell her mother that she never loved Riley. And would never be able to love him. 

And maybe she'd even bring up Angel and see what kind of a reaction she got.

She noticed that Giles kept avoiding her eye, and she was a little disappointed since she was hoping he would be able to help with the moral support. In fact, he was acting down right strange around her, and she began to wonder what she had done to ruffle his wings this time. 

The dinner started off fine, with lots of polite conversation about all the fine things that people had seen and done that day. Buffy yawned and nodded her way through it. When Riley and Cordelia made their dramatic entrance, griping each other's arms and laughing gaily, Buffy grabbed her mother's arm.

"I need to talk to you," she whispered.

Joyce looked around frantically. "Right now? I'm in the middle of a nice dinner."

Buffy tried to look sad and gestured unhappily to the newfound couple. "Please?"

Nodding, Joyce sighed and got up. "You know," she said as her daughter led her over the Grand Staircase and to the outside of the ship, "when I said you could tell me anything, I didn't mean that you could tell me anything during dinner." 

Buffy ignored her mother and the stinging cold as she chewed her lip thoughtfully. She was trying to find a strategy that would break the news easiest to the elder Summers woman.  

"Buffy, what's this all about?" Joyce questioned.

Turning away from her, Buffy sighed. "You know Riley?"

"Of course I know Riley!" Touching her daughters arm light, Joyce turned so she could look her in the eye. "Are you still broken up about him?"

Buffy struggled with the right words to use and finally settled on bluntness. "No, Mom, I can't stand Riley." Off Joyce's bewildered look, Buffy continued. "I met someone… the first day we arrived on the ship. I… I think… Mom, have you ever been in love?"

Joyce's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Who is he?"

"His name is Angel," Buffy answered. "Mom… I've never felt this way before."

"Buffy, you lied to me." Buffy's head snapped up, stunned at the venom she heard in her mother's voice. "You've been seeing a man and you didn't think he was good enough for you to tell me about him

"No… it isn't like that," Buffy protested weakly.

"No? It wasn't, hmm? Well, then, what was it? Dangerous to keep it a secret? Did it make it more romantic? Did you enjoy lying to me?"

"Mom, I didn't lie to you! There are things that I just can't tell you about!" 

Joyce's eyes flashed. "I'm your mother, Buffy."

"I really care about him," Buffy murmured, "I really do."

"Then you should have told me about him," Joyce replied, hurt in her voice.

"Mom…." Buffy whispered, but she was gone.

Eyes filling with tears, Buffy stumbled to the edge of the ship. Looking out she shivered as a draft of strong wind hit her. She barely noticed the goose bumps that sprung out on her arms and legs, protected only by a simple cocktail dress. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she stayed outside shivering.

That was how Angel found her. Awash in her pain and misery she stood in the darkness, griping the cross that she wore around her neck. Approaching her slowly, he knew that she could feel his arrival and he gently slipped his arms around her. 

Leaning back, she sighed as she was enveloped in his cool embrace. "What's wrong?" he murmured into her ear.  

Shaking her head, she didn't say anything as she held him tightly. "It doesn't matter now."

"It matters to me," Angel pressed.

She peered up at him with tear stained eyes. "Nothing. I made a mistake."

"You made a mistake?" He questioned, fear in his words.

Cupping his cheek, Buffy pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Not you. My mother."

His mind a whirlwind at the sensation of being so close to her, Angel forced himself to concentrate on her words. "She loves you. Whatever happened, you'll work out."

Buffy gave him a brilliant smile. "I know," she sniffled. "Kiss me?"

Angel did as she requested and the couple shared a long lingering kiss. Angel pulled away only when he felt her shivering. Taking off his coat, he placed it on her shoulders. "You should get inside."

Wrapping the jacket around herself gratefully, Buffy looked at him worriedly. "Are you sure you don't want to keep this? I don't want you to be cold." 

Smiling, Angel pulled her into his arms. "I'm a vampire. I can't really feel temperatures."

Snuggling against him, Buffy felt herself relax as she breathed in his cool scent. "That's always a plus."

Angel was about to argue when he decided that it just wouldn't be worth it. "Why don't we go inside?"

Buffy shook her head. "I'm quite comfortable where I am, thank you very much."

"Hmmm." In one sweep, Angel lifted her easily off the ground and into his arms.

Buffy giggled and leaned against him. "I'm guessing that the vampire strength can come in handy, too."

Laying a quick kiss on her lips, Angel smiled sweetly. "It has its uses."  
  


Buffy blushed as her mind conjured up all kinds of dirty thoughts that his words implied. Carrying her inside to the warm interior of the ship, Angel put her down when other passengers gave them weird looks. Holding onto her hand, Angel let her guide him through the ship.

"Where are we going?" He finally asked.

"I have no idea," Buffy admitted with a shrug. "I'm trying to find your stateroom."

"Huh," Angel muttered, deciding *not* to mention that they were going in the wrong direction.

"Oh! Did you hear about Riley and Cordy?" Buffy drawled.

"Cordy?" Angel questioned in confusion.

Buffy gave him a sidelong glance. "You don't know who Cordelia is?"

Angel frowned. "Is she that dark haired girl? Likes to talk a lot?"

Buffy shook her head and let out a wry chuckle. "I was so jealous of her."

Stopping suddenly, Angel forced Buffy to face him. "What?"

"Are we going to fight again?"

Tugging on her hand, Angel looked her deep in the eyes. "If this is going to work(,) you have to be honest with me."

After mulling it over, Buffy reluctantly agreed. "I was a *little* jealous."

"But… but… why? I didn't even remember her name!"  

"Oh, please! She was slobbering all over you!"

Looking at her in wonder, Angel had to struggle not to gape. Didn't she get it? Didn't she know how much she meant to him? Didn't she know that she was the *only* thing that he had been thinking about since he had first laid eyes on her?  "You don't know…" he said in wonder.

"Know what?" 

Grabbing her hand, Angel didn't answer her question, but, rather, led her in the right direction of his stateroom. 

Once inside, Buffy gave him a weird look as he let go of her hand and started pacing. He gestured towards his meticulously made bed. "Sit."

Buffy sat, gaping at him. "Angel… what's wrong?"

Angel continued to walk back and forth. "Did you really think that about Cordelia?"

"HA! I knew that you remembered her name!" Buffy cried triumphantly.

Angel stopped and looked at her. "Buffy… that's… beside the point." 

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Sure. You say that now… but later we'll all know who was really right."

"Buffy, I'm serious!" Angel growled.

Wounded, the smile was wiped off Buffy's face. "She… she… I don't know, she was Cordelia!" Faltering, Buffy trailed off, and looked miserably at Angel.

Angel sighed. "I'm sorry." Sitting down next to her, he picked up her hand and gently rubbed his thumb against her palm. "What do you mean?" he asked softly, staring into her eyes.

Buffy gulped. Suddenly her mouth was *really* dry. After thinking it over a minute, she finally decided to just be honest. "Cordelia's perfect. She's beautiful, she's funny, she's…" Buffy hesitated and looked away from him. "She's a normal girl."

Angel closed his eyes for a moment. "Is that what you want? For everything to be normal?" he said with difficulty.

"No!" Buffy forced her eyes back to his again, realizing that he didn't understand what she was saying. "She has time to make herself pretty. She has time to dress nicely. She doesn't have to worry about hiding a stake in her clothes." She dropped her voice as if she was almost ashamed. "She has time to get ready to impress amazing men… like you. Why wouldn't you go for someone like her?"

Flabbergasted, Angel was shocked into silence. Worried that she said something wrong, Buffy reached up and touched his cheek. Heart pounding, Buffy wondered wildly what she had said wrong. "Angel…?"

Her voice seemed to snap him out of his reverie. "How could you even *think* that?"

"I don't know. It must have been the whole 'looking perfect' thing." 

Angel shook his head and pulled her hand over his dead heart. "If my heart was beating right now, you would be able to hear it pounding like an echo through the room. That's what you do to me. I can't think straight when I'm in the same room as you. No one has ever been able to turn everything that I thought I knew upside down before you. Cordelia?" Angel gestured angrily with his fist. "Cordelia is normal. Boring. You… you're so much more than that."

Buffy drew in a ragged breath. "I wasn't that jealous of her," she offered weakly.

"Yes, you were," Angel responded. 

Leaning towards him, Buffy hovered just inches away from his lips. "Suddenly I can't remember why."

Feeling her warm breath against his chin, Angel closed his eyes and fought for the words he'd been struggling so hard before to tell her. "Buffy?"

Pulling away from him, Buffy bit her lip in order to get control of her pounding heart. "What?"

A million different words and vows of love crossed Angel's mind, none of which sounded right to him. Reaching up, he stroked the side of her face, lost deep in thought. "Sometimes I don't understand why you can do this to me." 

"Do what?" she breathed. Trying not to, but not being able to help herself, Buffy's eyes examined him. His beautiful angelic face, his sculpted arms and chest, his lush lips.

Buffy started trembling ever so slightly. 

Picking up right away on her sudden change in demeanor, Angel's struggle to form coherent thoughts continued. "You make me feel things…"

Looking at him, she traced the corner of his mouth. "You're so beautiful," she murmured wistfully. 

"Do you love me?" he asked suddenly.

Shocked, Buffy pulled away and stared at him wide-eyed. 'Oh, no, oh no, oh no, oh no.' Still staring at him, she thought about the answer. It wasn't that she wasn't sure whether or not she loved him, she knew she did, but she was scared of admitting it. Terrified. The thought that he didn't feel the same way about her was a fear so deep she was almost afraid of it.

Hurt by her silence, Angel suspected the worst. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, Angel stood and backed away from her. "I shouldn't have asked you that," he choked out with difficulty. "That was a… personal question."

Buffy didn't really hear anything but pounding of her heart in her own ears. Drawing her knees up to chest, she hugged them tightly before answering in a whisper soft voice. "I… I love you."

Angel stared at her in wonder, not sure if her words were a figure of his imagination or real. "Wh… what did you say?"

"I love you," she repeated, louder this time. Looking at him, she allowed the fear to show in her eyes. "I love you, Angel."

He came towards, as if in a dream. She held out her hand and he grasped it, sitting down next to her. "I love you," he admitted, almost as if it added a burden to his heart.

Buffy felt joy at hearing the three little words that meant so much, but her happiness was slightly overshadowed by the fact that he looked miserable. "What… what's wrong?" she whispered in fear.

Eyes haunted, he looked at her sadly. "I love you," he repeated. "I'm sorry… that I can't be better… that I can't stop it."

Buffy shook her head, eyes filling with tears. "Don't be sorry," she pleaded. "I'm not."

"I can't help it…" Angel looked away from her. "And part of me feels weak, because I'm happier than I've ever been."

Gently, Buffy reached up and trailed her fingers through his hair. Wrapping her hand around his neck, she pulled him forward into a bruising kiss. "I want you to be happy," she murmured when they parted. 

Eyes ablaze, Angel didn't say anything, but pulled her forward for another passionate kiss. Teeth nipped and tongues tasted. Hands roamed, touching and setting a path of fire. Buffy sighed, lost in the feel of him, knowing that she was on the brink of something new and exciting. His mouth wandered over her chin and neck, gently nipping at her skin and tasting her flesh. 

Angel was breathing hard when he pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Maybe we should stop…"

Buffy reached for him and stopped his protests with a gentle but firm kiss. There was no more talking as he drew her down onto the bed. Moans and sighs could be heard from outside the room as the couple rejoiced in each other, feeling the soar of freedom.

Hours later, Buffy awoke sharply. She wasn't sure what had happened, but there was an impeding sense of danger. Reaching over, she grasped for the comfort of her lover… and gave a little cry when she realized that he wasn't there. Sitting up, she hugged the sheet to her chest and surveyed the room with apprehension.

The bed moved. 

Gasping, she looked around wildly. "Angel?" she called softly. The deep penetrating darkness was her only reply. Shakily, she wrapped herself in the white sheet, and stood. Her heart lodged in her throat when she saw that the bed was nailed to the floor. It couldn't have moved.

She was about to go out into the hall and see if anyone else had been awoken by the vibration of the ship when a sharp, scraping noise cut through the silence of Angel's stateroom. It was like someone was dragging a fingernail along the outside of the ship. When the noise stopped, Buffy took a deep shuddering breath, and tried to calm herself down.

The engine stopped.

She could feel it the moment that it happened. The whole voyage on the 'Titanic' had been as smooth a ride as possible but for the low, comforting hum of the powerful engine. Now, it was gone, and tendrils of fear began to creep its way up Buffy's spine.

What just happened?

And where was Angel?

TBC


	10. Ten

A/N: Really. I meant to have this out by Sunday, but then I got all freaked out because, duh, Sunday/Monday was the 90th anniversary of the sinking of the 'Titanic'. So. Just to be on the safe side, not that I'm overly superstitious, I waited a couple of days before posting this. Thanks for all the great feedback! You're all great! And double thanks for being patient for me for taking so long to update.  
  
  
  
Buffy forced the panic she could feel bubbling in her throat down. She had been in dangerous situations before. She needed to stay calm and think levelly.  
  
Not wanting to leave Angel's room for fear that he may come back when she wasn't there, Buffy dressed and cautiously opened the door to take a good look around. Everywhere, people were milling about in the halls.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked a passerby, whom, she noticed, was wearing bright pink, silk pajamas.  
  
Smiling a little, the middle-aged man patted her hand. "Don't worry, miss. Heard that it was nothing but a little iceberg. I'm sure that we'll be going on again in no time."  
  
The man passed on, and Buffy felt her stomach bottom out. 'Nothing but an iceberg,' she thought hysterically. 'When did an iceberg become a little problem?'  
  
The fact that no one looked even mildly worried only made Buffy more nervous. She wondered where Angel could have gone. Had something happened to him? *No.* Buffy pushed the thought out of her head… he was fine. He had to be fine.  
  
Knowing that she couldn't stand still and do nothing, Buffy hurried towards her stateroom.  
  
She fought off a wave of guilt and anger to find her mother standing outside her room, pacing back and forth with obvious worry. The moment that she saw her daughter, Joyce rushed over and enveloped Buffy in a crushing hug.  
  
"Where have you been?" she demanded.  
  
Buffy pulled away and took a deep breath of air. "I was just…" Buffy paused, she couldn't very well tell her mother what she had really just been doing. "I was just taking a walk."  
  
Joyce sniffed. "At 11:30?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. Looking her mother over, she realized with a jolt that she was wearing a life vest. "Mom, what's going on?"  
  
Joyce looked down at her garment, and then back at Buffy with a weary look in her eyes. Sadly, she smoothed a strand of her daughter's hair back. "Get your vest from your room," she commanded softly.  
  
Fear crept up her throat and Buffy pushed it down as best she could. "Why?"  
  
Giles came up behind her. "It's merely a lifeboat drill, Buffy."  
  
His calm voice reassured her. Hanging on to that hope, Buffy nodded and didn't ask the question that kept running through her head. Why were they having a drill at this time of night?  
  
"Put something on under your vest, I don't want you to catch cold," Joyce said, her voice surprisingly firm  
  
Blinking back tears, Buffy nodded again. Looking at Giles desperately, she whimpered, "Angel. I can't find him. What if something happened…." Choking on the words she looked pleadingly at her mother. "I couldn't stand it if something happened to him."  
  
Joyce took her hand and gave it a squeeze. "It's going to be okay, Buffy. Go and put on your vest. Then we'll look for him."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"I promise."  
  
  
  
Though no one could tell by looking at his face, Angel was deeply troubled. He watched with a growing sense of unease as third class passenger played a game of catch with the large pieces of ice that seemed to litter the deck.  
  
He'd been sleeping peacefully when a sense of danger had awoken him. Not wanting to awake the sleeping Buffy, he'd come outside to see what the problem was. He had come out just in time to see the iceberg hit them. As big as a large house, it had scared Angel more than he would like to admit.  
  
Now people laughed and socialized around him like it was some form of entertainment. But he could feel it. The slight dip in the ship, the stillness of the engine, and the smell of fear the captain and his attendants had given off when they walked by.  
  
The ship was sinking.  
  
His vampire senses on over-drive, Angel knew it to be the truth. They were going down… and fast. An hour, maybe two, and all that was left on the 'Titanic' would be doomed to the frigid water of the Atlantic.  
  
He had to find Buffy. And fast.  
  
  
  
  
  
Buffy buttoned herself into the life vest as best she could, all the while being sure to hide some stakes in it… just in case. Her mother was tapping her foot impatiently when she finally emerged from her room.  
  
Grabbing her hand, Joyce nodded at Giles and the three of them made their way up, towards the boat deck. Buffy couldn't help but let out a little shocked gasp when she spied the crewmen actually uncovering the boats.  
  
Would they really have to do this? The ship was so warm, so large, so full of life… and the ocean, she shivered, the ocean was black. It was nothing. It didn't make sense.  
  
Leaning over she looked at Giles who was wearing a troubled expression. "Just a drill, huh?"  
  
He tried to smile at her. Failed miserably. "This ship is unsinkable," he managed to choke out.  
  
Apparently, that's what most of the other passengers thought as well. Most of them milled about, still wearing their eveningwear underneath their life vests. Some were grumbling about having to be dragged from their warm beds in the middle of the night. Some were joking and laughing, like this was an everyday occurrence.  
  
There was no panic. No worry. Everything was fine.  
  
"Perhaps," Giles said to Buffy and Joyce, "they just need to put us into life boats in order to make the necessary repairs. I'm sure that we'll be back on the ship in no time."  
  
Joyce nodded bravely and gripped Buffy's hand. "See? There's nothing to be afraid of, dear. We'll stick together."  
  
Buffy looked around frantically, seeing plenty of people, but not the person that she wanted to see the most. "I don't know where Angel is."  
  
Joyce gave her a reassuring smile. "If he's as wonderful as you say he is… then he'll find you."  
  
Biting her lip to keep tears away, Buffy gripped her mother's hand. "I hope that you're right."  
  
When the first boat was uncovered and the shrill cries of, "Women and children first!" rang out, Buffy got a sinking feeling in her gut.  
  
It wasn't a drill.  
  
Not many people stepped forward. The attendants demanded harshly for women and children, and when the boat was lowered, Buffy was sure that there were only eleven or twelve women on a boat that looked like it was made for seventy.  
  
Giles nodded towards the boat that was being lowered into the ocean. "I think it would be best if you and your mother were to get on a boat right away."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "I'll wait. I'm not leaving without you or Angel."  
  
"We'll follow behind in another boat," Giles reassured softly.  
  
Eye's blazing Buffy glared at him. "I'm waiting. I'm not leaving here until I have Angel by my side, and I won't hesitate to hurt anyone that tries and stops me."  
  
"I'm waiting too." Joyce declared firmly.  
  
Buffy stared at her in shock. "No, mom, get into a boat."  
  
Joyce gave her daughter an incredulous look. "Don't be silly! If you think that I'm leaving this ship without you, you better guess again!"  
  
"Mother!"  
  
"I'm serious, Buffy," Joyce warned. "You're my only daughter. I'm not leaving here without you by *my* side."  
  
Buffy was about to protest but the warning look in her mother's eye closed her mouth. Sighing, she wrapped her arms around herself. It was a cold night, and she dreaded the idea of going out into the Atlantic.  
  
  
  
Slight panic rose in Angel's throat when he hurried to his stateroom to find that she wasn't there. Her scent still lingered freshly by, so he knew that he must have just missed her. Cursing himself inwardly, he fought off the wave of guilt that crashed into him when he thought about her waking all alone. Knowing that it wasn't the time for such thoughts, Angel pushed them out of his head and concentrated on finding her.  
  
He didn't have any better luck trying to find her in her room. By this time, most people had been evacuated, and the hall was eerily silent. Silent, but for the sound of water that Angel's vampire hearing allowed him to hear the water pooling in the lower decks of the 'Titanic' and rapidly climbing the levels to where he was standing.  
  
Closing his eyes, Angel did his best to block out the noises. His priority was to find Buffy. The only thing that mattered was that she got off the ship unharmed. Everything else… was just details.  
  
He was sure that he had just missed her by minutes again, and he could clearly smell the fear that she had been giving off before she left for the boat deck. She was scared.  
  
And he wasn't there to make her feel better.  
  
Guilt rose in his throat, and his resolve to find her strengthened. Running, he sprinted down the hall, his only hope of finding her lay in concentrating on her scent when he reached the boat deck.  
  
A sudden noise made him stop and, turning, he found a familiar figure huddled against a stateroom door, with his knees hugged against his chest. His life vest was sprawled on the floor next to his feet, as if cast away in disgust.  
  
"Xander," Angel breathed.  
  
Xander turned, and looked at him with haunted eyes. A mirthless laugh escaped his throat. "Figures. I'm going to spend the last minutes of my life with you."  
  
Angel stared at him in confusion. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"What are any of us doing here?" Xander replied as a non-answer.  
  
Angel stared at him like he had grown two heads. He wondered why he was still standing here, since he was losing time looking for Buffy, but his conscience forced him to remain. "You *should* be out at the boat deck."  
  
Another laugh came out of the young man. "Over one hundred years old… and, yet, so naïve."  
  
Angel gave him a questioning look, then sighing turned his back, realizing that it was useless to try and talk to Xander when he should be looking for Buffy. "Whatever," he muttered.  
  
Angel was halfway down the hall when Xander's voice rang out again. "It doesn't matter," he yelled, "you're not getting off this ship alive."  
  
Turning, Angel glared at him. "Is that a threat?" he growled.  
  
Xander gave a sick smile that had Angel cringing. "You just don't get it."  
  
"Don't get what?"  
  
"There aren't enough. No man over the age of sixteen is going to make it off the 'Titanic' alive."  
  
Sick fear clogged in Angel's throat. "You don't know what you're saying."  
  
"I do. I'm going to die tonight," Xander tried to smile again, but failed miserably. "I'm going to die tonight. I'm never going to see Willow again… I'm never going to win the girl of my dreams," he looked at Angel with pained eyes. "I'm never going to be able to make a fool of myself again."  
  
Fear was replaced with dread. Dread, that he knew too well what Xander was talking about. "You don't know that," Angel said harshly. "Yes, the ship is sinking… but you can get off it. Go up to the boat deck."  
  
Xander stood on wobbly legs. He reached down and fetched his life vest. Throwing it down the hall he smiled with satisfaction when Angel caught it. "You're going to need that."  
  
"Xander… why?"  
  
The haunted look returned to the youth's eyes. "There are three thousand people on this ship. It will be a stroke of luck if half that number manages to survive."  
  
"There aren't enough life boats," Angel whispered with sudden realization. "Woman and children first…." A new fear crept into his eyes, "Buffy… I'm not going to leave this ship sitting next to her."  
  
Xander nodded. "Obviously not as stupid as he looks."  
  
"But… why? On a ship this size… why?"  
  
He shrugged. "This ship is unsinkable… is it not?"  
  
Angel looked at him with newfound sadness. "I'm sorry Xander. I've lived a long time… you… you don't deserve this."  
  
Xander sighed and looked at the ground. "Don't I know it." Looking up at Angel, he held out two white pieces of paper in a shaky hand. "Could you… could you try and survive… for her? At least do it for Buffy. I think… I think she needs it."  
  
Angel moved forward and took the two envelopes that Xander was holding. "Who are they for?"  
  
Xander pointed to the thicker one. "That one's for my mom. Diane Harris. She was so excited when she found out I was going to be working on the grand 'Titanic." Faltering for a minute, Xander paused to collect himself before pointing to the thinner envelope. "For Willow. Tell her… tell her I'm sorry."  
  
Angel nodded and grasped Xander's hand. "She okay?" he asked, his voice gruff.  
  
"Yeah… I made sure that she was going to find a boat before coming back down here." Xander shook his hand. "I'm glad that she'll be okay. Buffy, too. I know that you'll make sure she gets into a boat."  
  
Angel was suddenly reluctant to leave him. "Why don't you come? Try and get a boat… at least try."  
  
Xander thought about it before shaking his head. "Naw. Too much work." Grinning he slapped Angel on the shoulder. "Getting sentimental for me, aren't ya? Well, that's okay. I guess we all know who the *real* man is."  
  
"You're a brave man, Xander Harris."  
  
He snorted. "If I wasn't practically pissing myself with fear… I'd agree with you a whole lot more."  
  
Knowing he couldn't say anything more, and knowing Xander didn't want his pity, Angel turned and slowly made his way towards the Grand Staircase. Xander went in the opposite direction—toward the sounds of gurgling water.  
  
"Where are you going?" Angel asked, without turning.  
  
"My shipmates are here… somewhere. I'm not about to abandon them," Xander replied, still walking in the direction of certain doom.  
  
Angel was filled with remorse at letting him go… and hopelessness knowing that he couldn't do anything but let him go.  
  
  
  
Monday April 15th, 1912  
  
Buffy had faced gruesome demons, she had spent nights in graveyards waiting for the dead to rise, and she had dusted her first vamp when she was only 15. Still, nothing in the world could have prepared her for this moment.  
  
The same false cheer was still reflected in all the passenger's faces. It was just a drill. They would be back in their beds in no time at all. One person even had the guts to wander around asking if the safes were going to be opened, so she wouldn't have to leave all her jewelry behind.  
  
Still, there were pale faces all around, and as the band started to play a mournful tune, people began to believe their words less and less.  
  
"Woman and children first!" cried the crewmen, while still loading up the lifeboats with what seemed to be a very low number.  
  
Joyce clung to her daughter's arm, as if to make sure she didn't go running off without her. "Do you want to go wait in the gymnasium?"  
  
Buffy shivered. It was a chilly night. And the gymnasium looked so warm… she shook her head. "No I have to stay in case I see anyone I… Willow!"  
  
Shaking herself out of her mother's grip, Buffy charged after the redhead who was in the process of getting onto a lifeboat. Before Willow could step in, Buffy grabbed her and pulled her into a crushing hug.  
  
"Willow! I'm so glad that you're okay!" Buffy pulled back slightly and looked at her with relief. "I was so worried about you."  
  
Willow tried to smile bravely but failed miserably. "I'm okay… I… Xander…"  
  
Buffy felt a cold sense of dread. "What about Xander?"  
  
Grabbing her hands, Willow looked at her. "Don't leave this ship without Angel."  
  
"I wasn't planning on it."  
  
"I'm serious, Buffy. Don't."  
  
"What's going on?" Buffy managed to choke out.  
  
Willow looked sadly at the lifeboat that she had been about to step into. It was slowly being lowered to the ocean. "I promised him that I would get on a boat."  
  
Confused, Buffy followed her gaze and watched as the boat was lowered to the water. "Tell me again why that's a bad thing."  
  
Willow thought about it before answering. "I've known Xander forever. My whole life. He's picked on me… been a complete moron to me… but he's always been there for me. He always stuck up for me. And he made me promise to get on a boat."  
  
"Willow…"  
  
"He made me promise to get on a boat without him." Fear shone in her eyes when Buffy looked at her. "I might never see him again."  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Willow! You don't know that. I'm sure he's just making sure that everyone's getting off the ship fine. He'll get into a boat. You'll see him again."  
  
The redhead's face softened at Buffy's obvious naiveté. Smiling a little for her sake, Willow just hugged her again. "Don't forget what I told you about Angel."  
  
Buffy watched with obvious confusion as Willow gave her a little wave as she boarded the next boat that was uncovered. The crewman that had let her on gave Buffy a questioning look, and she shrugged moving back into the crowd.  
  
Willow's warning jarred her. There was something the girl hadn't told her, and Buffy wished that she knew where it was. Finding her mother, she took her hand and led her into the gymnasium. "Stay."  
  
Joyce raised her eyebrows. "What am I? A dog?"  
  
"Mother, I'm serious. I'm going to find Angel." Buffy said with resolve.  
  
"Then I'm coming with you," her mother declared.  
  
Buffy put a forceful hand on her shoulder to restrain her movement. "No, mom, you're staying here. I'm going to find him. And I'm going to come back here to find you in the exact same place that I left you. Understand?"  
  
"Buffy, dear, don't be si—"  
  
"I'm not being silly," Buffy interrupted sharply. "I'm being sensible. I can't worry about both of you. Mom, I'm not leaving here until I find him. The more time you spend arguing with me, the more time we're wasting."  
  
Joyce stared at her for a minute as if trying to decide whether or not it was worth it to argue. "Fine. I'll stay here."  
  
Buffy managed a thin smile. "Thanks." Leaning up, Buffy pressed a kiss to her mother's cheek. "Wait for me."  
  
Joyce nodded. "And Buffy?"  
  
Buffy turned to look back at her with questions in her eyes.  
  
"Find him, will you?"  
  
"If it's the last thing I do," Buffy muttered under her breath.  
  
  
  
  
  
As Buffy walked down the Grand Staircase, she couldn't help but notice the men that sat there; just drinking like it was a normal Monday morning. Again she got the feeling that these people knew something that she didn't.  
  
'Why are they just sitting here?' she thought frantically. 'Why aren't they getting into a boat?'  
  
It wasn't just a drill anymore… of that there was a general consensus. Giles was away trying to find out as much as he could. How long they had left, if there was a boat coming for them, and, finally, why the ship was sinking.  
  
Buffy was halfway down the Grand Staircase when she saw *him* and all thoughts and worries vanished from her head as she ran down the last few steps and threw herself into his waiting arms.  
  
Angel held her tight, rubbing her back and trying to soothe the immediate tremble that shook her body now that she had found him.  
  
"Oh my god," Buffy cried, "I was so worried about you."  
  
"I know," he whispered, "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to wake up like—"  
  
Before Angel could finish his sentence, Buffy burst into tears. Pulling away from him she managed to slap him pitifully on the arm. Still, he couldn't help but cringe a little. She was the slayer after all.  
  
"Don't do that to me again!" she yelped through her tears. "Do you know what it was like? I woke up… and you were gone… and the ship," her breath caught for a minute and she tried to stop her sobbing. "The ship is sinking."  
  
Angel pulled her into his arms again. "I know, love, it's sinking."  
  
Fearful, she looked at him, blinking her eyes furiously. "Are you sure?"  
  
Angel thought of the constant roaring of water he could hear getting closer. He thought of the way that Xander had looked before they had parted ways. And he held her a little tighter. "The 'Titanic' is sinking."  
  
"I knew there wasn't something right about this ship," Buffy muttered, her tears having slowed.  
  
"I'm sorry," Angel said again.  
  
"I know," she sniffed. "I just… I can't stand the thought of something happening to you. I… god Angel… I love you… so much."  
  
Angel swallowed stiffly. "I love you, too."  
  
She traced the curve of his face diligently, and looked at him with a small smile on her lips. "When I think about my life before I met you… I don't know how I did it. I don't think that I could live without you."  
  
Angel closed his eyes, and pulled abruptly away from her. "You need to get into a boat."  
  
Buffy stared at him with a worried frown on her face. "What is it?"  
  
"Nothing." To reassure her, he grabbed her hand and led her towards the boat deck.  
  
They were halfway up the Grand Staircase when Buffy stopped suddenly. "Oh my god," she mumbled, "Angel, the stairs…."  
  
Angel didn't say anything. He knew what she meant. Even if he hadn't been a vampire with supernatural senses, he would have felt the tilt of the stairs.  
  
Once they reached the boat deck, Buffy stopped suddenly and turned around to face him. "What's going on?" she asked sharply.  
  
He avoided her eyes. "Nothing," he mumbled again.  
  
Buffy shook her head beginning to get angry. "Don't lie to me, Angel," she hissed. "There's something that you're not telling me."  
  
Angel stared at her helplessly. "Buffy… please…"  
  
"You're scaring me," she took his hand and held it tightly. "First I'm awakened in the middle of the night by some noise… and then my lover is gone. Then I realize that something has hit the ship and my lover is still gone. Then suddenly we're all being EVACUATED and I still CAN'T FIND YOU! And then I do find you and I'm incredibly relieved because I NEED your support, but NO there's something going on and you WON'T TELL ME!" Buffy stood, breathing hard, tears threatening her vision.  
  
Angel sighed sadly. "Buffy…" he murmured trying to pull her into his arms.  
  
She pressed her hand to his chest. "No," she said firmly. "Not until you tell me what's going on."  
  
Angel nodded. "Okay." Leaning forward, he couldn't help but press a small kiss to her lips.  
  
"Angel!" she scolded. "Tell."  
  
"I think," he began after considering her for a moment, "I'm not positive… but I'm pretty sure that there aren't enough lifeboats for everyone on the ship."  
  
Buffy turned her head and looked at the lifeboat that was being filled up to maybe two thirds of its total capacity. New dread sprang to life in her stomach. "How many people won't be able to get off?" she whispered, mouth dry.  
  
Angel followed her gaze and made a sound of disgust upon seeing the numbers in the boats. "Maybe… if we're really lucky… half will get to safety."  
  
'Half?" Buffy thought in panic. 'HALF? On a ship this size???' "That's… that's crazy." Sudden fear crept into her ears when she realized the meaning of his words. It all made sense. The men drinking themselves to a frenzy and waiting patiently in their chairs, the words that Willow had said to her before. It all meant… it all meant that…. Buffy stared at Angel with a horrified expression.  
  
"You… you're not going to be getting on a lifeboat."  
  
TBC 


	11. Eleven

Monday April 15, 1912

Buffy remembered a time when she was a little girl. She was always adventurous, and always getting into trouble. She used to love to twirl around in her little dresses. Spinning and watching her dress flare out around her would keep her mesmerized. One time, when she stopped twirling, the ground had been moving so fast. Spinning… and she reached out a hand to touch it, but it kept going, and she lost her balance.

Falling… the world spun around her and she couldn't hold on.

She felt a little like that now. Here, on the decks of the 'Titanic', as it shot closer and closer to its final doom. 

The cold, blackness of the ocean.

And Angel would go down with it.

She could barely look at him… she knew that she was spinning and if she reached out to grab him… he wouldn't be there. 

"What… what did you say?" she practically choked on the words. 

"I…" Angel trailed off, knowing that he couldn't lie to her. Staring at her helplessly, he shrugged.

She shook her head. "No. NO! That's crazy. You at least have to try… I mean, look at the people in the lifeboats, there's barely anyone getting in. I saw them letting in some men before, maybe you could go on one… I mean it shouldn't be that hard…" Buffy babbled, eyes wide.

"Buffy… it's okay," he interrupted gently.

She stared at him with her mouth agape. "It is certainly NOT okay! How can you just stand there and tell me that it's okay?"

"Look, love, I'm not sure but I think that I can still…"

"You think that a ship will rescue us?" she asked in a hopeful voice. "Maybe there isn't a lifeboat shortage! Whom did you hear this from?"

"A pretty reliable source." Buffy frowned and opened her mouth. Angel rushed to continue, "Buffy, you need to calm down…"

"Yes," interjected a gruff voice.

Buffy looked up suddenly. "Giles!" she exclaimed. Reaching out, she hugged him. Pulling away, she put on her best slayer poker face. "What do we know?"  
  


Giles avoided her eyes. "Angel's right… there aren't enough boats."

Buffy stared at him for a moment. She didn't want to believe. She didn't want to. She didn't want to. "Oh," was all she said.

Angel and Giles exchanged a meaningful glance over the top of her head. "Buffy… I realize that this may be a bit of a shock, but you need to remain calm. There are things we can do… it isn't lost for Angel and I."

She shook her head, images of herself falling as a girl. "Yeah? Like what?"

Angel swallowed. "Buffy, I'm a vampire."

Buffy stared at him, not sure what he was trying to say. "You're going to suck everyone in your way dry?" she asked doubtfully.

Angel looked at Giles and shrugged. "I mean… I'm fairly strong. I've never heard of a vampire jumping in to the Atlantic before, but for the most part I'm fairly immune to most temperatures…"

Giles frowned, thoughtful. "I suppose that's true. However, there is no telling what prolonged effects to being exposed to those kinds of temperatures could do."

"Just because I can't feel it doesn't mean it isn't doing anything," Angel mused. 

Giles nodded. "Precisely. But being a vampire I'm sure that you have a much better chance of surviving a long period of time exposed to frigid water than most people."

Buffy watched the exchange, head turning back in forth. "Wait!" she commanded harshly. Two pairs of eyes looked in her direction. "You're telling me that Angel, because he's all supernaturally, or whatever, can survive in those kinds of temperatures better than most people?"

"That's assuming that a ship doesn't come to rescue us in time," Giles responded. Buffy rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed glare. "But, yes," he answered. "That's the gist of it."

Buffy nodded and folded her arms over her chest. "Then it's all settled. I'll put my mother on a boat, Giles will sneak on the same one, and then, I, as the slayer and a supernatural creature, will stay here with Angel and we'll both brave the cold waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Together."

Angel and Giles stared at her like she had just claimed to jump off the Eiffel tower. 

Buffy stood. Arms folded over her chest, eyes glaring, poster ramrod straight, she silently dared them to argue.

Angel got there first. "You can't be serious!"

She snorted and advanced on him. "You don't think I'm serious?" Angel took a step back, and Buffy came at him, jabbing a finger into his chest. "You don't think I'm serious. Because I'm just a little girl who doesn't know what she wants. Well you know what, Angel? If you think I'm going to be a good little obedient girl and let you sacrifice yourself without me, you have another thing coming." 

Giles grabbed her arm, and tried to pull her away from Angel. Buffy shook his hand off easily, really getting angry. "You can't just make decisions like that and expect everything to be fine! You can't tell me to get on a lifeboat because there's a *chance* that the cold water of the Atlantic won't effect you. You can't do that!"

"Buffy, calm down!" Giles cried, but she ignored him.

"Buffy," Angel said quietly, almost sadly. "Don't be like this."

About to shout at him, Buffy jumped suddenly when a loud noise like the shooting of a cannonball was heard.  Fireballs of light shot up into the sky, and then fell gently into the ocean.

"Rockets," Giles said.

"Look! A SHIP!" A lone voice cried in the crowd, louder and more meaningful then all the others. Silence covered the deck as everyone turned towards the ocean. Buffy turned her head just in time to see the faint twinkle of lights off in the distance. Her body sagged with relief, and grabbing Angel's hand, watched the lights with newfound hope shinning in her eyes. She sucked in a breath as the lights came closer. And closer. And closer.

And away. The ship went away. It wasn't going to rescue them. 

"Oh god," she murmured under her breath. 

Angel squeezed her hand. "I won't let anything happen to you," he promised firmly.

****

Joyce Summers didn't know how long she had been sitting in the gymnasium for. The lights were too bright, the heat too warm, and the smiles too cheery. She wanted out. She wanted her daughter back. She wanted to get back to her warm bed.

None of those things happened.

A laugh rang out from beside her. Cards flew rapidly, drinks were downed, and jokes were told with smiles.

And Buffy still didn't come back.

Joyce was a tiny woman. When asked what was going on, most hired personal patted her hand, assured her it was all right, and urged her to get onto a lifeboat immediately. She was tiny, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that something was terribly wrong.

Knowing that she couldn't stay and do nothing, Joyce put on a brave front. It came easier than she thought it would, nothing at this point could have stopped her from finding her daughter.

As soon as Joyce left the warm shelter of the gym, she almost wished she hadn't. Stepping out onto the cold deck was like stepping into another dimension. Fear, thick, wide, penetrating fear was everywhere. On everyone. Written on faces, written on gestures, and heavy in the air. 

Joyce felt her breath woosh out of her. It was like being crushed by a boulder. Her chest felt heavy, and drawing in a breath was struggle.

Woman cried, holding onto their husbands. Children cried, holding onto their mothers. Joyce jumped when a hysterical woman was forced away from her husband and into a lifeboat. A baby screamed with discomfort as her crying mother tried to rock her to sleep. The band, the band with their shiny new instruments ordered specifically to entertain the first class aboard the 'Titanic', played through it all. Never wavering. The sound could be heard wafting down through the misery and the fear.

Somewhere Buffy was out there. Amongst all that confusion and pain, she was there. And Joyce had to find her. Because she knew, Joyce knew, what it was like to be young and in love. She knew what she had been like when she was Buffy's age. And she knew how stubborn she could be. 

Joyce could feel the fear in her stomach, pooling, collecting, gathering, screaming at for her to find her offspring before it was too late.

Buffy started to cry.

She couldn't help. She didn't want to. She didn't want him to see her cry. She knew that if she cried, she would be weaker. She knew that he wouldn't listen to her as well as if she was calm and collected.

But she cried.

Looking around, seeing woman torn away from their husbands, she could feel their pain all too well. She was scared, more than she could ever remember being in her life.

The world was spinning. And it was getting faster and faster. She could barely see it, much less grab onto it. No stake, no holy water, no strength could help her now. She was the slayer, the chosen one, the one girl in all the world to stand against the forces of darkness. And none of that mattered.

So she cried.

And he held her. So tight. So tight that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to breath, or cry anymore. But she didn't say anything. She let him hold her, let him crush her. She wanted to feel him against her. 

Forever. And never let go.

He rubbed her back, smoothed her hair, made shushing noises in her ear. He could feel her trembling, he could feel her hopelessness. And he wanted it to go away. He wanted to protect her and take her away from all of this. He wanted to promise her that it was going to be all right.

"Don't leave me," she begged. "Please…"

He closed his eyes. And held her. Just held her. 

Giles watched on, face solemn, eyes guilty. He knew he was intruding on something intimate. Knew that this was their time. Their love. But he was her watcher, and he would watch till the bitter end.

Giles wasn't getting off this ship alive. He'd long since realized that. It was a tough realization, and he hated the feeling of giving up. But he didn't even know how to swim, didn't know how to keep his head above water in the pool the 'Titanic' sported. He was going to drown as soon as he hit the water.

He knew that. And he accepted.

But he wasn't, under no circumstances, abandoning this job. He was to guide the slayer. And he would. He was going to make sure that she got off this ship alive.

When Buffy's sobs finished, she turned away from Angel. Giles saw her puffy eyes, saw the depths of blue, and saw misery. There was no more fire, no more warmth. He began to dread it. Perhaps she would make it off the ship alive, but the affects of it might kill her.

Especially if she lost Angel.

The fact jarred him. So little time the two had spent together, yet the importance of it… was so mind boggling. He became her strength, and guidance. She needed him. Giles feared, terribly feared, what the consequences would be if his slayer lost her angel.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and Buffy fixed her haunted gaze upon him. "Please don't ask me to get on this boat and leave you."

Angel seemed to deflate. "Buffy, you need to, the world needs you to."

"No it doesn't!" she cried, but the anger was gone. "It doesn't. One slayer dies, the next one is called."

"It's not going to happen like that!" Giles burst in, causing Buffy to jump. "Not you, Buffy. You're going to grow old and die in a warm bed."

She stared at him. "Not like I don't put my life on the line every night, Giles." She turned and looked at Angel helplessly. "Don't you see? If I go with you we have a chance, together. If you don't make it… I'll die anyway."

Angel stared at her for a beat of silence. It scared him, the intensity of her gaze. The love that he saw deep and fierce in her eyes. No one had ever cared about him like that before. It scared him because he knew what he felt for her, and there was no way, no way, that he was going to let her stay on this ship as it sank.

"No," he said, his voice deathly firm. His eyes were hard, determined. He wasn't going to let her persuade him. "You're getting onto a lifeboat."

"He's right, you know."

Buffy looked up. "Mom! What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to wait in the gym?" The slayer's voice held a funny pitch, her words were spoken slowly. She trembled a little like she was in danger of losing a hard worked upon control.

Joyce's eyes flashed. "I came to find you. What are we doing? Why aren't we on a lifeboat?"

Buffy gestured around her in a helpless sigh. "Mom… please… let me just… figure something out, okay?"

Joyce pretended not to hear. She looked around herself with a darkening expression. "Buffy, this isn't a joke. This is serious. If you don't get on a lifeboat now, you're going to die." Joyce paused, gulped. Looking over, she studied Angel for the first time, and nodded slightly. "Get her off this boat!" she said fiercely.

Angel gave her a long, cold stare. "I'm working on it."

"Um, excuse me?" Buffy shouted. "Standing right here! And, also, perfectly in control of making decisions." 

Angel moved to comfort her but a deathly glare from his love's mother stopped him. Giles took the opportunity and put a restraining arm on his shoulder. "Let me talk to her," he whispered.

Angel considered him for a moment, then slowly backed away. "Okay."

Giles took Buffy by the arm and dragged her away. She scowled but went with him.

Angel and Mrs. Summer were left. Alone. Angel cleared his throat nervously. "Mrs. Summers."

She glared at him suspiciously. This was the man that her daughter had fallen in love with. He looked older than her, she reflected somewhat wearily. Handsome, that was true. He projected a dark aura, though, and Joyce didn't like it. He seemed all too mysterious. Buffy had called him Angel. No last name. Where was his family? Not just anyone had enough money to be able to ride first class.

Angel noticed the slight look of disgust on her face. "I love her, you know," he stated right off the bat. "Although, if you don't mind me saying so, this isn't exactly the right time of be having a discussion about my intentions."

Joyce narrowed her eyes at him. "True," she snapped. "But that doesn't mean we can't have it."

Sighing, the vampire with a soul shifted uncomfortably, wondering why he was being forced into a torture such as this. "This ship is sinking, Mrs. Summers."

She shivered, surprised that Angel had spoken about the situation so bluntly. "I know. Any idiot can tell."

Angel sighed. "There aren't enough lifeboats for everyone to get in."

Joyce's mouth dropped a little, and she regarded him in horror. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," Angel said grimly, "that the only way I'm going to live is to survive out there." He looked out into the ocean and watched half filled lifeboats paddle away from the sinking 'Titanic'. They weren't hanging around, he realized. They weren't going to come back for people who were left to swim in the frigid water. This jolted him, and he needed a minute before looking back at Buffy's mother. "And the only way to survive out there is to have a good enough reason to survive. Such as a woman who's important enough to get back to." And, he thought, a little vampire strength added in.

Joyce sighed and looked down. "Buffy loves you." Angel didn't say anything, just regarded her solemnly. "I hope… I hope that will be enough to hang onto out there."

Angel rewarded her with a half-smile. "It's more than enough."

***

"Buffy, I would have liked to think that I trained you better than this." Giles was trying his best to ignore the slight dip of the ship that was getting noticeable with every passing second. He was trying to ignore the rockets that kept shooting up into the air, in hopes that a ship might see them. And he was also trying to ignore the sense that he was rapidly running out of time.

"What? You mean rushing off to save myself when others are dying?" she snapped. 

"No," he spat, "I taught you to do what was right and not to let your personal feelings effect your decisions."

Her face was angry, determined. "I'm sorry, Giles. I won't leave him… I can't. If that makes me weak, fine. I don't care."

She turned her back on him, clearly signifying that she had made up her mind. Grabbing her arm, he forced her around and looked into her eyes with a growing desperateness. "I don't know how to swim, Buffy. I'm neither a child nor a woman. The 'Titanic' will go into the ocean sooner than we think, and I will be going down with it. Now you will stop being stubborn and listen to me!"

Buffy gulped, shocked at the outburst, shocked at the reality that he presented before her. "Then… it only seems fair that I go down with—"

"My duty," he interrupted sharply, "is to watch the slayer. Guide her, and give her the information she needs to survive as long as possible. It is not my job to bring her down with me."

"I can't do this, Giles!" she finally cried. "I can't go out there without you and Angel. I can't live in a world where I'm all alone."

He softened and loosened the grip on her arm. "You won't be alone," he said firmly. "You'll have to take care of your mother. Or, perhaps," he mused, "she will have to take care of you."

Buffy blinked back tears. "My mother is strong…"

"She's strong for *you*. Without you… who knows?"

"I can't go out there not knowing what will happen to him…" she murmured, almost to herself.

Giles gave a little smile knowing whom she was referring to. "He loves you, Buffy."

 "I know." She sighed, "I can't… I don't know…"

He nodded. "I understand." Giles looked out at the people shivering and crowding the boat deck. "You can't save any of these people, but by saving yourself, as the slayer, you will save many more."

"Until I die… without my lover or my watcher." Numb, Buffy followed her watcher's gaze. All those people… they might all die, freeze to death, in only a couple hours. People she knew, people she loved. They would die. And she would be expected to go on to save others. Alone. In the end, slayers would always be alone. 

"Give Angel a chance. I believe that he will do what is necessary to get back to you." Giles reassured.

"He'd have a better chance if I was with him."

"Then he would be forced into having to worry about your safety as well as his own," Giles argued. "Angel's strong, and his will to get back to you is stronger. And as long as he knows your safe, he will be able to remain calm."

Buffy quietly listened to what Giles told her. He was right, she knew. It would be easier for Angel to go on if he didn't need to worry about her. "But then I would have to worry about him," she whispered, "I won't be able to remain calm."

Giles took her hand, squeezed it. "And that's why you love him." 

***

When Buffy and Giles slowly walked back to them, Angel noticed that she was pale. He could tell, just from the way she chewed her lip nervously, that Giles had gotten through to her. Buffy would get on a lifeboat. Looking into her pale face, and haunted gaze, Angel wasn't sure whether or not it was a good thing.

But at least she would be safe.

If anyone could be considered safe, he reflected darkly. Being out in the middle of the ocean was preferable to being out in the middle of the ocean in a sinking ship. But(,) not by a whole lot.

Buffy took a deep breath and looked at her mother, trying her best to avoid Angel's penetrating stare. "We need to get on a lifeboat, Mom," she said, trying her best to sound cheerful.

Joyce gave a crisp nod. "Good."

Buffy tried to give her mother a mock glare, but it fell short. "I hope that you were nice to him while Giles and I were talking."

Angel reached over to take Buffy's hand. "Of course she was nice. I think it runs in the Summers' blood."

Buffy rewarded him with a small smile. "I'm not happy about this, you know," she whispered."

"I know."

Buffy still wouldn't look at him. "What if…" she swallowed, "I know you say you can't feel temperatures acutely… but what if…"

"I freeze to death?" Angel answered stoically.

She closed her eyes, hating the sound of those words. "I guess."

Angel moved backward with the intent of moving out of the ear shot of his slayer's mother and watcher, but before he could, he found himself interrupted. 

By Riley Finn.  
  


Despite dire circumstances, despite the fact that he was about to say good-bye to Buffy, despite the fact that he may very well die within the next couple of hours, Angel still couldn't quite keep away his sneer. Riley didn't notice. Instead he stopped in front of Buffy huffing and puffing like he had just run a hundred miles.

"Buffy…" he wheezed. Glancing over, his eyes fell on Joyce, "Mrs. Summers. I have news…" he paused for breath, "I have news. I feel it my duty to report that you women will want to get onto a lifeboat as soon as possible."

"Really?" Angel growled dangerously.

Riley looked at him, squinted. "The ship is sinking!"

"Thank you, Riley," Joyce quietly interjected, "we realize that—"

"And there aren't enough lifeboats!" he added triumphantly.

Four pairs of eyes stared at him like he was parading around the deck and singing in his underwear.

Buffy found her voice first. "You're right, Riley," she managed to stutter politely. "The ship *is* sinking." Her eyes softened as she regarded him. "Go… go spend some time with your parents, okay?"

Riley blinked at her. "You're not grateful that I gave you this news?"

Angel stepped in front of Buffy. "Finn," he spat like it was some kind of evil word, "I suggest you leave. Now."

"Angel… don't…"

Angel didn't even turn around at the sound of Buffy's voice. "We have some unfinished business, boy," he drawled. 

Riley puffed up his chest. "You better be careful, someone might mistake you for an evil creature."

The vampire snorted. "If that someone is you, I don't really have all that much to worry about."

Riley bristled. "I'd be careful about what you say, *old man*."

Angel let out a low growl. "What? Are you going to give me the same stunning performance as the last time we met?" 

Joyce leaned over to whisper in Buffy's ear. "Dear, I believe that they're fighting over you."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Naww…."

Riley looked at Buffy. "Do you want me to turn this guy to dust for you?"

Buffy sighed and looked at her mother. "Maybe just a little."

Giles ticked his eyes to his watch in a warning, and Buffy suddenly remembered their dire circumstances. Groaning under her breath, she took a step between the two men. "Both of you shut up!" she shouted, looking at Angel, "I would have expected better from you!" Glancing at Riley she scowled at him as well. "And you! You come here to tell us that we need to get into a lifeboat and you still get into a fight? If we survive this then you can have your manly brawl… hell, I'll even watch. But now is *not* the time!"

Angel and Riley broke apart with matching guilty faces. Biting her lip in an effort to calm her beating heart, Buffy turned back to Riley. "Go and be with the people that matter most to you," she commanded in a barely controlled voice.

Riley stared at her with a falling expression. "I made sure that Cordelia got onto a boat."

Buffy managed a small smile. "I'm glad," she said sincerely. 

Riley took a step closer to her, but Angel came to Buffy's side in an instant with a warning look on his face. Riley took a step back. "You should do the same," the commando pointed out quietly.

Buffy grasped Angel's hand. She let out a long, shuddering sigh. "I have to."

Riley looked at the two of them, nodded. Giving a little wave, his turned and disappeared into the crowd. 

"What if we never see him again?" she asked as she watched him go, actually almost afraid of the thought.

Angel gave a wry chuckle. "I think I'm the wrong person to ask that question to."

"I'm serious."

"I don't know, Buffy… I just don't know."

She took that in, accepted it. Turning to look at him, she forced herself not to cry. He was so handsome, and looked so strong. And she was scared… so scared. "I need…" she gulped, "we need to say good-bye."

"No, not good-bye."

"Never good-bye," she amended. "But… maybe, see you later?"

"See you later," he agreed.

Looking up at her mother and her watcher, Buffy tried in vain to hold her panic down. "We're going to talk… be back in a few, okay?"

"Buffy you don't have…" the rest of Giles' words were garbled as another rocket was launched into the sky and exploded. Buffy couldn't help but notice that it was like a hundred little pieces of stars falling down towards the ship. Almost like it was spelling out its final doom. The fall of the 'Titanic' down towards the ocean. 

"A lot of time," she finished for him, once the noise had passed. "I know. Just…" she paused, wiped at her eyes, "give me a chance to say my see you laters, all right?"

He sighed. "Take as much time as you need."

TBC


	12. Twelve

A/N: Sorry that it took me so long to put up this chapter guys. Thanks for all your patience and the great feedback. My beta has been so busy recently that she's only checked this over once… so if it sucks, my greatest apologies. To anyone that still remembers this fic and it still reading… you're the best! 

Angel was worried.

Not so much about himself, he'd lived long enough. He'd seen things that normal people didn't even dream about. He'd seen war and destruction, terror and despair. The sinking of the 'Titanic', quite frankly, almost paled in comparison. 

But this time it was different. This time he cared about someone.  And that…  that changed everything.

The demon in him roared, telling him to kill the woman in front of him, yet it also surged with a fierce desire to protect it's mate, and protect it at all costs. The alternating urges in him filled him with a deepening sense of confusion, and he feared that he was beginning to lose his grip on the most primal and dangerous parts of himself.

But the man, though, and the man whose soul was in charge of the demon, the soul was filled with a fear. A fear of terror, of loss, and of a desperate need to never say goodbye in case it truly was the final time he stood with his life's only love.

"I have something I need to admit," Angel said slowly, as soon as he and Buffy were out of earshot of Giles and her mother. She looked up at him, the tears gone from her eyes, a set line of determination on her face. It was clear that she had made up her mind: she was going to get through this, and she was going to be strong. And Angel loved and admired her for it. 

"What?" she asked, softly, her voice not betraying the worry she immediately felt at his seriousness. 

Angel swallowed. "I watched you." She stared at him, not understanding. "I saw you when you were called, saw the surprise on your face… the confusion. And I knew the loneliness that you would have to face… the pain." 

Buffy's eyes shone with surprise, her earlier fear forgotten for the moment. "Saw… me?" she whispered.

He nodded mutely. "I fell in love with you then," he admitted with some difficulty. "And in that moment," he swallowed, gazing into her eyes, "I vowed to protect you and keep you safe. I wanted… I wanted to make you happy."

She gazed at him; eyes shinning with unshed tears, her pain obvious in the slight quiver of her lips. Sniffling, she went into his arms, her grip so tight it was painful. "Oh Angel," she sobbed, "don't do this! Don't do this!"

"Don't do what?" he asked gently, a little confused.

"Make it harder!" she wailed, burying her face against his large chest. "I don't know if I can do this… don't know if I can leave knowing that was the last nice thing you'll ever say to me," she sniffed, words slightly muffled.

Angel pulled slightly away to look into her tear stained face. Touching her cheek, he shook his head. "No, I want you to know how much strength you've given me."

She kept shaking her head, as if in denial. "I can't listen to this…"

"I have a reason for fighting, Buffy. I have a reason to live. To help people. To help *you*. I can… I can be good. I want to come out of this alive, for the first time I care about what happens to me."

Buffy sniffled a couple more times, and stared up at him, all words dying in her throat. Angel seemed to understand and just held her against him. And they stayed like that. Two people who loved each other, holding on because it could be the last time they got the chance. Angel's hands moved in a constant rhythm, over her back, through her hair, down her neck. Buffy just held on to him, letting out occasional sobs and feeling like if she held on long enough she would wake up two hours earlier and be lying peacefully in his arms.

Finally, she pulled away. "But we can't know!" she insisted, feeling another wave of helplessness. "We don't know if the water will do to you! We don't know that it won't kill you! We don't know anything!"

"Shhh," he soothed, "it's okay."

"It's not okay! It's NOT!"

"We don't know, Buffy," he said firmly. Tilting her chin up, he made her look him in the eye.   "We don't know," he repeated, "we can't. But that doesn't mean that I won't try, it doesn't mean that I won't do whatever I can to get back to you."

"Then why can't you get into a lifeboat?" she pleaded, whimpered almost, like a little child trying one last time to get her way.

He sighed, and looked away from her. "You know the answer to that."

"Well, I don't like the answer," she snapped, hating that she was taking her anger of the unfair situation out on him.

He gave her a small, patient smile. "You don't have to like the answer."

She sighed, looked at the ground. "But I have to live with it anyway."

"I'm sorry… I wish… I wish there was something I could do to make it all better."

She felt despair, raw and fresh. She thought she was prepared to say good-bye, she thought she could leave the ship never knowing if she would see him again. But she was wrong, so wrong. 

She wasn't prepared to have to leave him. 

"I wish you could make it better, too," she said, voice raw with emotion. "But you can't… you can't. It doesn't matter how much we've already suffered because of fate, it will continue to make things harder. And there isn't anything that we can do."

Angel watched her, pain in his eyes. "Shhh… don't…." Finally beginning to feel incredible helplessness, Angel leaned forward, pressing a small soft kiss to her lips.

It could be the last one they ever shared.

Buffy, as if echoing his thoughts, trembled and tried to press herself even tighter against him. "I'm scared," she admitted, in a soft voice.

"I know."

"I didn't know it was possible… you know, you don't go fighting hell creature after hell creature without developing a backbone." 

"This is different," he pointed out. "You can't fight this. You can't save other people. You only have one choice, whether or not to get on to a lifeboat to save yourself."

She listened to him quietly. He was right, she knew. That was what made this so different. She couldn't fight her way out of it. She couldn't push the anger down by her resolution to go beat up some baddies. 

A lone tear trailed down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed. "I don't want to cry…"

Lifting her chin up, Angel looked deep into her eyes and wiped away the tear with his thumb. "Don't apologize." Mesmerized by the deep gaze he was training upon her, Buffy could do nothing but nod her head. "Don't even say sorry for showing me what you're feeling." 

Blinking back tears, she bit her lip shakily. "Okay."

He looked away from her for a moment, obviously deep in thought. "It's nice to know that there's someone that cares enough to confide in me."

Buffy bit her lip, mulling over a question. "Angel, why haven't you ever looked… for someone before?"

"I don't know," shrugging, he regarded her seriously. "I guess I never felt that I deserved it."

"But you're so good," she protested, grabbing onto his hands. "I'm so lucky to have you."

He shook his head, knowing that deep in his heart he would never feel as if he deserved this treasure put in front of him. "Maybe it was because no one ever gave me a reason before," he murmured.

Buffy shook her head. "You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Talking like we're never going to see each other again. I don't want this to be like that…"

He sadly looked into her eyes. Watching the way they looked at him with love… trust. A slayer trusting a vampire. It was so… ironic.

"Buffy," he whispered, almost as if he was afraid of his next words, "we might never see each other again. I can't help talking that way."

She pulled away from him sharply, turned her back, faced the ocean. He couldn't see her but knew she was trying to compose herself. He heard a few deep, long, shuddering breaths before she turned back around to look at him.

"I was scared when I first met you," she said, not being able to look him the eye. "I didn't understand how I could fall so hard, so fast." She continued staring intently at the floor of the ship, "But now… I just want to spend all my time with you…" choking up, she stared morosely down the length of the ship, trying not to concentrate on the way the bow kept getting closer… and closer to the water.

 Suddenly Angel knew why she had been so greatly disturbed when he started saying his words of good-bye. It *hurt*. He thought he couldn't feel any worse. Didn't know there was a pain worse than forcing her onto a lifeboat. But he suddenly realized that the first really *good* thing to EVER happen to him might be taken away… forever. 

He pulled her close against him again, whether in an effort to comfort her… or stop her torrent of painful words, he didn't know. 

She burrowed against him. Whishing so badly that she could just stay against his large frame. Wished she could let him shelter her, keep her warm, protect her. Forever. She knew how terrible that sounded. But she felt so weak… so lost… so helpless. "Can I just stay here? Can I forget about all this?"

Rubbing her back soothingly, Angel closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"Mmmm, that I'm perfectly safe and you're going to love me forever," she whispered.

"I love you, *nothing* can change that… not even death."

She pulled away from him, shock written on her face. "Don't say that!"

"Buffy… I can't promise anything, I just want to make sure that you know the way I feel about you..."

She shook her head, realizing that her resolution to not start crying just broke. Tears streamed down her cheeks, hot and salty. They showed the pain, the pain that everyone on the ship was feeling at that very moment. She suddenly felt that she shared a deep bond with all those leaving their loved one's on this frightful Monday morning. There were so many others trying to be strong. But, just like her, they all failed. And they all cried. 

In that moment, Buffy felt more like a normal girl than she ever had before, and probably ever would again.

Angel let her cry, fighting down the urge to kiss away her tears. She needed it, he knew. While she didn't like showing her helplessness, he knew that she needed to show her deep feelings of loss. Leaning into his arms, Angel did the only thing he could… he held her.

After a few minutes, he pulled away just enough to look her into her eyes.  She could see deep regret written on the features of his face, and she began to quiver. "Angel…?" She asked in question, though she already knew the answer.

He gulped. "It's time."

She shook her head. "No… it's not… it's not enough time." 

"It won't ever be," he whispered sadly. "You need to do this."

"I don't," she threw her arms around his neck, buried her face against him. "I don't… let me stay with you."  
  


Painfully, aware at how his heart shattered with every passing moment, Angel carried Buffy to where Joyce and Giles were waiting. Setting Buffy down, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You need to get into a lifeboat."

Not having enough energy to argue, she allowed her mother to wrap her arm around her shoulder. Slowly, almost slow enough to make Buffy want to scream, her mother led her towards the lifeboat. She saw other woman, having to be pulled in, some of them carried, as the moment it came to step off the comfort of the warm ship proved to be too much, and they lost all strength. As her mother led her towards the lifeboat, Buffy's knees began to shake and she thought for a fleeting moment that perhaps she would have to be one of the ones needing to be lifted into the boat.

But then Giles put a hand on her arm, stopping their walk towards the boat. Relieved, Buffy realized that she had to go on the boat with a strong constitution. She *wouldn't* fall apart.

Giles led the slayer and the slayer's mother over to the officer in charge of lowering the boat. Giles formally shook his hand. Buffy resisted the urge to snort. It figured, she was gone for a whole five minutes, and her watcher was already making friends with the crew.

"Buffy, this is 2nd officer Lightoller," Giles said, and despite grave circumstances seemed almost in awe of him.

Lightoller nodded politely towards Buffy. "Mr. Fleet and Quartermaster Hitchens are both very experienced crewman, you and your mother will be quite safe in boat number 6."

Buffy blinked, smiled like she had heard him. She hadn't. And, honestly, didn't really care. Officer Lightoller dismissed them, moving on to the next passenger.

Buffy gulped. This was really it. She turned around, panicked when she didn't see Angel immediately. As if sensing her distress, he was at her side in an instant, grasping her hand in reassurance.

He kissed her, long, hard, trying to put all of his feelings into that one last kiss. When he pulled away, Buffy was surprised to see tears shinning in his eyes. "You're going to be fine," he murmured, and Buffy wasn't sure if he was trying to make himself, or her feel better.

She supposed it didn't matter; nothing could make her feel better at this point. Then Giles hugged her, tightly. And she squeezed him back, beginning to cry. "You're the best Watcher a Slayer could ever have," she whispered.

He pulled away from her, a proud look on his face. "And I can only hope all other watcher's got this lucky with their slayers."

"Giles…" she trailed off wanting to apologize for all the times that she had driven him crazy, all the times that she hadn't followed his rules. She wanted to tell him how she considered him to be more of a father and mentor than anyone else in her life. But her throat clogged, and she felt like gagging. 

As if sensing what she wanted to say, he lay a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. You're the daughter I never had… I just want you to know that. I certainly don't have any regrets."

She sniffed, drew in a deep breath. "I'm going to miss you."

He smiled. "I should hope so. But you'll go on, you always do."

Buffy turned away, not sure that she could take it anymore. Then her eyes came to rest on Angel. Who was talking with her mother, almost like he was reassuring her. If it had been any other time, she would have found the moment sweet, her love and her mother getting along. As it was, though, it only helped to increase her worry. She knew they were only being so respectful because of the life and death emergency.

Buffy resisted the urge to throw up. But her stomach was empty, painfully empty, and she knew that there wouldn't be anything to up chuck. Lightholler yelled that the boat was about to be lowered away, and before Buffy had time to react her mother was again pulling her towards the lifeboat.

She shook, knowing that she wasn't ready to say good-bye, but also knowing that she would never be ready. Her legs were numb, they would barely moved, and it took all of her strength to take that last step into the boat. She fell on one of the seats, trembling. The moment that she left the 'Titanic' the fear grew worse. Leaving the big, warm ship couldn't really be all that much safer, could it?

She choked back a sob and repeated her mantra in her head. 'I have to be strong, I have to be strong, I have to be strong….' But then she made the mistake of looking up and seeing Giles and Angel standing side by side, even as Lightholler gave the command to lower the boat away. Her head swam, and she was afraid for one painful second that she would lose consciousness. Then her vision cleared, and her mind surged to remind her that this may be the last time she ever saw the two of them.

So she tried to picture them, standing side by side, forever peaceful, and they would remain that way in her mind. She caught Angel's eyes, and feeling her pulse speed up just by looking at him she opened her mouth to yell, "I love you!" But only a tiny, hoarse whisper came out. 

She almost started crying at the injustice of it all.

He seemed to read her lips, however, and mouthed, "I love you, too."

That almost made her start crying from the pain of it all.

Suddenly, there was a bit of a jump and bang, and Buffy looked up to find that Mrs. Molly Brown had jumped four feet from the deck in order to get in the lifeboat. Or, perhaps, Buffy mused, she had been pushed in. Whichever it was, Mrs. Brown seemed wholly unfazed. With a small mumbled, "hmmph!" she took a seat. 

It must have been five seconds later that more yelling occurred from up on the deck. Buffy wasn't really paying attention. She didn't want to pay attention. She wanted to close her eyes and make everything go away, but she couldn't close her eyes because they were focused on her watcher and her lover, and she couldn't make it all go away because it was all really happening. 

An older looking man suddenly swung down from the ropes used to lower the lifeboat into the ocean. Buffy gave a little jump of surprise and looked at her mother questioningly. "There weren't enough crewmen aboard," she explained.

"Oh," Buffy replied in a dulled tone, and her mother wondered whether or not she had even heard her.

The new crewmen introduced himself as Major Peuchen and talked with Hichens for a couple minute, where Hichens made it very clear that *he* was the man in charge and the Major should sit down and be quiet. Both Buffy's mother and Mrs. Molly Brown let out matching sounds of annoyance, thinking it was quite rude of the Quartermaster.

Buffy supposed it was rude, but she really couldn't find it in herself to care. She was like a shell of her former self, not allowing any feelings to bog her down. Anyway, she figured, it was either numbness or hysteria at this point. And she didn't fancy having to be sedated because she was screaming too loud.

She sighed. It was all so… unbelievable.

***

Angel watched, never taking his eyes of her boat, as the Quartermaster put the plug in the bottom. He watched as Buffy was lowered away. He watched as Hitchens gave the command to row away. And he watched until not even his vampire sight could see her.

To say he was worried about his slayer was like saying that vampires drank blood.

Giles stayed at his side, and Angel was somewhat surprised. He was beginning to think that though the watcher did not particularly like him, he at least respected him. And that respect meant a lot to Angel because he knew how much Buffy valued Giles' opinion.

"She's going to be fine, Angel," Giles noted upon seeing the vampire's unwillingness to  look away from the spot that he'd last seen the slayer.

Angel let out a sharp, bitter laugh. "Fine?"

Giles let out a deep sigh. "Perhaps."  
  


"I don't think any of us are going to get out of this fine."

"You'd be surprised, Buffy's quite a strong woman."

"I wouldn't."

"Wouldn't what?"

"Be surprised."

Giles regarded him for a moment. He nodded, "No, I don't suppose that you would."

"Do you…" Angel paused, thought for a minute. He wouldn't have admitted it to anyone, but Giles' support wouldn't just mean a lot to Buffy, it would mean a lot to himself. "I know that you've never… appreciated… the relationship I have with Buffy, but I hope that I… *we* have you blessing."

'Blessing?' his mind screamed silently, 'blessing?' That damn Christian upbringing was taking part in his speech again.

Giles looked a little surprised at his choice of words. He thought for a moment, obviously mulling over his next words. "I wouldn't call it a blessing, per say, but you… both of you, have my support and my love."

Angel gave a small smile.

That was more than good enough for him.

***

Buffy watched forlornly as the boat was rowed further and further away from the ship. There was some warning about having to move far away so that the 'Titanic's' pull didn't drag them down with it when it finally sank. 

Buffy wanted to ask what would happen to all the survivors that were left to swim in the sea. Wouldn't the lifeboat have to go back to them? But when she opened her mouth nothing came out but a dull moan, causing her mother to wrap her arms around her and rock her like she was a little girl.

Buffy barely even felt it. There was a dull hush that had fallen over the lifeboat. Everyone was staring at the 'Titanic'. All eyes were wide, pulsing with fear, and a grim sense of doom. 

The slayer felt like she was a hallow tree, one that a squirrel found places to hide nuts in. She was so empty, so cold, and so alone. It was like being covered by an impossible blanket, one that she could never escape from.

The 'Titanic' kept getting farther away.

The dull sound of the oars hitting the water was the only noise in the hushed boat. No one dared say a thing, no one dared show their fears. No one even cried, the blanket was so strong.

All Buffy could think was that she was so little. The ocean was so big. And the 'Titanic' kept going down, down, down. Down to it's final resting place. Down towards the ocean.

'Down, down, down,' Buffy thought half hysterically.

And Angel and Giles were still on it.

She wanted to sob, wanted to let the whole world hear the injustice, the unfairness. But she couldn't. Because she was hollow.

So her mother rocked her.

The lifeboat kept getting farther away.

And down went the 'Titanic'. 

***

Angel took a deep breath. He wasn't exactly sure why, he didn't have to breathe, and it certainly wouldn't do anything to help him. But it was something humans did when they needed to relax or calm themselves.

And Angel definitely needed to calm himself.

The deck was beginning to roar with the fear of hundreds of people. The danger was suddenly more real and the lifeboat shortage was becoming painfully more undeniable. Angel was afraid that things were close to getting out of hand.

Rockets kept shooting up in the air at regular intervals and the Captain could be seen from time to time making his way across the deck, trying his best to keep things running as smooth as possible. Angel couldn't help but feel anger in the Captain's presence, the man had screwed up big time, and hundreds would have to pay the price.

Angel's own years as a vampire flashed through his eyes, but he shook the gruesome thoughts away and tried to keep his mind focused on the situation. He was privately worried about what his demon would do when the panic became even heavier. Would he cower in disgust and fear, or would he drink off the fear of other's like a warm cup of blood?

Angel didn't know, and he tried his best to remain as in control as he possibly could. For a fleeting second he wished that Buffy were still there with him. It was a selfish thought, and he banished it as quickly as he could.

But not before calling her face up into his mind and imagining the way her tiny hand would feel pressed into his.

Angel glanced over at the slayer's watcher who was staring at the ocean with a surprising look of calm on his features. 

"You know," Giles began almost as if hearing Angel's thoughts, "I never knew that I would be able to accept my death this easily."

"It's never the end," Angel protested, knowing it was, but wanting to keep a positive façade even it was only for Buffy's sake. 

"Oh, but it is," Giles whispered. "I'm just relieved that I don't have to see her die." Angel stared straight ahead not wanting to hear Giles' good-bye speech. Giles reached into his coat and withdrew a tightly bound leather book. "This is the last diary I was keeping," he explained, "it's about Buffy and all that she has done the past few months up to the time that she met you." Angel looked at him questioningly. "When you see her again, give this to her."

Angel looked him straight in the eye. "If I see her again," he corrected.

He shook his head, handed Angel the journal. "When you see her again."

Angel let out another deep breath. "I don't know…" shaking his head he let out a mirthless laugh. "I'm scared, I didn't know that it was possible for me to be this scared."

"Only a crazy man wouldn't be scared," Giles muttered, taking off his glasses and giving them a good cleaning. "You'd have to be a raving lunatic not to be scared now."

Angel snorted. "Raving lunatic," he agreed.

Giles reached out a hand, clasped Angel's, and gave it a good shake. "Good luck."

"Where are you going?"  
  


"See if I can find myself a good whisky," the watcher admitted. "If I'm going to go down, I may as well find it humorous."

Angel gave him a real smile. "You're the bravest man I've ever met."

Giles looked at him again with what Angel suspected was a gleam of fondness. "Do tell Buffy that."

"Of course."

Giving Angel a good tap on the shoulder, Giles walked off. Angel resisted the urge to watch him walk away, silently reaffirming his faith that the watcher was the bravest man he had met. Knowing that this was the last time he would ever see the Brit again came as a hard blow to Angel.

He finally cared about people. And they were being taken away. By the ocean, by the mistake of a man who wanted to break records.

So Angel didn't watch as Giles accepted his death, didn't watch as the Watcher held his head high and started straight ahead, and didn't watch as he entered the first class lounge never to leave again. Angel stared at the ocean, thought of Buffy, and tried as best he could to shoulder yet more blows to his undead heart

He had important things to worry about.

He had to survive.

TBC


	13. Thirteen

A/N: Big thank you to Saileach Go Deo for the quick beta! If you're looking for W/T fic, she's written some beautiful stories. She's just starting out in the world of fanfiction so I'm sure any support she got would be wonderful. J

A/N 2: There's a part in this chapter where I have Buffy pretty much take the historical place of the 'Unsinkable Molly Brown.' It just fit her character… so….

The beautiful lights of the 'Titanic' glinted in the dark depths of the ocean. It seemed like a warm beacon of hope in such a lost world of doom. Every water droplet that sprayed on Buffy's skin burned like sparks of fire. Moving hurt. Her eyes seemed to be permanently fixed upon the ship that was getting further and further away. But it was still so big, so warm, so comforting.

Could it really sink? Could it really sink to the bottom of that deep ocean, banishing everyone she had ever loved forever?

Her stomach clenched and she remembered Giles' awe at the ship. She remembered, ironically, how he had marveled at the fact that the 'Titanic' would be 11 stories high if it was stood on one end. She couldn't help but think bitterly that now he would get the chance to see it. The 'Titanic' was going down on one end and Giles got stuck going along for the ride.

Feeling sick, Buffy covered her mouth with her hand and fought the urge to retch. If only… if only it was one big nightmare and she would wake up in Angel's arms in a few hours. He would smile at her, tell her he loved her, and she would know that nothing in the world could ever matter more.

Joyce rubbed Buffy's shoulders rhythmically, trying to comfort her withdrawn daughter and failing miserably. "Honey, put your hands in your pockets, you'll stay warmer that way."

Buffy complied, not sure if her mother had actually spoken or she had imagined it. Warm? She wanted to freeze. Freeze so she didn't ever have to feel anything again. So she would no longer have to face the hard parts of life.

She tried to tell the quartermaster that the further away they got from the boat, the less chance they would have to pick up survivors. The less chance they would have of picking up Giles, Xander and Angel. But the quartermaster didn't seem to hear her or care because the crewmen kept rowing the small lifeboat. 

As they moved farther away from the 11-story ship with three bulkheads, Buffy tried not to think about how tiny she was. She was nothing but a hair on a bug next to the large ship, but she was nothing but a speck on the hair of the bug all alone in the big ocean.

***

Alone.

Angel didn't understand his sudden fear of that idea. He'd spent his whole life alone, his whole miserable existence he was left to fend for himself. He'd starved himself on the streets of Paris all alone and perspired in Galway all alone.

He couldn't comprehend why being left to fend for himself was so unnerving… or why it scared him so badly. Xander was gone—dead, Angel admitted remorsefully to himself—Buffy went on a lifeboat, and Giles… Giles was getting pissed. Everyone had expected him to stand stoically by the railing, staring out at the expense of the great unknown ready and willing to survive.

Everyone seemed to think that he was strong enough, good enough, fast enough to survive the cold blue of the Atlantic. Angel feared he was the only one who was thinking rationally on that point… he was so petrified he felt like pissing his pants. Which, he admitted to himself, was somewhat ironic considering he hadn't had to go to the bathroom since he was human… more than a hundred years ago.

For one moment he couldn't help but think that maybe Buffy would be better off without him. Should he really try that hard to get back to her? Should he really believe that her life was better off with him in it?

He remembered her eyes before she left, the look of emptiness that had filled the once lively orbs. He resolved to put the life back in there, dedicating himself to the knowledge that he was the only one that *could* put the life back in there.

As people began to scream and run and beg and cry, Angel stood by the railing staring calmly out at the ocean and planning his survival like everyone had expected him to do. The ship creaked, and the lights flickered on and off. The band played vigorously, in a panicked, desperate manner.

Angel stared out at the ocean.

Men clustered around the last few lifeboats, fighting wildly to get their chance on them. Cries rang up from poor third class passengers, hopelessly trapped behind wire gates that no one remembered and no one would unlock. Crewmen scurried about trying as best they could to keep up some semblance of order.

And still Angel stood by the railing, looking at the point where Buffy's lifeboat had last been, a steely, unfeeling expression on his face.

The ship groaned, somehow protesting the injustice that was being made. The lights flickered again and time seemed to stop. A collective sigh of relief from the crowd could be heard when the ship was again bathed in a bright glow.

"Excuse me, sir." Someone knocked Angel out of the way, throwing a chair overboard. Another man followed closely throwing what looked to be a table top.

Angel couldn't believe it. "That won't do anything. Throwing a few items overboard won't stop the 'Titanic' from going down," Angel told the men harshly.

They barely stopped what they were doing. "Respectfully, sir, we know. But the survivors will need something to hold onto after the ship is gone."

Angel stared at them for another beat before moving away. He stumbled a bit, unused to the high slope. The bow kept going down, and the ship was tipping at an angle that was getting steeper and steeper. 

A person screamed, jumping off and landing in the ocean. A few others followed his example, saying a prayer to God before jumping from the sinking ship. Angel gulped, knowing that he couldn't give into temptation and jump. He had to stay on the ship as long as possible.

But waiting for the right time to jump was so difficult. His stomach howled in hunger and he winced thinking about how he hadn't fed properly since he'd gotten onboard. He shut his eyes, forcing the bloodlust down, even as his mind whispered dangerous temptations.

All these people… they would all freeze… wouldn't it be a mercy if he put them out of their misery? 

Angel shook his head, trying to banish the thoughts, but knowing that it was fruitless. The bloodlust would never go away, but he could never act upon it. It was a test of his true will, the will of his soul, being around so many terrified people. He felt for them even as he fed off their fear.

Angel knew, deep inside his soul, that if he lost control it would all be for nothing. If he lost control he'd never get back to her, he'd have to go down with the ship.

He clenched his fists until they turned white, thinking of his impending doom, thinking of Buffy, anything to get his mind of the people around him. 

And the bloodlust.

Angel heard himself breathing heavily, though he didn't need the oxygen. His eyes widened as he watched a steward frantically untie the last boat. A small collapsible, still attached to the officer's quarters. Men rushed the boat, getting on, but the bow of the 'Titanic' lurched forward, spraying them with water.

Angel grabbed the rail, forcing himself to walk upwards, where it was still dry. He followed the collapsible with his eyes, debating his chances of climbing aboard. He was spared the decision when a solid wave of water hit the boat and carried it upside down out to sea. Most of the men who had tried to climb aboard lost their footing and sunk down into the icy depths.

He closed his eyes for a minute, gripping the rail with so much strength that he heard it crack. Loosening his hold, Angel carried himself further upward, even as the boat rushed down towards the sea. 

The water leapt at his feet, burning his soles as if it was holy water. He gritted his teeth, knowing that the pain was only an illusion. The ship creaked in response.

People poured past him as they lost their footing, tumbling down the _Titanic's rising slope. They were dead before they hit the water. Angel watched them helplessly, incapable of doing anything. So he turned his head, refused to listen to the screams, and forced himself upward still. _

He heard the ship crack, and was suddenly afraid that it was coming apart from the middle. He let out an icy breath, whispered Buffy's name under his breath.

And Angel threw himself over the railing, as far away from the ship as he could.

He hit the water with a sudden gasp of pain. He couldn't feel the cold, knew that his vampire strength prevented him from doing so. But his limbs were thick, his eyes wanted to close, and a sudden paralyzing feeling overtook his strong body.

It was the ship behind him that broke him out of his reverie, it creaked and groaned, a warning to all those nearby. It was being sucked down towards the ocean's very bottom, a place where he would end if he didn't move. Kicking his feet, Angel swam in a poor imitation of a front crawl. He didn't know where he was going, but his brain told him to get away from the ship. 

His head hurt and the ocean seemed to blur with a hundred bodies. All of them kicked, and screamed, and begged, and Angel could do nothing but ignore them. It was when a sudden hand reached out and grasped his arm with a weak grip that he stopped and looked. A young woman, face lined in pain, lips frozen, mouthed, "Help me… help me, please…"

Angel stared at her for seconds that felt like hours. He felt like he was being tested, his desire to help people being exploited at the cruelest of times. But he couldn't do anything for her, couldn't do anything for the hundreds of people that were freezing to death in the icy chill of the ocean.

With a limp hand, and apology written on his face, Angel removed the woman's fingers from his arm. The hand loosened, and Angel's face darkened when he realized the woman was already dead.

With a pause of remorse, Angel moved on.

***

'Like a tower,' Buffy thought, 'it looks like a tower.' Reaching up towards the sky, the 'Titanic' grew as its bow sunk. Her eyes were fixed on the hulking ship, unable to turn her head away from the sight, but wanting desperately to do so.

Joyce sucked in breath beside her, "It's still moving."

"Still sinking," Buffy added, as she watched the front sink deeper into the water. 

The quartermaster ordered them to keep rowing away from the ship. He was convinced that her great, hulking mass could pull them down with it. Buffy didn't point out that they were already further away than most of the lifeboats, or that most of the people swimming in the water would have less of a chance than they did.

The first funnel of the ship came crashing down. It sprayed water and, Buffy imagined, bodies over the edge.

She didn't even have the heart to gasp. Her mother grabbed her hand, tears beginning to course down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, dear," she whispered mournfully. Buffy couldn't look at her. She didn't have enough strength to feel sorry.

The angle of the ship was rising, steeper, steeper, and Buffy wondered vaguely if anyone could still be holding on. She wished she had enough heart left to be thankful they weren't close enough to the 'Titanic' to witness those that didn't have enough strength to hold on.

Rising… rising it went… the 'Titanic' finally began to look as though it weren't a beacon of safety. The ship moaned, the lights flickered and disappeared, never to come on again. When the last rays of light died, so too did it seem the last rays of hope.

The darkness seemed to perpetrate a deep silence. No one dared even breathe. Nobody had to say it, but it spread through everyone's mind like a plague: this was it. The ship was lost.

The 'Titanic' was reduced to nothing more than a large, hulking silhouette. It seemed dangerous somehow. Dark and unknown, moaning and groaning as it sank. It was a scary shape in the darkness. It was no longer beautiful and elegant, but ugly and evil.

Buffy wished she could close her ears against the screams of the hundreds of unwilling victims the 'Titanic' was pulling down with her. Wished she didn't have to hear the oars dipping into the water, moving them further away. Wished she couldn't hear the sobs of the women who had left husbands on board. Wished she couldn't hear her on guilty conscience accusing her of selfishly saving herself when others could have had her place. 

That's when the ripping started. It was like two people were pulling on the 'Titanic' from opposite ends. Dishes crashed. Ropes snapped. Wood cracked. The noise was so loud that it drowned out the wail of those unlucky enough to still be alive.

 The ship split in two.

It was like a gigantic knife had cut it right in half. Large jagged edges stuck out along the fissure. The first part disappeared without a fight. It slipped quietly under the surface, leaving the stern stuck up in the air. It settled back, towering ninety degrees up in the air. And it floated there. Unknowingly, the people in boat six sucked in a needed breath.

It seemed like the 'Titanic' couldn't really sink. It hung there, like it was being held up on an invisible rope. It hung there forever, for long agonizing minutes that seemed like  hours. Then slowly, picking up speed, faster and faster and faster it sank.  

Four sharp cracks sounded in the night air, pushing the ship all the way down. The 'Titanic' was gone, leaving nothing in its wake but a low bubbling sound.

And then the screaming started.

To Buffy, the cries of those left in the frigid water was worse than the sound of the sinking _Titanic_. Babies, women, children, men, crewmen, anyone who had been aboard when the ship sank. They all screamed, petrified, bloodcurdling sounds that Buffy knew would haunt her forever. It was one giant plead for help, a mass of bodies, kicking and screaming, helpless in the cold water. The slayer could do nothing but grip her hands tightly together, watching as they turned white and cold. She bit her lip, wishing that the sound would stop.

Hitchens refuse to go and pick up survivors. They would swamp the boat, he claimed. If they did that, they'd all die.

Buffy thought of her feet, of how the cold water burned them. How they were so cold that they hurt, how the wind nipped at her face and stung her hands. She thought about being in that water, dying, and watching, as the boats didn't come for you. The image shook her violently, and she buried her head against her mother's arm.

Selfishly, all she could do was wonder if Angel was okay. If the water burned him like everyone else. If he was thinking of her. 

If she'd ever see him again.

***

Angel thought that his limbs felt heavier. He tried to remind himself that it was all an illusion, that he was a vampire and wasn't really effected by the chill of the ocean. Yet, he still felt himself slow, felt his legs freeze, and his muscles become unresponsive. He felt himself being pulled downwards like he was a great stone that could sink at any moment.

He tried to remind his brain to focus, that his only chance of survival was to concentrate on moving. Slowly his muscles loosened out, his legs kicked, and he remembered how to move. 

The sea was a mass of confusion. Mundane objects floated by, a teddy bear, a shirt, constantly hindering his progress. Then there were the bodies, frozen corpses that were like brick walls. Constantly getting in the way of his vision, distracting him, degrading his conscience, adding to his despair.

The lifeboats. He could see them off in the distance. He realized with a sinking feeling that they were too far away. And they weren't coming back. Even as a vampire, he knew that he couldn't swim about in the cold Atlantic until a boat came to their rescue.

He needed rest, he needed a respite from the constant tugging of the ocean's bottom at his heels. Yet the lifeboats were just buoys, bobbing in the distance. They were beacons of hope that tantalized him with their refusal to come help. He drew in a ragged breath thinking of all the people who were lost because the lifeboats wouldn't return. 

Angel groaned, mind already conjuring up pictures of the worst. He couldn't swim the distance to the lifeboats, could barely keep going in a straight line, and suddenly realized that despite his supernatural strength, nature was overpowering him.

Then something grabbed onto his elbow. He turned his head sluggishly to the side, mind not comprehending the shy but firm grasp. There, right next to him, was a boat. It was upside down, rocking back and forth precariously.

But it was a boat.

The man who had grabbed his arm helped him up onto the boat. The other men who had already climbed aboard, balanced it cautiously as Angel summoned his remaining strength and rolled aboard.

"Are you all right?" the man asked who had helped him aboard.

Angel nodded mutely, sucking in a breath. The unneeded oxygen seemed to revive his tired body and he managed to sit up. He was on the collapsible, he realized, the small boat that had been washed over the side of the 'Titanic' right before it sank.

Every time a wave hit the boat, it rocked back and forth, the men onboard rushing to balance it out. Already some were losing strength and he knew those that were sitting down were near death. The man who had tugged on Angel's elbow, who had saved his life, helped him to a standing position.

The man was pale, his legs quaking back and forth with the effort of standing. "Stay standing," he told Angel, "you'll stay alive longer."

Angel nodded, not bothering to tell him that he could already feel his strength returning, that in a few minutes the trip he had spent in the water wouldn't matter at all. Instead, Angel grasped the man's hand lightly, a silent thank you, and spent his energies helping to keep the unstable craft upright.

***

It was the bitter cold.

After the boat disappeared, after the screams were gone, there was nothing left but the cold. It encircled everything, long tendrils of chill creeping over the hushed silence of those in the lifeboats.

Every time the wind whistled, every time there was a movement, the penetrating cold was felt. Deep down in her bones Buffy could feel it settling down. She knew if she lived a hundred years she would never feel totally warm again.

No one dared complain. There were a few blankets onboard, but the quartermaster had snatched them up for himself. He had to be warm, he had said, in order to control the boat.

Buffy thought that he was nowhere near being in control. Buffy thought that the Atlantic was the only thing with the power. Buffy thought there were hundreds of people out in the cold water that could have used those blankets, had the quartermaster found enough generosity to go back for them.

Buffy also didn't have enough energy to voice her thoughts out loud.

She drew her knees up to her chest, looked mournfully out at the ocean. 'At least the screaming has stopped,' she thought dully, 'at least the screaming has stopped…'

What time was it? Had it only been a few minutes since the 'Titanic' had sunk? How quick it was for the people to die out in the water. From a screaming, panicked mass, the ocean had turned calm once again. Its soft waves hit the side of the lifeboat with little thumps, the only movement, it seemed, out on its great expanse. Everyone knew what it was capable of doing, and no one had forgotten the big icebergs of creeping death that were hidden in the water. Vaguely Buffy could see large hulks of ice here and there, but they were distorted in the darkness.

There were no ships in sight. 

How long would they have to wait? Had anyone heard their call? Were those that had lived through the wreckage doomed to slowly freeze and starve to death in the lifeboats?

A sharper, more real fear rocked through her heart and Buffy sprang up in her seat. In her fear, in the danger, in the screaming of a hundred dying victims, she had mistakenly forgot something important. Something important to the very existence of her souled vampire.

Sunrise was coming.

And a rescue ship wasn't in sight.

***

They had to refuse people boarding on to the small, upturned craft. Angel knew that it was the sensible thing to do, more people would only make it unstable and none of them would be able to survive. But each refused victim was another cut to his guilty heart, another sharp pain on his conscious.

There had to be about 30 men onboard, and the extra weight of the craft caused it to sink deeper into the water. Every wave that crashed into it, every time water sprayed them, they had to scramble to keep themselves upright.

As the night wore on, it seemed those that had been turned away had left behind some small semblance of vengeance. Two men had died already, the one that had pulled Angel aboard in the first place was shivering in the corner, near death himself.

Relief came a short while later. Those in the small collapsible boat B were finally taken aboard by boats 4 and 12. It was a flotilla of boats 4, 10, 12, and D. The going was difficult, the collapsible crashing dangerously against the sides of the boats, its occupants climbing onboard with rubber legs and dizzy heads.

Angel learned that boat 14 had gone back to look for survivors and had spread out its cargo between the four boats. He knew in his bones that boat 14 wasn't going to find much but corpses. At least, he reasoned, someone was trying to do something. It was more than anyone else had done that night to save any of the thousands that had drowned.

***

Buffy vaguely considered unleashing her slayer strength and using it to *kill* quartermaster Hitchens.

The guy had done nothing but whine, complain, and criticize. They were never going to be rescued. They were going to die slowly out at sea without food or water. A crewman was dipping his oar into the water the wrong way. It was too cold. There weren't enough blankets. He declared he was the one giving orders and wouldn't be the one to pick up an oar.

Buffy almost welcomed the momentary distraction of being filled with anger. What right did this man have to dampen their spirits after all they'd been through? What right did he have to complain when thousands were dead? But she soon tuned him out, the fury she had felt becoming a dulled annoyance that was too exhausting to revel in.

Some time later they met up with boat 16. They lashed the two boats together, an effort to stay together in the sea. The bumping of the two boats hitting each other soon grated on people's nerves and a pillow was placed between them to keep the splitting noise at bay.

Buffy looked into the boat, at first eager, then hardened when she didn't see any of her loved ones. No Willow, no Xander, no Giles, and no Angel. She leaned her head back. They were all dead. All dead. She repeated her mantra incessantly in her head. Maybe if she thought it more, it would be less painful.

A light flashed in the sky.

She sucked in a breath. A shooting star? Lightning? If it was an electrical storm they were all doomed. There was no protection against the elements in their small, open craft. 

"Mom," she whispered, "there's… light."

A few passengers heard her whispered exclamation and turned to look up at the sky. Mrs. Molly Brown smiled reassuringly. "There's nothing there, dear," she told Buffy in a relaxed tone. "Don't fret."

"We're all going to die," Hitchen complained loudly. "We're going to get hit by lightning, freeze to death from the rain."

Buffy scowled at him. "We have enough to worry about without your constant whining."

The quartermaster gasped. "You dare! A superior should never be criticized," he scowled, "especially by a girl."

Buffy glared at him. Her slayer powers did not include *patience*. She glanced at the assembled crew. They were freezing, their blood slowing down. The quartermaster had ordered them to drift. She handed the handle of an oar to a passenger that was only in his pajamas. The shivering man smiled gratefully and started rowing. She handed the handle of an oar to another passenger without shoes. "It will keep you warmer," she encouraged.

Hitchens stood up. "Drop that oar! Drop it now!"

Buffy hefted her chin. "Keep paddling."

Mrs. Brown smirked. "Doesn't seem to me that you're still the superior, Hitch."

"I'm the commander of this lifeboat!" he declared haughtily.

"Really?" Buffy asked sweetly, "'Cause I'm thinking that if you keep being a pain in my arse, I'll throw you overboard."

"Buffy!" her mother chastised sharply.

Buffy shrugged. "I was never a proper lady," she hissed. She glanced at the passengers in boat 16. "Cut the line," she asked the man only in pajamas. He complied and the people in boat 16 picked up oars as well. Buffy sat back, folding her arms over her chest and looking at Hitchens expectantly.

The quartermaster glanced uncertainly at the hard, angry faces of the passengers. He hesitated, thinking Buffy's threat over, before sighing and sitting down. "The White Star Line is going to hear about this one," he groused.

"While you're at it, could you tell them all about how well you inspired our morale?" Buffy wondered aloud, false sincerity in her voice.

Hitchens did the unthinkable. He shut his mouth.

The man who had taken up an oar, glanced up at the sky. "Those weren't lights… that was a steamer!"

The passengers all sucked in a surprised breath, squinting through the early morning fog. A rocket shot up in the air. "Thank the Lord…" a woman whispered beside Buffy.

Joyce smiled in relief at her daughter. "It's all going to be all right now."

Buffy nodded, already feeling the first tendrils of hope in her heart. "Not a moment too soon, either," she declared in relief.

The ship shot up rockets as if in agreement. If was coming slowly towards them, and Buffy softly chanted a warning under her breath. "Careful… careful," she whispered, almost wishing that the captain could hear her.

"Dawn…" the word was so hushed that Buffy barely heard it. She turned to her mother. 

"What?" she managed.

Joyce pointed to the sky. Buffy looked up wearily, felt her heart sink. "The sun…" 

Her mother squeezed her hand. "It's a wonderful sight, isn't it, sweetheart?"  
  


Buffy felt a huge lump settle in her throat. "Wonderful," she agreed, forcing down the despair. 

She felt the squeezing start on her heart. That awful grip of fate that swore never to let her out of their clutches. She shook her head, shut her eyes tightly. She had to concentrate on the now. Couldn't worry about him, couldn't deal with it until later. If she thought about him now, she would go crazy.

She couldn't afford that. Not when they were so close. Not when the steamer was only meters away.

She sucked in a breath. She gave a tiny smile to her adopted crew. "Follow that boat," the slayer ordered.

TBC 

A/N: Review me! Whee! I think I'm actually nearing the end here. One or two more chapters to go. I just wanted to make a quick note. I'm terribly sorry about anyone who had to go through this tragedy in 1912 and I ask anyone who's reading this fic to take a few seconds of silence and remember all those who perished.

Thank you!


	14. Fourteen: The End

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's given me feedback on the first 13 chapters of this fic. I couldn't have gotten through it all without you. Especially to Jennem, Liss, and, now, Laura who've all given me the best help of all… beta reading. I couldn't have done it without you guys! *HUGS*

A/N 2: I feel a bit like this chapter is somewhat abrupt. Still, I feel like there have been enough gaps of time in between chapters and I've been eager for the past couple of weeks to post it. I may go back at a later date and revise it. I'm even considering writing a short epilogue. But, at this point in time, I think I'm satisfied with the ending, and I hope all you are too. 

There are moments in everyone's life that define who they are. Moments that stand out beyond all others. They are times when the rest of the world fades into the background, when time seems to stretch out indefinitely, but passes in the blink of an eye. Sometimes a single moment in time can change thousands of lives.

Buffy knew this was one of them.

She watched as their rescuer, a steamboat, deftly steered itself around the deadly blocks of ice in the ocean. It was going almost painfully slow, like someone was forcing it to tread carefully through the water. Along its side the word 'Carpathia' was scrawled in fading ink. 

Buffy gulped, praying that those she had met on board the 'Titanic' were in a lifeboat, watching the grand sight with the same gusto. She hoped that Giles had gotten on at the last minute, that Xander had bribed his way on… that Angel was a strong enough swimmer.

As they neared the great steamboat, the passengers in the small lifeboat 6 could see that it was nowhere near as grand as the royal 'Titanic.' But to the people floating in the water… to them it was their savior and they would always remember it as such.

People flocked to the railings of the 'Carpathia,' looking at the small passengers in the lifeboats. As boat 6 got closer, Buffy could see them gawking and pointing, looking at them with curiosity and pity.

She wondered if they yet knew it was the great 'Titanic' that had sunk… or if they really believed it.

Climbing aboard the steamboat was a hushed and tense affair. There were ladders and netting hanging over the side for those that were strong enough to climb on board… and slings and pulleys for those who were not. 

Buffy, as well as her mother, chose to climb on the ladder. She was surprised to find how difficult it was to climb up the side of the ship even with her slayer strength. Once on solid floor of the steamer, she felt her legs buckling and had to lean on her mother for support.

A stewardess rushed over, gripping one of Buffy's elbows and helping her mother lead her inside where it was warm. "No…" she protested half-heartedly, "need to make sure… Angel…"  
  


"Poor thing," the kind stewardess sighed, handing her mother two cups of tea. "Thinking she's seeing angels…" The woman looked at mother and daughter in pity.

Joyce smiled, "We'll be fine, go help the other passengers."

The woman nodded, bustling away. The elder Summers handed her daughter one of the warm cups of tea, leading her over to a chair. She forced Buffy to sit in it, wrapping a blanket around her legs. 

"I'm fine, Mom," Buffy protested weakly, "I'm strong."

Buffy was surprised to see her mother's eyes fill with tears, "Yes, you are, honey. When you need to be. Sleep."

Buffy leaned her head back against the chair. "You don't think he made it," she whispered, her eyes shut tightly.

Joyce grabbed her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "I think he would have done anything to get back to you."

It wasn't the answer Buffy was looking for, but it had to be enough. "I can't move Mom… I'm so tired."

"I know, Sweetie."

"Will you go look for me?" Buffy asked softly. "I can't face it, I can't see how few people are rescued. I see death all the time and I can't deal with watching the survivors come onboard the 'Carpathia."

If Joyce thought her daughter's comments were the slightest bit odd, she didn't say anything. "Of course, Buffy."

Buffy had fallen asleep.

Joyce sighed, struggled to get up. She pressed a kiss to Buffy's forehead, marveling at the irony that the sinking of the 'Titanic' had actually brought them closer together. For the first time in a long time, Buffy had allowed Joyce to take care of her. Usually her daughter walked around like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, now the weight seemed to be too much and was crushing her under its massive strength.

But for the first time… her mother was there for her. And Joyce kind of liked that. No matter how many secrets she knew her daughter kept from her, Joyce knew that from this moment on she could finally be her daughter's mother again.

She wrapped a wool blanket around her shoulders, leaving Buffy inside and stepping out into the chilly wind of the Atlantic. She walked over to the railing and watched with tired eyes as the rest of the passengers were hauled on board. The little lifeboats seemed smaller from on board the 'Carpathia' than when she had been sitting in one. They were like little toys bobbing next to the ship, waiting for their turn to be picked up.

One by one the survivors of the 'Titanic's' terrible tragedy climbed on board. Most were attended to by concerned passengers on the 'Carpathia' or stewards, but some were half carried, half dragged, down to the infirmary.

Joyce didn't see any of Buffy's friends. Yet she knew that many survivors were taken aboard before boat 6, so the chance that they were fine was there. But Joyce knew it wasn't a very good chance, and felt her heart sink at the knowledge of it.

At one point she looked into the face of a woman that she had grown somewhat friendly with on the 'Titanic.' She tried to smile but the gesture seemed meaningless and hollow to her face. She looked into the woman's eyes and saw pain there and a deep emptiness. There were rings around her eyes, and her once young and joyful face was wrinkled and saggy.

Joyce realized with a start that she could only look the same way… that everyone who had survived the past few hours could only look the same way.

The last lifeboats had been emptied of their contents, and Joyce could hear people crying or yelling. Families that had lost each other happily ran into each other's arms. Women who had lost their husbands yelled with grief. Siblings that had lost their older brothers huddled together with silent tears on their faces.

The order was given for the 'Carpathia' to move again. 'To New York,' Joyce realized with a start. They were still on the way to New York… even with everything that had happened.

Some women cried when the news was given. "My son! He was a strong swimmer!" a woman cried, holding on to a steward's arm. "He's still out there!"

Joyce felt sick as a bunch of other women echoed the call, yelling that their husbands, fathers, brothers, were still out there… that they were strong swimmers and had survived the icy chill of the ocean's water.

So the patient captain made another round for survivors who could not be there. Joyce stood near the railing, her breath coming out in little, icy puffs. She watched cautiously, hoping against hope that *he* was there, the man that had stolen her daughter's heart. Because she still felt a tiny semblance of optimism in her gut.

***

Buffy woke with a start, a silent scream trapped in her throat. She looked around wildly, clutching the rough blanket to her throat. She blinked, finding herself on a garden chair in the warm shelter of the 'Carpathia.'

She let out a long, relieved breath as the dream left her. She closed her eyes, thinking about how her nights were going to be filled with tantalizing dreams of her friends and lover dying one by one in the cold depths of the ocean. 

Shakily, she threw her legs over the side of the chair, standing and letting her muscles strain and stretch. She messaged her arms, feeling tiny goosebumps on her skin. She wondered if she could ever feel warm again.

Slowly she walked along, noting people lying out on cots, chairs, anything that the people onboard the 'Carpathia' could spare. Had the circumstances not been so dire, Buffy probably would have been amused at the sight of so many first class passengers being reduced to having to sleep on the floor with someone's handouts.

She looked at all the faces closely, looking for someone that she knew… looking for the people she knew in her heart of hearts couldn't have made it. She saw other people doing the same, scanning faces and eyes sinking in disappointment. She felt a lump rise in her throat, but continued along.

She paused, seeing Willow stretched out on a small, brown, coat. She was asleep, her arms pale, her hair limp and stringy around her head. Buffy bent over the body of her small friend, pulling the blanket up to her chin. She touched one of her cheeks lightly, smiling when Willow opened her eyes.

"Bu… Buffy?" the red-hair girl whispered in wonderment.

"Hey, Will," Buffy said in a scratchy voice.

Willow's eyes filled with tears and she stood up, throwing her arms around the slayer. "I'm so glad that you're okay," Willow said.

Buffy gripped her hard, knowing that she was probably hurting her friend, but not caring. "Of course I'm okay. I'm the slayer… survivor and all that."

Willow pulled away, looked into Buffy's eyes. "It hurts so much," she confessed. "Like there's this big hand in my throat, trying to rip me in half."

"I know," Buffy answered softly, lying her head against Willow's shoulder. "I know."

Willow let out a choked sob. "Xander…"

"I'm so sorry, Will. He was too young. Too young."

"I'm sorry too, Buffy. It isn't fair…" Willow trailed off. "Nothing about dying is ever fair."

 Buffy looked at her hands. What could she say to that? She faced death every day. She saw it in its brutal intensity. But she couldn't think of a single thing that could justify the tragedy of the night before.

"We'll get through it, Willow," she told her soothingly. 

Willow sat up, posture strong and unforgiving. "If only I knew why I lived… when so many others didn't."

"I don't understand it, either," Buffy admitted. "It's my duty to protect those who need it, yet here I am when so many are gone."

Willow squeezed her hand. "It's because you'll save so many more by saving yourself."

Buffy smiled… it was small and hollow, but it was a smile. "I hope so, Will. I hope so."

***

Joyce found her daughter keeping watch over her maid. The little red-head that had been so helpful onboard the 'Titanic.' She'd almost forgotten how close she and Buffy had gotten during their stay on the ship.

With a mother's eye she examined Buffy's posture. Erect and strong, a warning to all those that came by. She was keeping watch over the girl and she wasn't going to let anyone at her. It brought an amused glint into Joyce's eyes. That was her Buffy, always strong when something threatened those that she loved.

Buffy fixed her eyes on her mother, hopeful and guarded. They asked one question and one question only, 'Did you find him?' The sight of her mother coming towards her all alone was enough to dash most of her hope.

Joyce shook her head sadly. "He could still be here," she whispered, careful not to wake the sleeping Willow. 

Buffy looked at the ground, bit her lip. "Yeah," she agreed in a flat monotone.

"Buffy…"

She looked up then, curious as to her mother's tone. "Mmmm?"

'I love you!' Joyce's mind cried. 'I'm so glad that you're okay! I'll take care of you for the rest of your life, never try to throw men at you again. Just don't be in pain any more, baby, don't be in pain.' Instead she said, "There's going to be a service."

Buffy looked down again. "Oh."

"First to celebrate the 700 people who made it… then to remember the 1500 people who did not." Joyce said the last in a hushed, grieved tone.

Buffy thought of the lump Willow had talked about… how it sometimes felt like it could split a person in half. She knew exactly what her friend had been talking about. "1500 dead…" she repeated in awe. "When?"

"Soon…"

Buffy nodded, collapsing on the ground next to Willow. "I think I'll take a nap first."

Joyce hovered over her protectively. "Do you want a blanket or a mattress? The floor isn't very comfortable, Buffy."

"More comfortable than the bottom of the ocean," Buffy whispered heavily. "More comfortable than the cold of the water."

She smiled in understanding, moving on. She couldn't bear to stay and watch her daughter in pain. Couldn't bear knowing that Buffy was sinking into her misery and she couldn't do anything about it.

***

She felt his lips on her. On her cheeks, on her nose, his mouth sucking gently on the bottom of her ear lobe.  Soft little touches, down the side of her neck, back up her throat, tongue slightly probing and searching. On her mouth now, lips to lips, the contact sweet and right.

She arched into his touch, feeling him and his smell and knowing it was surrounding her until she thought she would go crazy. Her heart pounded, her head felt dizzy. She felt their lips melt together, tongues fighting for purchase, hands in her hair. Hands now down her sides, smoothing over her waist, tracing her stomach. She made a soft crooning noise in the back of her throat, hands reaching out blindly… needing to feel him. Needing to feel flesh against flesh.

And, oh god, oh god, it was a dream. A wonderful dream and she was waking up. Going to be awake any minute. It was all a dream and she was going to wake up. Wake up and he was going to be gone. She was waking up, it was just a dream, and he would be gone. 

Her mind tried to shut down, prevent her from opening her eyes. She felt her mind work, knew that she was waking up and wanted so badly to stop it. 

Her eyes opened.

Beautiful brown eyes, full of love, warmth, and humanity… the eyes of an angel. Oh god… her breath came out in small, tight gasps. Angel, Angel, Angel… "Angel!" she yelled, launching herself into his arms.

It wasn't just a dream. He was here, he was holding her, smoothing his hands down her back, whispering meaningless words of comfort into her ear. He was real, he was here, and he was alive.

She pulled away, staring at him in wonder and a deep gratitude. She touched his cheek gently, wonderingly. "Are you real?" her words sounded soft and faded, like a dream that was barely a hope.

He leaned into her hand, his face soft beneath her palm. "I'm here."

"But the sun…" she trailed off, leaning against him, pressing herself as tight as she could. She didn't ever want to separate again. "The water… how…"

"Shhhh," he commanded, his breath a whisper in her ear. "Later."

It was painful, she realized with a jolt. Whatever Angel had gone through… it had been painful. Her heart broke for him. She pressed her lips to the hard denim of his jacket, closed her eyes. "I was so scared."

She could almost see his sad, half-smile, though, she couldn't see his face. "You're the most beautiful sight a man could see, love."

Buffy felt the tears come then. Hot spurts of relief. She felt her body begin to shake. She couldn't help but think how close she'd come. How close *they'd* come. And he was here, he was holding her, when so many had died. "I love you so much…" she sobbed, pressing her face against him.

He stroked her hair… so gently, like she was made of glass. She felt him press his lips to her forehead and rest his head against hers. "Thank you… and I love you, too." 

When her tears stopped, she took a step back, composed herself. "There's a service," she told him. "For the people who made it… and those who didn't."

"How many?"

Died, Buffy finished inwardly. Doesn't even ask about the people who made it. "15 hundred."

Angel took that in. Accepted it.

She took his hand, held on to it with a crushing grip. She looked down at Willow. "I guess we should wake her up and go, huh?"

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, "It's good to remember and grieve."

Buffy felt her eyes fill with tears. "Yeah."

***

The service had been hard. So many were gone, it was impossible not to look at the hundreds of tear stained faces and not feel a weight resting on the heart. But Buffy didn't break down, she held her head high, one hand gripping her mother, one hand gripping Willow, and Angel's arms wrapped firmly around her waist.

Joyce and Willow were happy to see Angel and neither seemed to resent the fact that he had been able to survive when so many others hadn't. Buffy knew that her heart could never really be able to be full again, even with Angel in her life. Giles and Xander were gone, two men that she had grown to love and depend on. She knew that she would never forget the watcher that had always been ready to give up his life along with hers, and one of the only friends that had ever been able to accept and care for her.

She saw Cordelia once. It had been on their second day of their stay on the 'Carpathia.' Buffy almost hadn't recognized her. The old Queen C was gone and in her place was a girl with stringy hair, bags under her eyes, and a deep sadness in her eyes. She had told Buffy only that Riley was gone and that she was happy Buffy had been able to make it alive. Buffy hadn't been able to say anything at all, as a big void of sadness, regret, and despair had gnawed its way into her stomach. 

They were supposed to get to New York by the evening. She turned and looked at the man next to her. Really looked at him. And she thought, suddenly, about how she'd almost forgotten how beautiful he could be, how it made her body flush when he stared at her.

God, she loved his eyes. The way that they stared at her, passionate and hot and burning. Not even the cold Atlantic waters could douse the fire that was ablaze for her. She felt herself melting against him. When so many others had lost, she'd gotten what she wanted most. She wished that she had the strength to feel bad for it, but feeling him hold her, feeling his arms pressing against her back tightly was enough to shut everything else out.

And she would be ever thankful that he had been given back to her.

"Angel," she said gently, "what happened that night?" 

She saw him gulp, turn slightly away from her. They hadn't talked about it since she had asked him that question upon their reconciliation. They had spent the last few days holding each other, crying, and looking for anyone they knew that survived.

He sighed, bowing his head, knowing that if he didn't tell her, he'd never be able to. He felt his guilt and shame rest heavily upon his soul, and knew that she would never let him bear that burden all alone. "It's painful…" he said slowly.

She kissed him gently, looked deep in his eyes. "I would never judge you."

"I know," he whispered, looking deep in her eyes. And he talked. His voice was steady and strong, and he held a perfect poker face that didn't so much as grimace at the difficult parts. But Buffy knew, she knew what it must have been like for him in the water, seeing the thousands dying and not being able to do anything to help. He would never be able to shake the guilt that would plague him watching so many innocents die. 

He told her of how he'd jumped from the ship at the last possible moment, how he'd had trouble swimming in the icy water despite his inability to really feel temperatures. He told of the man who had finally rescued him, hauled him onboard the small, overturned raft. He confessed of the people that they had to turn away or risk perish themselves. He told her how the lifeboats had finally come back, but how it had been too late and not more than four had been rescued of the 15 thousand who were let loose in the Atlantic water.

"I was in the lifeboat, near the back when the 'Carpathia' could be seen," he explained, a short smile of amusement momentarily appearing on his face. "That's when the first rays of sun could be seen coming up. I thought it was the end, that no creature like me could possibly watch so many innocents die without facing the wrath of the higher powers." Angel titled his head back, stared out at the deck where the sky was beginning to become darker and the sun was disappearing over the horizon. Buffy felt the lump rise in her throat, knowing the pain that he must be facing, but filled with a desperate urge to jump in front of him and shield his body from the sun.

He took her hand, squeezed it. "But I knew that I couldn't have possibly gone that far without going all the way. I knew in that moment that I had to do all I could for the rest of my long years to protect the human race. So I asked for a blanket… all those people freezing and I asked if I could borrow a few blankets to cover myself with. I said something about a skin disease in the sun, that it wasn't pretty." Angel voice became slightly bitter, "It's amazing how generous people become when thrust into a life and death situation."

Buffy blinked, "What do you mean? They wouldn't give you the blankets?"

"No, they gave me them, especially when I started burning slightly."

"Then what is it?"

"You live long enough and you realize, there are things that people do, people with souls, that can compete with the worst of demons… and they have the excuse of not having a conscience. There were third class passengers, Buffy, that weren't even allowed to go up to the lifeboats. And I heard them screaming and begging to get out."

Buffy closed her eyes, leaned her head back. She yanked away from him, beginning to pace angrily back and forth across the deck. "I want to pound someone for this. I want to find the guy who screwed up and beat him until he feels the pain of all the people that he killed." She spun around, feeling her heart beating wildly, "Why didn't you tell me, Angel? Back when we were on the 'Titanic' you *must* have heard them before I left the ship."

"I couldn't," he hissed. "If I told you… you would have gone down there and you wouldn't be standing here right now. And the only way that I could survive was to block them out."

"Every man for himself," she muttered, feeling the anger creep up her arm until her fist shook with the need to punch something.

"Don't I know it."

She let out a breath. "No… I'm not mad at you." She stared at him, frustration creeping into her eyes. "It's just… not fair, you know? I mean, jesus, you're going to have to live with that for the rest of your life. You're constantly going to have to remember their screams, the people begging for help in the water, the fright of watching all the lifeboats paddle away from the survivors drowning in the water…" she trailed off, feeling the anger leave and that deep exhaustion creep in. "I wish there was some way to take the pain away."

He smiled hollowly. "I've done worse."

"Angel…" her voice was soft and sad. She walked to him, wrapped her arms around his waist. "I don't think I'll ever get over the pain of thinking that you drowned out there. And that I was alone again."

He hesitated a moment, then pulled her tightly against him. "It's so hard to know where to go from here," he admitted brokenly in her ear.

"No…" she protested, cupping his cheek, surprised to find it moist with tears. "Never. You know exactly where to go," she said firmly. "With me, to fight for the rest of this people on this earth, for as long as we possibly again." She cradled him against her chest, feeling his tears slide down her breast and comforting like he had done her millions of times before.

When he calmed, he pulled away and tenderly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I guess there was a reason that I got to survive," he whispered.

She felt her heart bottom out and her legs feel weak. "Promise that you'll never leave me again."

"Buffy…"

"Promise!" her voice slipped a little on the words, turned into a slight beg.

Angel leaned his forehead against hers. "I don't think I could… I don't think anything could make me want to leave you."

"We'll heal together," she told him. "It's going to be hard… so many gone. But we'll do it together."

"Together," he echoed, but his voice sounded distant… like he wasn't really with her.

She pulled away from him, forced herself to look away from him. He'd been through God knows what. They were on a ship with hundreds of other refugees. She couldn't expect him to start making promises to her. The time wasn't right… wasn't appropriate. She took his hand, squeezed it, a silent promise that she understood that he needed time.

He looked down at their clasped hands and she could see him considering it. She felt her stomach turn into knots. There was something… something different…

She gasped when he dropped to one knee. His words came out in a rush, sentences jumbled together… but it was still poetic. And Buffy knew that she'd remember every word for the rest of her life and treasure them.

"I know that we haven't known each other long, but it's real, Buffy. Never have I felt like this for anyone in all my lifetime. 150 years and I've loved one woman. I want to protect you, hold you close, keep your heart warm should anything ever want to batter or bruise it. I want to take you away from here, shield you, so you never know the depths of human suffering. But I can only promise to stay by your side, to protect you to the best of my ability. I want to see you grow old and take all the pleasures from life that there are. I promise to try and make you happy, to do whatever lights up your eyes. I can't promise to be anything but what I am, I can't promise I'll never make you cry, make you angry, but I will always love. Always, forever, as long as I am on this earth there will never be another. Buffy… will you marry me?" 

She couldn't speak. Her stomach bottomed out and her hands trembled. She let out a high sigh… she couldn't speak… couldn't say anything.

Angel held out a ring. Two hands held onto a small heart. "It's an Irish wedding band," he explained. "The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart… well, you know. Wear it with the heart facing inwards and it means you belong to someone.  Buffy, love, will you be my wife?"

"Yes," she gasped. "Yes! Yes!" 

Angel smiled and Buffy thought that she had died and gone to heaven. The man had the most beautiful smile. He stood, slipping the ring on her finger. She brought the ring to her lips, pressed a chaste kiss to the cold metal. She loved him… she loved him so much. 

"I love you, Angel," she said.

He bent, kissing her with all the passion that burned in him. Their lips touched and they melted into each other. Tongues dwelled together, teeth bumped, and Buffy felt dizzy. His arms were around her, tight, like he was her guardian and anchor in the world. He kissed her like he knew her, like he knew everything about her, but she was wonderful and exciting. She knew that the fires of passion and spark would always burn around them, that nothing could ever separate them. Not demons, darkness, or the forces of nature.

They were forever.

When he pulled away, he gazed off into the ocean. "I know it wasn't the most appropriate time…"

"No," she interrupted, pressing a finger to his lips. "It was the best time. We all need a little hope."

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulled her tight against his side. They stared into the deep ocean, watching as the faint outline as the Statue of Liberty appeared. Neither of them pointed it out, even as many other passengers flew to the railing. They both knew what the other was thinking.

They would never forget the cold, lonely night when despair and death clung to the water around the 'Titanic.' But hope was alive in them and their love was deep. They would heal. 

Together.

The End 


	15. Epilogue: The very end

Author's Notes: Yes, an addition to 'Buffy and Angel on the 'Titanic.' And just after I was so sure I would never write another piece about 'Buffy and Angel on the 'Titanic'' again. Anyway. This is the epilogue. The LAST part of the story. The very last part of the story. I swear this time. I just wanted everyone to get to know future Buffy and Angel and I had a hankering for writing B/A fic and since those hankerings are coming less and less these days, I went with it. Enjoy! Special thanks to everyone who's given me reviews on this story. It certainly wasn't my best, but it was my most popular so I thank everyone for their kind comments!

__

Five Years Later

It was midnight.

Angel woke up sharply, his senses immediately attuned to the fact that his wife was no longer sleeping peacefully beside him. He closed his eyes and reached out to her. In a moment the relief came, she was outside. Not far, but too far for his liking.

He threw the covers off and slowly padded down the hall, his bear feet chilling on the cool floor. He frowned when he spotted her out on the patio. Her arms were wrapped around her chest and she was shivering slightly.

She didn't even notice his appearance.

She hadn't been sleeping well lately. She never did, this time of year. They were both creatures of the night, used to creeping around at all hours. But it made what little rest they did get all that much more important. He knew that she'd been off her game lately and felt he spent more time watching her on patrol than he did demons.

He knew, given another week, she would be back to normal again. But that didn't make her pain any less real.

He came up behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her thin waist. She sighed and leaned back against him, looking wistfully up at the stars.

"It's been exactly five years," she whispered, into the stillness of the night.

He tensed. "Has it?" He'd stopped keeping track…he'd seen too much tragedy in his life. She never had, she always knew the date.

"Giles, Xander, Riley… they died on this night five years ago."

Angel swallowed. "You remember."

"Every minute." She turned to look at him, her blue eyes wide as she studied his face. "It reminds me how close I was to losing you."

He took her hand, and their matching claddagh wedding rings glinted in the moonlight. "Don't. Think of the future."

She shook her head and pulled away. She sat down on their lawn and curled her legs up to her chest. "I can't ever forget. I don't understand how you can."

He accepted the jab, though it hurt. When Buffy was in pain, she lashed out. That much he'd learned after five years and three years of marriage. "I haven't forgotten."

"Yes, you have," she said bitterly. "You didn't know what day it was, you never do, you never take a minute to reflect, you don't care."

Angel sighed and sat down next to her. He cupped her chin and made her look at him. "Do you really think that?"

She pouted. "No. I just don't understand why it doesn't cut so deep for you this time of year."

He leaned back on his haunches and wondered, as he often did, how to voice his thoughts so that she'd understand. Sometimes he forgot there was such an age difference between them. "I don't have to know how much time has passed, I don't have to know whether or not it's the anniversary because it hurts every day. The time of year doesn't make it hurt any more… or make it hurt any less."

She pondered his words for a moment before smiling shyly at him. "You're really wise."

He traced the outline of the black smudges under her eyes. "And you, my love, are very tired."

She leaned back against him. "I'm too cold to sleep. Always am."

Angel rubbed her forearms. "How's Willow doing?"

Buffy shrugged. "Goes between bouts of high perkiness to moments where she starts crying. Despite Oz… she still misses Xander."

"That's never going to change."

Buffy blinked. "I still miss Xander."

Angel didn't say anything. Just held her tighter. She leaned her head back against his chest and starred wistfully up at the sky. The moon cast a faint glow on their house behind them. She shivered slightly before calming herself.

"I'm so tired," she whispered.

"Buffy…"

She turned to look at him. She smiled reassuringly, and touched his cheek gently. "Thanks for being worried about me. But I'll get through it… I always do."

He kissed her gently, the touch of her sweet lips somewhat of a relief. "Come to bed."

He offered her a hand up and frowned when she half-heartedly accepted it. She allowed him to steer her into their warm house. Despite the shelter, Buffy shivered harder. "Angel?"

He watched her in concern, as she floated over to the big windows in their living room and stared out into the night. "Can you see all the stars?"

He followed, resting a comforting hand on the small of her back. He looked out and the sky was perfectly clear. "Yes."

"Do you remember how clear that night was? There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the stars were just like this. Do you remember?"

"Maybe."

"I remember because I was young and in love and it was beautiful."

He rested his head on hers and pulled her against him. "I hate seeing you hurt like this."

She blinked back tears. "I'm sorry. I know… you understand. You were there, too."

"You miss them all, you miss your innocence, you still feel bad for being alive when they're not."

She didn't say anything because he was right. He always knew what she was thinking. "Giles was so steadfast on getting me on the boat," she gave a wry chuckle. "He didn't stop to think about what he, himself, would do."

"He was brave, Buffy. I've never known anyone braver."

She bit her lip. "Thanks. That helps."

"Is your mother coming over tomorrow?"

Buffy shrugged. "I guess. She feels it, too this time of year. I think it helps her."

"And it might be the only conversation we'll ever hear from her that doesn't ask after her chances—"

"Of grand-children," Buffy finished tiredly. "Don't I know it."

"For some reason she still hasn't bothered to ask why she's never seen me in direct sunlight."

"Or why we never got married in a Church."

"Or why there are blood bag in the fridge."

"Stakes in the cupboard."

"Axes in the vestibule."

"A bottle of holy water in my underwear drawer."

Angel jumped back. "What? Do you have any idea how easy it would be to KILL me with that?"

Buffy blushed. "That was one of those things I wasn't ever going to tell you."

"No secrets. It was part of our wedding vows. I think I'm going to have to divorce you now."

Buffy gave him a weak smile. "Anyway, we both know Mom has become a master of looking in the other direction. She always has been. As for the sunlight thing, I told her you were Albino. She seemed to think it explained a lot."

Angel stared at her. "Was that another one of those secrets I wasn't ever going to learn about?"

Buffy shrugged. "It wasn't so much of as a secret as something I wasn't going to tell you unless you asked me directly."

"Is there anything else you would like to share? Some bit of information that I should, perhaps, as your loyal husband know?"

"Angel," she said seriously. He looked at her in concern and she took a deep breath. "I'm a vampire slayer."

He chuckled softly and pressed a loving kiss to her forehead. "I love your wit."

She pulled back to look at him, a slight twinkle in her eyes. Angel felt his heart lighten in relief. "Oh, yeah? What else do you love about me?"

"I love the way you can look at me like no one else, the way you can kill something with your bare hands, the way things touch you, the way you feel the pain of others and want more than anything to stop it."

She smiled shakily. "Thanks."

He smiled back, pressing a thumb to the corner of her eye to smooth away a tiny tear. He nudged her in the direction of the couch and pulled her down into his arms. She pulled a blanket over the two of them and snuggled down into his chest letting out a little sigh of contentment. "I'm not sleeping," she muttered, but closed her eyes, anyway.

He rubbed her arm gently. "I can't ever regret the 'Titanic,' Buffy. It brought me to you."

She nodded. "I know. It's hard, knowing that, and trying not to feel guilty for living."

"I don't regret going on the 'Titanic.' I regret what happened to the 'Titanic.'"

Buffy mulled his words over before bringing his fingers to her lips for a quick kiss. "You're really smart, you know that?"

Angel laughed hollowly. "I don't know if I'm wise, so much as I've learned a few things over the decades. But... thank you."

Buffy shrugged. "No problem."

"And it's not like we've had an easy few years of it, either."

Angel pressed an understanding kiss to her forehead. It was true, since the 'Titanic' they'd faced more than their fair share. The engagement went a long time unannounced, as the perfect moment after the tragedy took a while to find itself. Then they had to get accustomed to living together in the real world. What it meant being a vampire and being the slayer, and being a vampire and a slayer together.

Of course, add to that their inevitable clashes with pain. Like when Darla showed up and Drusilla and Spike a few years later. Not to mention the many close brushes with death Buffy faced on a daily basis.

He traced his fingers along the milky, smooth skin of her elbow thoughtfully. "All the pain, I think it's been worth it. We ended up married in the end."

"And happy," she added, sleepily.

"Most of the time, anyway."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you, for reminding me that I can feel bad about the 'Titanic' without letting it control my life. For always knowing how I'm feeling."

"Your welcome," he answered quietly. "Now sleep."

She yawned widely. "kay."

"Buffy?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

She closed her eyes and began to drift off. "I love you, too."

End 


End file.
